I was in the same room they took Aria out, seated with Ava laying on my bare chest to give her some skin to skin. The doctors hadn't talked to us as far as how Aria's condition was and it was lowkey driving me crazy. Her mother prayed, and kept praying as my mother comforted her. The last conversation we had kept playing through my head, making me sick as shit.

My mother had went out and told our friends all that we could tell them, but no one left. Everyone still stood around, waiting. Waiting to know what was going to happen, waiting for results.

"Give her here," my mother said taking me out of my thoughts.

I leaned up, handing Ava to her. Once she had her fully I sat there with my hands on my head. "Go get some fresh air, take a walk." She demanded.

I let out a deep breath, that was probably best for me. I stood up, putting my shirt back on as I made my way out the room. Jodie and Chris looking up at me and Ashley getting up to make her way towards me. I honestly didn't want to be bothered. I started walking towards the elevator as she followed, not saying anything which I was appreciative of.

Once I made it outside I broke. I was pissed, I was angry. I didn't understand. I started punching the door as hot tears ran down my face. Ashley came pulling me, trying to stop me from punching the door.

"Landon, stop. Stop. You're going to hurt yourself."

I didn't give a fuck about that, I felt like this shit was my fault. I remembered the look of hurt on her face after the last conversation we had, only for her to go into birth not even hours later and then now she was in a room possibly fighting for her fucking life. I was sick.

I slowly slid to the ground as silent cries took over me, she couldn't die. Not before she truly got to meet Ava, not before we got to talk again, not before she got to graduate college. She couldn't. She couldn't die. I prayed and cried as Ashley came beside me, wrapping her arms around me.

"It's okay," she whispered. But it wasn't okay, there wasn't shit about this that was okay. "Baby, I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere."

"I wasn't there" I cried.

"You were there, you were in that room. You watched Ava come into the world."

I shook my head, "no, I wasn't there for her when she probably needed me the most. I wasn't there."

"Babe, this isn't your fault. Stop it. There is nothing that you could have done to prevent this."

"You don't know that," I semi screamed. I stood up, running my hands down my face, trying to wipe any tears that were there. Ashley stood in front of me, looking sad as shit. I know it was only for my sake.

"I need to talk to a doctor," I vocalized as I turned to make my way back inside.

"They said they would let us know something when they could Landon."

I waved her off, "they taking too long. Somebody's going to tell me something."

Once we made it back upstairs everyone who was there was standing in front of a doctor as he talked, I quickly made my way over as Aria's mom shattered into tears. My heart started pounding.

"What?" I screamed, "what happened?"

My mother turned and looked at me, "they lost her –"

"No, no, no." I started shaking my head as tears started to well up in my eyes again. My mother put her hand on me, "Landon, calm down. They lost her but they got her back. She's going to be okay."

I just looked at her for a second processing it, "she's okay?" That's what she should have started with.

She nodded her head as a small smile appeared on her face, "she's going to be okay," she whispered.

She pulled me into her as I let the tears fall and silently thanked God.

***

I walked in Aria's room as she laid there, eyes closed but opening up slowly upon hearing me enter. I smiled at her as she gave me back a weak smile. "Hey," she hoarsely whispered.

I pulled up a chair beside her as I grabbed her hand, bringing it to my mouth. "Don't ever scare me like that again."

She chuckled as her eyes closed, "it was just a drastic blood pressure drop that took a lot longer than normal to get back up. It's all good." She waved her hand as if it was nothing. She opened her eyes completely, turning slightly to look at me, "nice to know you care though." There was a hint of something in her voice that I couldn't figure out, like she was upset with me and she had every right to be if she was.

I kissed her hand, "I do care Aria, more than you know." I felt like I had to make it known, I felt like she was being sarcastic. We sat silent for a second, "I'm sorry," I blurted out, knowing I owed her that.

She shook her head, "no, we're not doing this."

"Aria, I almost lost you."

"And it's probably the only reason you're apologizing, so like I said we're not doing this."

