Chapter 54

❝ Healing and patience are lovers

Don't place the blame on your heart, just to make 'em stop

Just take your time to recover

'Cause it's easier said, it's easier said than done❞

- Alessia Cara, Easier Said.

"You've been quiet. It'll be okay if you yell or scream at me. I just want you to say something," Kaleb said, and I could tell he was struggling to look at me.

"I—" I cleared my throat. "I thought I was ready to hold this conversation, but I don't think I am," I spoke up, and we were quiet for a while before I sighed and stood to leave, "Never mind. I'm so dumb."

"No, Rae," Kaleb stopped me. "No, you're not. If anyone should say something, it's me. I'm a jerk. I'm sorry."

"Sorry can't fix everything, Kaleb."

"I know... I know I messed up—"

"Big time, Kaleb. You didn't call. Didn't text. Nothing at all."

"You were so mad."

"Of course, I was. You literally called me desperate."

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"Jeez, I need you to stop saying sorry. Sorry cannot fix everything. Do you even know what you're saying sorry for?"

"I miss you..."

I rolled my eyes, about to say something when he said in an husky voice, "I was wrong. Very wrong. I should never have spoken like that to you. I should never have let Sydney get in the way of our friendship."

"You said you wouldn't. You promised."

"It was a big mistake. In fact, being with Sydney for that long was a mistake, but you know how much I liked her. You knew how red I would get when she merely said something to me. You saw me practice how to ask her out in the mirror," he let out a breath before he continued, "You're my best friend and you know me more than the majority of people in my life. You know that when I'm into something, I'm into it fully and completely. But I'm not trying to justify what I did. I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt you. I hate that I did that, because you didn't deserve it. You tried to tell me, but I didn't listen. I'm sorry for what I said to you, you didn't deserve that either. I didn't text or call because I knew just how mad you were... and I felt like an asshole. This wasn't like any fight that we've had and I just didn't know what to do. It sucked, because at the end of the day, I just wanted to talk to you. I know you probably think these are just words, but I mean them. I'm sorry... I miss you," he finished with his eyes glistening.

I looked at him for a while before I quirked the corner of my mouth up, "You're a douche... and an idiot."

"I know," he nodded.

"But I wouldn't want any other idiot to be my best friend," I smiled, watching his mouth curve into a smile.

"I'm sorry about Sydney," I said quietly.

He shrugged in response, "It's fine."

I knew it wasn't, though. I could see that he was trying to act tough about it.

"It's okay if it's not okay, Kaleb. Just know that you deserve someone way better."

He nodded as he looked up at me with a smile, "You're right."

I gave him a tight hug briefly before pulling away, "Thanks for the birthday stuff."

"Did you like it?"

"Like it? I loved it! The journal was amazing. Thanks for finally letting me have the tie-dye T-shirt. And oh, thanks for the mug too."

"I don't watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians,' he replied immediately.

"Ha, that's how I know you watch it, because I didn't even say anything about it."

He chuckled, "Whatever."

I nudged him with my shoulder, "You know you can tell me, though. I won't judge."

"No, I think it's a really silly show," he scoffed.

"Kaleb," I called slowly.

"What? I have better things to do than watch the life of a fellow human being."

"Kaleb Kaden," I called even more slowly.

"Fine! Fine, I do. It's really entertaining, okay? In fact, you should come over tonight so we can watch one episode."

"If there's a reason I'll be coming, it's to play Madden. I'm not coming to watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians."

"Don't be stubborn. You should watch just one episode at least. That's how I'll know you really have forgiven me."

I sighed and rubbed my temple.

*

"You look like you need a hug," River's face held a smile and I nodded, "Yes please." I stretched out my arms and he chuckled lowly before wrapping his arms around me.

I groaned, "Ugh, you smell so good."

"Mhm, your hair is so soft," he kissed my forehead and was about to pull away.

"No, don't pull away yet. One minute," I said and he laughed behind me.

"What's up?" He asked when he finally pulled away.

"I've got lots of homework," I pushed my hair back.

"Do you need any help?"

"It's fine, I got it. They are things I can do over the weekend. You didn't tell me how the photo shoot on Saturday went."

"It was great, actually," I intertwined our fingers. "I forgot my tripod at home, but I was able to make do without it. I always thought I couldn't do without it."

"Can I see the pictures?"

"I'll send them to you when I get home. I don't have my camera with me. So, did anything interesting happen at school today?"

I pushed my hair away from my face again, "Me and Kaleb made up."

"That's awesome. How did it happen?"

I told him about the gift bag, and my talk with Tanner.

"I'm so proud of you for putting your ego aside and going to talk to him even when you knew it wasn't your fault."

I beamed. Something about him saying he was proud of me smile wide. "River?" I called

"Hmm?"

"Do you ever get jealous? You know, uh, me and Kaleb being best friends."

He looked at me for a while before pulling me into his arms, "I mean, I have nothing to be jealous of, right? I'm not sure I would say that if it was some random guy, though. But I understand that you and Kaleb have known each other for a while and have come a long way. I'm not trying to be like Sydney here," we chuckled.

"I'm so lucky Sky let me off really early today," I let out a breath and leaned into him.

"I think you're just her favorite. What do you have planned for the rest of the day?"

"Well, in order to prove to Kaleb that I've fully forgiven him, I have to watch an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians with him tonight."

"Wait. He watches Keeping Up With The Kardashians?"

I chuckled and playfully rolled my eyes, "Yeah, he does. Dumb, right?—"

"No! Me and him are going to be great friends!"

I looked at River in horror. "You watch it too?"

"Mom loves it and I watch it with her when I can. It's so entertaining."

I facepalmed.

*

After spending some time with River, he dropped me off at home before I would go to Kaleb's house. I'd only closed the front door after entering when I heard Tanner yelling.

"Are you listening to me, Kendall? It's always been about you. What you want, what you don't want. It's never been about me, and you know it. You rarely even ask me how my day has gone, and you stand there to say I selfish? You're crazy, Kendall. We aren't the same people, we never have been. And even if we were, then not anymore. I'm tired, okay? I can't do this anymore, at least, not with you."

I swallowed, then heard Kendall sniffle, "I-I'm sorry."

"No, Kendall. I like how you think just saying sorry does the trick, but it doesn't. Look, you

Re beautiful and smart and successful, but you've got a shit attitude, and it won't take you anywhere. That's me being honest with you. I'm done. I'm not dealing with you again."

I heard another sniffle, "I'll change... I promise. I will."

I felt bad for her, and I didn't know why. I never liked her.

I didn't hear Tanner say anything, but when I did, I heard him say, "Just... just go."