《Perempuan Pelupa》Bagian 33: Menghargai Sebuah Perasaan
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Ketika jam istirah berakhir, aku kembali kekelas dan mencoba untuk tidur sembari menunggu guruku datang. Namun kali ini, kulakukan hal tersebut untuk memastikan sebuah kebenaran. Aku hanya berpura-pura saja dan mencoba untuk terus menjaga diriku dari rasa kantuk yang mulai terasa agar tidak tertidur. Tak lama kemudian, seseorang menepuk pundakku. Aku dengan cepat terbangun dan akupun langsung memegang tangannya. Posisi wajah kami tepat menghadap satu sama lain dan sangat dekat. Kulihat wajahnya sedikit memerah, kemudian menundukkan pandangannya padaku. Ternyata memang benar, Hanilah orangnya. Aku masih memegang tangannya sehingga dia tak bisa pergi. Dan aku mengatakan sesuatu padanya dengan nadaku yang datar.
"Kenapa kamu melakukan ini?"
Dia tak menjawab dan melepaskan tangannya dari genggamanku secara paksa. Dia berlari ketempat duduknya sambil tertunduk.
Aku mengambil bukuku dan kuambil secarik kertas dan menuliskan sesuatu. Lalu kuremas dan kulemparkan kertas tersebut kepada Hani. Dia membuka kertas tersebut dan melihat isinya. Lalu dia simpan kertas tersebut di saku bajunya.
Semua mata pelajanpun telah selesai, kami semua bergegas untuk pulang. Namun aku pergi menuju kantin, dimana pada jam sekarang ini semua kantin sudah tutup. Aku pergi ketempat tersebut untuk menemui Hani. Cukup lama menunggunya, hingga akhirnya diapun datang. Aku langsung menanyakan hal yang tadi tak dia dengan nadaku yang datar.
"Apa alasanmu yang selalu menepuk pundakku."
Dia hanya diam saja tak menjawab pertanyaanku. Aku teringat akan perkataan Nia mengenai seseorang yang menyukaiku. Lalu kutanyakan hal tersebut kepada Hani dengan nadaku yang masih datar.
"Apakah kamu menyukaiku."
Kulihat reaksinya terlihat kaget mendengar ku berkata seperti itu.
"Apakah itu benar?"
Kembali kutanyakan hal itu. Wajahnya mulai memerah, dan akhirnya dia menjawab pertanyaanku dengan nadanya yang sedikit malu dan terbata-bata.
"Ka kalau iya memangnya kenapa?"
Aku merasa heran dengannya dan kembali kutanyakan alasannya tersebut.
"Apa yang membuatmu menyukaiku."
Dia menjawabnya dengan nadanya yang sedikit marah.
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"Itu bukan urusanmu. Semua orang berhak kan untuk menyukai seseorang?"
"Iya, tapi kenapa harus aku? Masih banyak orang lain disana yang lebih baik dariku."
Dia langsung spontan menjawabnya dengan nadanya yang tinggi.
"Tapi kamu sangat baik padaku."
"Aapa maksudmu? Aku sama sekali tak pernah berbicara padamu sebelumnya, apalagi berbuat baik padamu."
Dia hanya diam tak menjawabnya. Aku masih bingung dengan tingkahnya tersebut. Lalu kutanyakan hal lain kepadanya.
"Aku minta maaf sebelumnya karena menguping pembicaraanmu sebelumnya dengan Lisa. Tapi kenapa kamu sangat tak menyukai Nia?"
Dia menjawabnya dengan wajahnya yang memerah tersebut dan nadanya yang ketus.
"Itu sudah jelaskan, aku cemburu padanya yang selalu ingin terus bersama dan berbicara denganmu."
Dia diam sejenak. Dan kembali melanjutkan perkataannya tersebut.
"Sebegitu sukanya kamu dengan Nia? Hingga kamu bertanya tentang hal tersebut!"
Aku hanya terdiam tak menjawabnya. Kulihat dia mulai menangis. Kuambil sebuah tisu di atas meja kantin. Dia mengatakan sesuatu dengan perasaanya yang sedih.
"Mungkinkah perasaanku ini bertepuk sebelah tangan? Apakah tak ada sedikitpun kamu menyukaiku?"
Kuberikan tisu tersebut kepada Hani. Lalu dia mengambilnya dan mengelap air matanya itu. Ku kembali mengatakan sesuatu padanya.
"Aku memang tak menyukaimu. Dan tak menyukai perempuan sedikitpun, bahkan Nia."
"Lalu, apa yang harus kulakukan sekarang. Apakah seperti sebelumnya dimana kita tak pernah berbicara sama sekali?"
Aku menjawabnya dengan nadaku yang datar.
"Kamu boleh untuk selalu dekat dan berbicara padaku. Dan juga, aku menghargai perasaanmu tersebut. Aku juga mengganggap kamu sebagai temanku sekarang."
Apa yang kubicarakan ini? Kata-kata tersebut langsung keluar saja dari mulutku. Kulihat kembali wajahnya, dia sudah tak menangis lagi. Wajahnya sekarang terlihat bahagia dan tersenyum, lalu berkata padaku.
"Terima kasih."
Dia kembali menangis. Lalu tiba-tiba dia memelukku dengan erat. Aku yang diperlakukan seperti itu sedikit kaget. Aku mencoba untuk melepaskannya dengan berusah mencoba berkata padanya.
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"Ma maaf, bolehkah kamu melepaskan pelukanmu itu?"
Lalu dia menjawabku dengan air matanya yang masih menetes.
"Bukankah kamu mengizinkanku untuk dekat denganmu?"
"Iya, tapi bukan begini juga."
Dia terus memelukku, hingga akhirnya dia melepaskan pelukannya tersebut. Ada satu hal lagi yang kukatakan padanya.
"Lain kali, kamu jangan membicarakan hal yang buruk mengenai Nia. Sebenarnya, jika kamu mengatakan keburukan seseorang itu juga tidak baik. Jadi, ini permintaanku padamu sebagai seorang teman."
Dia mengiyakan permintaanku tersebut. Sebelum kami berdua pulang, dia mengatakan sesuatu padaku dengan nadanya yang rendah.
"Bolehkah kamu menemaniku sampai depan gerbang sekolah?"
Akupun berjalan tepat didepannya dan berkata dengan nadaku yang datar.
"Ayo."
Dia mengikutiku, hingga dia berada tepatdisampingku. Kami berjalan bersama hingga sampai didepan gerbang sekolah. Setelah sampai, dia menyuruhku untuk pulangduluan, karena dia menunggu seseorang untuk menjemputnya pulang. Kutinggalkandia sendirian disana, dan aku pulang dengan berjalan kaki.
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