I bit my lip, leaning back in my chair, still holding on to her hand. I sighed, "we have our problems and shit but Aria please know that I care about you deeply. Ain't no fucking way I'd want to do life without you."

She looked at me as if she was trying to tell if I was being real or not. As soon as she was about to say something the door opened. I followed her gaze seeing Kennedy at the door with Mink behind her, "I'm sorry," Kennedy started "but I needed to see her." Her eyes quickly went to Aria.

I nodded in understanding. They walked in, allowing me to see that Ashley was trailing behind. My eyes widened a little from the unexpectedness. She smiled at me as her gaze shifted down to Aria's and I's hand.

"Hey," Aria said weakly, I could hear the smile in her voice as I turned towards her, a look of confusion on her face as she held a small smile at Ashley, trying to figure out who she was. The absolute worst timing. I don't know what possessed Ashley to walk in here.

Everyone's eyes were now on Ashley, with Kennedy and Mink's gaze shifting between the two of us. Ashley walked towards me placing a hand on my shoulder causing Aria's gaze to now shift to my face. I rubbed the back of her hand, really not wanting to do this shit right now but realizing I had no choice.

"Aria, this is Ashley. Ashley, Aria."

"Hi," Ashley said with a large smile on her face.

Aria gave a weak smile back, "hey."

Aria then focused her attention on her friends as she pulled her hand out of my grip. They started loving on her as I stood up, deciding to give them their time. As Ashley and I headed to the door Aria called me stopping me in my tracks.

"They said when I felt up to it they would bring Ava in here, I feel like I'm okay. Can you see if they can bring her in here?"

I nodded as I headed out, running right into the doctor. I told them what she told me before making my way back to the lobby with Ashley on my heels.

"You good?" Jodie and Chris asked in unison as I sat down.

I nodded, "yeah."

They nodded as they stood up to pat my back, "good. Well we bout to head back there to speak to Aria, then head out, shower and eat and shit you know. We saw Ava pretty self, and we know Aria good." Jodie spoke.

"It's all good. I appreciate y'all. Forreal. Y'all didn't have to stay through this shit and you did."

"For sure, you our boy wasn't no way in hell we was going to leave you to deal with this shit by yourself."

I dapped them up before they headed towards Aria's room. Once they were out of sight I turned to Ashley, deciding to be calm before the storm. "Thank you." She was here the whole time to console me and make sure I was straight so I owed her that.

She looked at me grabbing my hand, bringing it to her mouth to kiss. "Of course, that's what I'm here for."

"Question though." I continued.

She nodded for me to continue, "why did you go back there?"

"What do you mean?" A look of confusion crossed her face.

"Why did you come in Aria's room?"

"To check on you." She looked at me like that was an obvious answer.

I shook my head, "you knew I was fine if she was."

"To check on her too." She added on.

"You don't know her."

She sighed, "Landon y'all just had a baby together, me and you" she pointed between us "are together. We're basically all about to be family."

I chuckled, that shit sounded crazy and borderline delusional "you didn't go in there to check on me, you didn't go in there to check on her, because shit, you didn't even ask her how she was feeling or anything. You wanted to meet her and you forced that shit at the worst timing."

"Forced it?" She asked with attitude.

"Hell yeah, what would you call it?"

She rolled her eyes, dropping my hand as she disconnected eye contact with me. "Whatever Landon."

I shook my head, running a hand over my face. The shit was whatever now, it happened. "You ready to go?" I asked her.

She shrugged her shoulders, "are you?"

She was about to be petty and I didn't have time for this shit. "Yeah, I'm going to take you home." I grabbed my keys out of my pocket and my phone.

"What you mean you are going to take me home?"

I looked at her like she was stupid, I slowed it down a little for her, "I'm going ... to take .." I pointed to her, "you, home."

She rolled her eyes, "don't do that shit."

I laughed, "shit, you asking dumb questions." I texted my mom letting her know I'd be back and that I was dropping Ashley back at home.

"So you're not staying?" she asked as we made our way to exit.

I locked my phone as I looked at her, "my daughter was just born, no I'm not staying, I'm coming back up here to spend some time with my baby girl."

