"I know that it's wrong, keeps me up all night

I'm telling me lies, saying I'm alright

I look in the mirror, don't see no tough guy

But I'll be fine."

- PRETTYMUCH, Gone 2 Long.

My heart plummeted against my chest. Oh no. Why was this happening? If at all I ever wanted Tanner to find about Zee, it wasn't this way. He held her gaze and the look on his face made me want the ground to open and swallow me.

"I- I'm sorry," was all I could I come up with.

Tanner looked at me in disbelief, "You're sorry? About what exactly?" He swallowed hard and my heart broke at the sight of the hurt in his eyes.

I tried to find the words to say, "I... I didn't want you to find out like this."

"I don't even know what's going on, but you lied to me." He let out a humorless laugh before walking to me, handing my phone to me.

"Tanner—" I called.

He had a resigned look on his face as he answered, "Take your phone."

I could tell he was mad as he walked past me after I retrieved my phone from him. I sighed, turning, "I'm sorry. I was just scared to tell you."

"Renée, scared? Did you just say scared?" He walked back to me. "Have I really made myself that unapproachable?"

I shook my head immediately, "No, but whenever I bring Zee up, you just shut down. If I told you I was going to hang out Zee, you probably wouldn't have let me leave the house. What was I supposed to do?"

"Right, so the best thing to do was lie? Okay. You keep asking and asking what went wrong with us and you never get an answer. Have you ever thought that maybe there's a reason I don't tell you?" There was anger in his eyes and it had been on very few occasions that I'd seen him this angry.

"You can't blame me," I mumbled.

"I really can't. Because you just don't know when to leave stuff alone. You were with Kenz today? Great. Why didn't you ask her? She probably would have been happy to tell you," he shot.

"She didn't, though," my voice dropped. "I've asked her twice on different occasions now and she wouldn't tell me either."

"So, it's not just been today? What the hell do—" he stopped. "I cheated."

I froze where I stood. I couldn't have heard right. There was no way I could have heard right, and before I could say anything, Tanner added, "I cheated, alright? There. I cheated on Mackenzie. That's what you've always wanted to know. Happy now?"

I was at a loss for words. He cheated on Zee? I was filled with so much shock, I was speechless.

"So now that you know, what will you do about it?" The emotion in his eyes before walking away spoke tons and he left me in surprise and disbelief.

*

"Hey, bubbles," I looked at Logan who had a smile on his face as he walked towards me.

I shot him a smile as he sat beside me, "Hey Logan."

We were seated on the empty bleachers by the field where the football players had their trainings and had games.

"Shouldn't you be having basketball training now?" I asked him and he leaned back, a cocky smile on his face, "Yeah, but coach likes me so I can bunk anytime."

"Just how cocky are you?" I chuckled and he did the same, "I'm just kidding. Coach let us off early today, but thanks for agreeing to meet up. It's a bit weird, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I'll admit," I nodded.

He had a small smile on his face as he ran his fingers through his hair before looking at me. "Renée, I know you don't like me that way."

Well I didn't see that coming. What was up with being busted in two days?

I swallowed, "I... yeah. I should have been straightforward about that. It's just that I thought if I told you it might affect our friendship or something. I didn't want that. But that was stupid because at the same time I was being selfish and that's wasn't fair to you."

"Yeah, I really would have appreciated it if you would have been straightforward. You don't know me," he chuckled. "I'm the most clueless human on the face of this earth and I honestly take no hints. So being straightforward would have helped. At first, I thought it was Kaden, who has been acting weird as fuck these days, by the way. But I thought it was Kaden who was holding you back or something. It wasn't until I heard Sydney talking about you and some guy earlier that day, that's when I realized it was your choice. I swear that Sydney never shuts up. Ever." He chuckled, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry," I looked at him.

"Nah, it's a fine. You just have to make it up to me some way. Do you know how many times we would have kissed already if we were together?"

