ALEXANDER

Sex with him is terrific. And so is everything else about him. This past week has been amazing. Sleeping and waking up next to Christian has this ring that feels like happiness. Something I long for so badly and now that it's within my reach I am terrified.

****

“Whatever decision you make, I will respect it. " Chris mumbled as we drove home from the airport. I took his lips for a short kiss, savoring the feeling.

“ I want you, Chris,”

“ I know, but not in the way I want you," Chris argued. I opened my mouth to counter his remark, but he went on quickly,

“you are afraid of commitments, Alex, and I want commitment.”

“I am committed to you, Chris… and faithful… I don't see why we need labels to prove that.” Chris withdrew his hands and plunged them between his legs and faced forward.

“ I am sorry,” he mumbled heavily, and I knew tears were bound to follow. I scooted closer and grabbed him, he tried to resist but eventually, he sagged against my weight. I just held him quietly even as he started sobbing, "I love you," Chris cloaked, reaching out for my face. He traced my bottom lip with his thumb. He tilted his head and our lips brushed lightly. “ It hurts…”

“ I know, baby, and I am sorry. " I murmured, burying my face in his hair and took a deep breath. I looked out of the window when I saw us take a familiar turn, which meant we were almost home. I retrieved my hankie and wiped his face clean, making him more presentable for his mother.

“She will fret if she sees you, it's obvious you've been crying. " I observed lightly as Chris gauged his puffy eyes with the phone screen.

“ She is probably asleep,”

“ Let's not risk it, she will kill me for making you cry. " Chris smiled briefly, "that she will,” he answered.

When Yusuf drove into the compound, Chris was already composed and the puffiness of his eyes had slightly reduced. I knew if Elizabeth took a good look at her son, she would, undoubtedly, know he has been crying.

****

“ Welcome home, sir” my security guys called when Chris and I exited the car.

“ It's good to be home,” I murmured, helping Chris retrieve his numerous bags. The silly boy had bought everything he found remotely interesting. He was excited doing so, claiming he had never been able to spoil his friends, and it was nice for a change now that he can afford it. Those friends are lucky to have him…

“ Is that all?” Chris asked, checking if anything was missing.

“That's the last one. " I pointed at the brown shopping bag I had passed to him.

“ Good night, …” It felt more like a question.

“ Goodnight, Chris,” I confirmed.

I turned to go but paused, "take the next two days off, you have earned it.” I hurried to the mansion and let out a deep breath once I had locked the door behind me. I leaned on it and crouched on the floor, rubbing my tense finger. That was harder than I thought. Letting Chris go was damn hard.

****

“ I made a mistake,” I whispered, clutching my phone tighter once Jake picked up. My friend kept silent as I caught him up on things. “ What should I do?”

Jake didn't waste time as he stated fact after another. His argument left me feeling like a dumb ass. “ I will say it again, that boy is not James.” I nodded in understanding though he couldn't see, I knew he understood my resolve.

“I will call you tomorrow,” Jake announced just as his wife spoke in the background. I hung up, stood and peeled my coat off, and called Christian. Unfortunately, his phone was off, and I couldn't wait until morning to talk to him.

I assumed since we just got home he was still awake and with that thought, I walked to the staff quarters and knocked on their door. Elizabeth showed instead of Christian,

“Sorry if I woke you, I just wanted to check with Christian about an important project. “ I lied smoothly, but my heart was racing.

“ He is in the shower,” she turned briefly and glanced towards the connecting door, and my glance followed. Willing for him to appear and get me out of my damn misery. I took a step back, disappointed and turned on my heels after uttering a 'I apologize for the inconvenience.

“ Wait," she called just as I had taken a step. I turned and watched as the short woman took quick steps towards me with a strange look in her eyes. “ It's you,” she drawled, stepping to my face, forcing me to step back. I was about to ask what the hell she was talking about, but she beat me up to it. “ How long have you been seeing my son?” She asked dangerously low.

I have never wished to be invisible more, the deathly glare Elizabeth is giving me is enough to send me to the pits of hell. What's worse is that the pain, and suspicion in her eyes, she looks ready to take her son and bolt.

“ It's not what you think…”

“Classic!” She scoffed and I hesitated. “ What do you know of my thoughts, uh?” She challenged, popping her eyes out with skepticism. “Let me enlighten you, 'good sir',” she snapped harshly, air quoting The Good Sir. “ You took advantage of my son because he felt indebted to you! That's what I think.”

“I am in love with your son. " I blurted, surprising me more than her.

And the more I thought about it, the more convinced I got. I am in love with Christian, and the fear of losing him makes my trust issues seem insignificant.

“ I love your son, and I hadn't realized it until you insulted me by implying I took advantage of him.” Elizabeth's shock doubled at my outburst, but her gaze softened. “ I wanted to avoid feeling this about him… or anyone else, but I do. " I breathed deeply, averting my gaze from hers and clashed with Christian's instead.

“ Chris,” I called, making Elizabeth turn abruptly.

“ I love him, Ma.” Christian addressed his mother, but his gaze was on me as he articulated each word and then turned to her. “ And he just told you he loves me.”

Elizabeth hesitated for a moment, and then he hissed, "could be a lie.” Chris stepped closer and hugged her.

“He is not lying, if he said it, then he is sure beyond a reasonable doubt,” he murmured.

“ But he is old.....” Elizabeth protested, breaking the embrace. “ Ma!” But she gave him a what look. “ How old are you? " She addressed me.

“Twenty-eight.”

“See, he is ten years older than you. “ She coerced her stubborn son,

“Nine…” I chipped in, but mother and son didn't seem to acknowledge.

“ But I love him.” My boy argued, "Don't make me lose him, Ma. Please…”

Elizabeth glared at me but with her son, she softened her features, "I will be understanding, but if he hurts you, I will burn this property to the ground alongside him" She eyed me daringly.

“ I will not hurt him, I give you my word. "

She wasn't ecstatic, but she tried, "he has been hurt enough. "

“ I know,” I truly did. “ And I will do everything not to hurt him. " I promised.

“ I will hold you to your word. " Elizabeth decided, and she wished me a brief good night and kissed her son's head. She had barely locked the door when Chris slammed on my chest.

“ Did you mean it?” His eyes twinkled with excitement, drawing a smile out of me.

“ I thought you believed me,” I accused playfully. “ You made Elizabeth believe it, too.” I caressed his back, holding him loosely by the waist.

He let out a delightful chuckle,

“ I had to or Ma would have barbecued your ass together with the property. "

“Mmh…" I hummed, pulling him with me towards the house. Elizabeth will have to pardon me, just for tonight, I decided as I dragged Christian up to my room and in my bed. We climbed in the middle, and he settled on my thighs as I enveloped my hands around his waist, pulling him closer. “ I love you, Christian. " I gazed into his eyes, baring my heart out. Giving him a means to end me if he chooses. For I know I wouldn't survive it if he decided to cheat.

“ I believe you.” He replied, laying his head on my shoulder. Our usual lust forgotten, I held him close as we talked endlessly, mostly him asking questions, and for the first time, I felt the need to answer everything, honestly.