She sighed, "and after that?"

She wanted me to stay with her, it was clear. "I'll call you."

She grabbed my hand as we made it out to the car, the ride back to her place was laid back. I blasted my music, no real talking done.

I parked as I pulled back up at her place. She took her seatbelt off then turned and looked at me. "Our relationship is about to change, isn't it?"

I was confused, "what you mean?"

"Like you just had a baby, I feel like you're about to be spending a lot of time with her, which is expected but like that means Aria too. And I'm scared."

I leaned my head back on the headrest. "Scared of what Ashley?"

"That you'll want her again, and it's like I've given myself fully to you at this point."

I turned and looked at her, "do you trust me?"

She searched my face for a second before responding, "with my life."

That shit warmed me up on the inside a little bit, "but" she continued, "trust has nothing to do with this." She was playing with the seam of her shirt, avoiding eye contact. "I trust that you won't cheat, that you won't purposely break my heart, and so on and so forth. But these are feelings we're talking about. And that shit can't always be controlled."

I nodded, she had a point. "I won't let it get there."

She looked up at me, "how?"

"Right now, you're who I want, you're who I'm focused on. Even with all the stupid shit you do. All I have to do is think about what I have back at home, stop stressing, okay?"

She nodded as she leaned in to kiss me, "I love you."

I smiled against her lips before deepening the kiss. I wasn't exactly ready to say the shit back yet.

***

I made my way back to the hospital running into Kennedy and Mink leaving as I headed to Aria's room. Mink gave me a small smile as Kennedy tried to avoid eye contact altogether.

I walked in seeing her mom passed out on the couch, remembering my mom told me she was headed back to the house when I was on the way back. Aria was breastfeeding Ava, looking at her like she was the love of her life. She looked up at me, smiling before looking back down at Ava. "As unfortunate as it is that you're my baby daddy," she started as she looked back at me. "I'm thankful for this little girl." she whispered as she looked back at Ava.

I rolled my eyes at her comment and focused on the way Aria was admiring our child. I watched as Ava's little jaw moved with her eyes closed. It amazed me as it seemed like babies just knew what exactly to do when they came out.

Ava finished up eating as Aria moved her to burp her. "So that was your girlfriend huh?"

She turned her head, looking at me again. Her voice still kind of quiet as not to wake her mother. I nodded, "yeah, not how I intended for you to meet her. But that was her." My voice low as well.

"She's cute."

I looked at her, studying her face. "Yeah, how you feeling though?"

She shrugged as we heard Ava let out a small burp, "I'm fine."

"You sure?"

She just looked at me for a second as we both sat there just studying each other's face.

She smiled as she rolled her eyes, "yes, I'm sure."

"What was the eye roll for?"

"Because you over here acting like you care and shit when you basically told me to go hell yesterday."

I let out a deep sigh, "and I was deadass wrong for that and I can admit that. That's why I apologized, and I'll apologize again, I'm sorry. But Aria that shit blew me. The way you don't trust me drives me fucking crazy at times."

She placed Ava in her bassinet as I spoke, I caught her slightly rolling her eyes at my statement. "Landon, I tried to clear the air. I tried to let you know I wasn't accusing but asking and even tried to apologize if it came off that way. You took that shit and ran with it. But you know what, just forget it."

"No, let's talk about it. I want a clean slate, I want everything out. I want this to be the best co-parenting situation that ever exists."

She chuckled, "Landon I was just asking because my friend told me that happened, I wasn't assuming it was you who asked." She put emphasis on the word you.

I nodded, "and I apologize for spazzing so quickly about it. Because I asked Ashley and she indeed did ask, not knowing Kennedy had any connection to you. So I'm also sorry for that."

"So y'all into that type of shit?"

I licked my lips, "why? You want in?" I smirked.

"Hell no." She quickly responded.

I laughed, "shit, just checking."

She shook her head before continuing the previous conversation at hand, "I can't act like that shit you said didn't slick bother me though."

"I was worked up Aria. You thinking I would ask Kennedy some shit like that bothered me. And I get that isn't what you were implying but that's what it seemed like."

