I walked to my porch. I slowly shuffled my feet against the ground as I walked, I took my sweet time. My face was emotionless, I guess my brain was too focused on itself.

I crumbled before my front door, my back to the door. I don't want to stand anymore.

I took off my backpack and fumbled through it, looking for my keys. "Goddamnit." I threw my backpack. My keys were usually in the outer pocket of my backpack, but it wasn't there. I must've left them at home this morning.

I hugged my knees with my arms. What do I do, I'm having the worst day of my fucking life.

Maybe I did go overboard earlier. Everything he said about me was....right. I am selfish. Why do I have to be such a god awful human. Why do I have to always blame everything on others. I can never put the feelings of someone else before mine. I am a cold hearted bitch.

Even after what he said about me.....I still miss him. What is wrong with me.

"It's because I like you"

I chuckled, what's wrong with him. Why would he even say that. Is this just some sick joke of his against me. Why would he do that to me?

I'm doing it again aren't I. Why do I have to blame everything on him.

"We could've ended this two months ago"

That was so stupid....I can't live without him. I know he can live without me, but I can't without him. He entered back in my life and I can't get forget his face now. Maybe I'm being selfish again.

Rain quickly started pouring down. What started off as a light drizzle quickly turned into a heavy rain. "You've got to be kidding me...I thought my day couldn't get any worse."

I heard the sound of rain violently hitting the roof of my porch, I watched as drops of rain dripped down from the side of the roof. I noticed my backpack, the one I threw, is getting soaking wet. It was just laying there soaking up water at this point. I probably should do something about it, but I can't seem to find anything in me to get up.

Clay...I miss you.

I laughed at myself again. If I truly missed him I wouldn't have acted like such a child, I'm so fucking self-conceited. Why did I have to act like that. Why did my anger have to take over me like that. Why did I have to react that way?

"It's because I like you!"

Those words. Those words, they kept on repeating itself in my head. "I like you", "I like you, "I like you", JUST SHUT UP ALREADY. leave me alone.

I stand by what I said, he's just playing some big joke on me. He does that, sometimes he takes jokes too far.

.....What am I even saying at this point? "A joke", if I really believed that I wouldn't be sitting here telling myself over and over that it is.

Maybe I do-

No, no, no, what am I thinking. Theres no possibility that I could. Am I running from that feeling or is this how I really feel. Maybe I'm too afraid. No...I don't feel that way about him....do I? If I did I would've figured it out already. I couldn't be that dense with myself...could I?

I stared at the street, the rain seemed like it was bouncing on the concrete.

Without even putting the hood of my jacket on I dashed it. My feet splashed the puddles laying on the ground. The puddles on the street rippled after it caught a rain drop.

I like him. I have feelings for him. I was lying to myself. I've wanted to be with him ever since that day, the day where we were at the beach. We got lost and I rested on his shoulder. His breath was so warm. Just him being next to me made me feel like all my problems were gone.

My hair was getting soaked, but I didn't seem to notice. My legs and lungs were killing me, but I didn't care.

I want him. I miss him. Clay.