I laughed, throwing a playful punch to his arm, "Why do you have to be such an idiot? You just had to ruin the moment, didn't you?"

He laughed, rubbing his arm, "Honestly, though, it's all good. You've always been my friend and you'll continue to be. That guy better not fuck things up with you."

I hugged him tightly, "Thank you, Logan. Seriously, I'm happy you talked about this with me." I really was. Not every guy would do this.

He playfully bowed, "You're welcome. What's up with Kaden, though?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, but I know he'll be fine."

Logan repeated my action, "Need a ride home?"

"I actually have to get to work."

"Sure, I'll take you. Let's go."

*

River wasn't at work today, so it made time go slowly for me, and it was so crazy how I missed him so much. Wow, I really was whipped, but that was old news. I'd been whipped from the first time I ever laid eyes on him. After a few exchange of texts with him, I knew he wasn't at work today because he was home working on painting his drawings of the bakery and I understood that. The time he set as a limit was already so close and I loved his determination.

~May not be at the bakery much this week, but I'll try to make an appearance? I miss you.~

I read his text and smiled to myself, telling him I missed him too. How was it that he was able to make me feel this way?

The thought stayed with me even as I walked back home after work. I didn't see Tanner when I got into the house, but I knew he was in. We had both been quiet around each other since last night. Walking up to my room and changing into my PJs, my stomach rumbled. Clutching it lightly, I walked to the kitchen where I met Tanner working on dinner.

"Hi," I greeted.

He looked at me briefly, "Hey. How was school and work?"

"Good," I answered, and we both fell into silence after that, until I spoke up, "I'm sorry about last night."

"It's fine," he nodded and then sighed, "I could have told you before yesterday. I could have told you the reason why me and Kenz broke up, but I... I was ashamed. You adore Kenz. If I told you I cheated on her, how would you have looked at me? I wouldn't have been that perfect brother anymore."

I shrugged, "I adore you too. Regardless of anything."

"I was an idiot," he licked his lower lip and completely backed away from the electric cooker, "It all happened after we had gotten our first degrees. We both decided to get a second degree. Kenzi's mom started falling sick a lot. That was the effect of her cancer treatment. I saw how bad it was getting to Kenz, and I swear, I tried to be there for her. She had become withdrawn, quiet and she started to go home constantly. It bothered me, because she was now closed off. If there was something else bothering her apart from her mom's health, I didn't know, because she didn't tell me anything. I tried talking to her about it once and she sorta flipped. She became more distant and I hated it," he ran his fingers through his hair. "Then I met Kendall—"

"Wait," I stopped him. "You cheated on Zee with Kendall?"

Tanner nodded. "Kenz stopped being around, and if she was around, she was distant and irritable. I started being around Kendall more—"

"Wait," I stopped him again. "Did you like... have sex with Kendall?"

"No. Not that you need to know this, but Kenz is the only one I've been with that way," the tips of his ears were pink as he said this. "Me and Kendall may have kissed many times than normal and we had been in many inappropriate situations together. Kenz found out... and she broke up. At this point, I couldn't tell her why I did what I did. There was no excuse for cheating. Cheating is cheating, and I shouldn't have been with Kendall. I should have been straight up with Kenz like I'd been with her other times. Harsh, but at least I would have spoken my mind. And if I couldn't do that, then I could have just broken up with her, but I couldn't. Because, damn, I loved Kenz."

"So, you love Kendall?"

He was quiet for a while, "I mean, I love her, but never the way I loved Kenz. I'm scared I'll never love anyone the way I loved her. I don't even know who I am anymore. It's like I'm just going with the wind with Kendall. We've been together for how long now, and I don't even know where our relationship is headed."

I hated seeing my brother so broken. "Well, right now, Zee isn't with anyone, and she doesn't live so far from us either."

Tanner lifted his eyes to mine, "What are you saying?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I guess I'm saying you could talk to her."

*