"Honestly Landon, even if that is what it seemed like you can't act like you didn't use to fuck friends, look at your past."

She had a point, "Yeah but they were simple fucks."

"And I was simple fuck to you too, let's not forget."

I rolled my eyes as I shook my head, "but you know how I started feeling about you. Anything that would jeopardize us, I wasn't doing. And fucking your friend definitely would have took away any shot I had. Be real Aria."

"Landon you're hard to read! You say one thing and do another." I didn't think that was true but I wasn't trying to go back and forth with her or wake her mama. I didn't say anything as I shook my head and looked down.

"Exactly!" She pointed out, "you can't say it's not true."

"Aria, you just had a baby and you trying to argue?" I looked over at her sleeping mama "and she over there sleep and shit. I'm not trying to wake her up with this."

"She sleep hard as hell! We're fine, we're not even loud. Besides you said you want a clean slate, you want everything out right? So let's talk." I focused my attention on her letting her know I was giving her the floor.

"To prove my point of you say one thing and do another let's just start with the fact that this whole time you claim you've wanted me but have been very half ass with showing it. You acted like you were supposed to get gold stars because you stopped fucking on another girl. That's what you're supposed to do if you claim you want someone. And then you would easily go back to doing that shit again but crying about how I wouldn't give you a chance."

I rolled my eyes. "And," she continued, "let's not forget that you throw temper tantrums like a child, that's very man-boyish and you act entitled as hell and I don't have to give you shit, I didn't have to get with you because you wanted me to."

"I didn't think I was half-ass with showing it when I clearly cut somebody off I had been fucking with for a minute. You acted like you was ready to give it a go between us and then pulled the carpet from under my feet. You making it sound like I was suppose to sit around and kiss your ass until you gave me a chance when you made it clear you wasn't about to. I don't know what type of sap nigga you take me for but I ain't that."

"No, I made it clear I wasn't going to put up with the bullshit, the bullshit you never put a stop to."

I sucked my teeth, "man I stopped fucking with girls, I made it clear I wanted you and I tried every chance I got but that shit wasn't enough for you, so what you getting at Aria? What's the point of this conversation now?"

"Since we putting it all out there I just wanted to make it clear that shit like that bothers me, you act like you tried so hard and did so fucking much, you didn't."

I leaned back in my chair as my eyes drifted over to Ava and then back to Aria. "I feel like I did, but it's no point in the back and forth. We feel two different ways about it."

She rolled her eyes, "anything you want to put on the table?" She questioned.

I leaned up, "nothing I want to put on the table, I do have a question though." Her eyes were burning into mine waiting for me to ask, "all bullshit and anger aside, how you feel about me?" I know it wasn't a question she was expecting but her bringing that shit up made me ask it.

She chuckled with a shake of her head. "You know anger plays a role in how people feel right?"

I nodded as I looked over at her mom again, making sure she was still sleep. She was lightly snoring. "It does, but it's also a fleeting emotion."

She sighed deeply, "my emotions are fleeting when it comes to you." I chuckled lowly as I sat back in my chair.

"I don't know." She started, "some days I can't stand you. Some days I feel like I could see us working, other days I feel like you show me why we wouldn't. I guess I have mixed emotions when it comes to you. If I'm being honest."

I nodded, respecting the honesty of it. I honestly just wanted to gauge where her head was at with me. "Your turn." She said, "how do you feel about me?"

I should have expected the question to turn back on me but I didn't. I cleared my throat, "how do I feel about you now." I said the question to myself lowly as I looked up at her.

"Couldn't stand you earlier yesterday." I spoke honestly, "you scared the fuck out of me today." I shook my head at the spiral of events, "and honestly that shit made me realize how much I truly do still care about you." I connected eyes with her. "I kind of feel like how you said, mixed emotions. But without a doubt a load of respect, watching you push her out and then go down how you did, just be up now like ain't shit happen it beyond me."

She smiled as she looked at Ava. A wave of silence took over us for a moment before she looked over at me. "So you really all in with Ashley huh?" She questioned.