《Serenity's Children》Chapter 07 - Maiden Voyage III (Retcon)
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With her vision blurred by tears, her mind blank from pain, and her body lying limply against the hospital bed, Guila at her reflection in the bile puddle.
If only she could wipe the gunk off her face, the same way she did with her makeup. Such idle thoughts inevitably reminded her of the meek Ariel, bringing her a towel.
That once irritating memory now felt so warm and endearing. Every time the child reached out, every time she forgave her transgressions, every time she stepped forward, accepted her place, and yet, still tried to…
Her thoughts were now going in circles, and every time it did, her regret sank even deeper into her aching gut.
Her apology received no acknowledgement. Not even a grunt. In fact, other than her gasps, there was naught but ringing silence.
As selfish as it was, she wanted Ariel to say something. Whether it was forgiveness, beratement, hate, anything at all. Anything that wasn't just her own thoughts.
Because, at least she was more numb to pain given by others. And she could focus on that, instead of the disgusting creature staring back at her.
Hah. What was she expecting from a child? To accommodate her?
Wait…
An ugly, self-deriding smile then formed from her busted lips.
"... Ariel… can I… tell you a story?" Her words were slow, and hushed. But in this small room, and the Vulpina's sensitive ears, there was no doubt that she could be heard. "You don't have to say anything… just… please listen."
To think that in this situation, after begging for forgiveness, her first follow-up was to manipulate with a sob story. But she was desperate.
"Once upon a time, there was this little girl-"
"Why do you treat me like I'm stupid?" Ariel's words were cold and tore straight through the curtain. But her voice trembled as she spoke.
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"I don't understand much about being Master's possession. But I know it hurts you. And it makes you angry. That's why I wanted to be friends."
Her sobbing slowly got louder from beyond the curtain.
"I wanted you to like me, because you are my Mistress… I also belong to you! I don't want you to hate me! I don't want you to just feel sorry for me either!"
Her sobbing then gave way to shrieks.
"I have nothing except you and Master! So what can I do to make you want me, Mistress?! Please tell me, and I'll do it! I'll do anything!"
It was only then that Guila noticed her own tears running down her cheeks. She couldn't say anything. Her throat felt full, her lungs felt empty, and her body was heavy stone.
"Tell me, Mistress! Please! I'm begging you! What must I do?!"
Ariel pleaded and begged, her bed rattling as she writhed and struggled. But as the silence dragged on she stopped and fell back down on the bed. Yet even though neither of them could see the other, Guila knew;
They were staring into each other.
"I…" She gasped out. "I don't know…!"
'How?! How was it possible?! How could you possibly be just like-'
Scenes flashed through her mind as Ariel's screaming transformed to the crying of a beast.
It was despair and desperation that gnawed at her soul - so much so that Guila shut her eyes and turned away from the curtain.
She tried to cover both her ears, but her right arm was still dislocated.
Yet, slowly it got quieter, like she was being pulled away from that hospital room.
Then, she opened her eyes.
There she was again, back in her parent's living room. She could no longer remember the color and shapes of the furniture, or whatever was hung on the walls, but the people were crystal clear.
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Her father, mother, uncle, and brothers were roaring at each other.
Much like Ariel, they were incomprehensible. Meaningless roars. Their expressions twisted in rage and fear.
Every once in a while, they would point at her.
And every time they did, she flinched.
However, all she needed to do was look at the thing in her arms to know the reason.
A small but thick glass canister filled with a sloshing, bright green fluid. Held in a cushion-lined metal box that now soaked with tears.
It was her greatest achievement.
The fruit of all the effort she expended, in order to repay her loving, supportive family.
'All of it was so that mother no longer had to sit in front of the door worriedly.
So that my brothers didn't have to leave home for a very long time and come back with exhausted grins.
So that uncle didn't have to keep barging in with an angry face, and only give her a fake smile along with sweets.
So that father didn't have to work for days on end, then cry to himself when he thought he was alone, only to show us his usual proud and composed self…'
The young girl who barely reached her father's abdomen in height, could feel nothing more than the painful sting across her cheek, from the man she looked up to the most.
But even though she didn't understand why. She did understand that she made a mistake.
Perhaps her work had offended them - they must've already thought of what she did, and it worried her wonderful family that she would produce something so mundane.
That must be it. Yet it was too late to start over from scratch. So she needed to improve what she already had, make such a great innovation that not even her father would have anticipated.
But it wasn't like that.
Their response never changed. It was always refusal that got colder and more dispassionate every time she tried. And any hopes were shattered when she finally made a working prototype.
Even though she still loved them with all her heart, her childish hope was now corrected. They did not want her help. No matter what result she produced, they would not accept it, if it came from her.
So was it really a mistake when she grabbed onto the first person who told her otherwise? The first to give value to what she made?
What reason did she have to refuse the man who needed her?
Then what of Ariel's relationship with her? What does it mean to refuse someone, given her current and previous position? What answer could she possibly give?
There could only be one.
"... I don't need you… that's why I can't accept you."
The crying and screaming ended almost immediately after Guila answered.
"That's what relationships are, Ariel… if you aren't needed, then wander away and hope that somebody else does - that's how you become loved! Does that satisfy you?!"
Ariel was still and silent, while Guila could barely hear anything beyond her labored gasps.
The ticking and humming of the hospital equipment dominated the room.
Until finally,
"... I understand, Mistress."
They were words that twisted Guila's already aching heart further. She wondered if saying what she did was the right thing to do.
But only for a moment, since it was already too late.
She lost the ability to crawl out this hole a long time ago. All she could do now was dig further down.
"Thank you for teaching me…"
All the while, dragging others down with her.
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