You Me At Six - Room To Breathe

Warmth began to spread through me, a tingle in my fingers, little fires over my skin, and then they became stronger, fiercer, until it burned like an inferno was raging around me. My mind reeled, wondering if this was Hell, if I had died waiting for Abraham in the snow and now I was finally where I belonged. I tried to open my eyes, but they wouldn't listen to me. I tried to move, but my limbs felt too heavy.

The air around me sizzled, power and heat rushing toward me and then I felt it, him, the electricity that meant he was near. He was there, my Pair. He was using his Sign to warm or kill me, I couldn't tell. I wasn't in Hell, but I was close enough. I wished I could see him, so I could glare into his face, send all my hate out through my eyes, through my stare so he would know that he was my enemy, that I hadn't forgiven him, that I never could.

I fought to open my eyes so I could see the beautiful, damned navy of his, so I could look at the only man I had ever truly loved, but now despised. My eyelids fluttered and I knew I had won. I could move my arms too, everything working again. I let my Shift cover me as I opened my eyes, now black, bottomless pools in my face. My arm flew forward, sensing where he was before I could even focus my sight on him. My hand closed around his throat, my fingers digging into his skin, but something was wrong. He didn't feel right. A beard scratched the top of my hand. The electricity on my skin didn't feel right either. It was the prickle of a heal, a strong one, but not my Pair.

A moment later my eyes focused on the world around me. I was no longer in the woods, no longer leaning against cold stone in the snow. Instead, I was in a bed, warm light glowed around me and a fire crackled on my right. A man stood over me, his eyes wide with shock and pain, my hand wrapped around his neck, his quick pulse thrumming strongly beneath my fingers. I let go as I rolled the opposite direction, leaving the bed and landing on my feet in one smooth motion, turning to him as my body coiled, ready to attack if necessary.

"Where am I?"

My voice came out in a rasp that burned my throat.

"You're at the Vault. I'm your healer, Ailech."

The man's voice was even, despite the fact that he had red marks spreading across his neck where I had grabbed him. He hadn't moved from his spot next to my bed, even his hands were still stretched downwards, as if he had laid them on me as I slept, healing me, or more likely, thawing me. I let my Shift sink below my skin, ink and ice bleeding away as colors began to appear.

"Abby will explain what you need to know. We aren't going to hurt you."

He moved his hands to his sides, standing tall like a soldier and I felt my chest loosen a degree. This is what I wanted, to be somewhere where people would have answers, plans. Somewhere where people were prepared for what was coming, whether for me or from me.

"You couldn't hurt me."

The words slipped out and I wished they had sounded more confident, like I didn't think he had the skills, or the power to hurt someone like me. In actuality it just sounded defeated, like I was admitting to him that I was already in so much pain he couldn't possibly damage me any more than I already was. He seemed to notice too, watching me for a moment before respectfully dropping his eyes to the bed.

With the silence hanging between us, and it appearing he didn't plan to look up anytime soon, I took a moment to appraise him. He was about my height, maybe an inch taller, maybe an inch shy of six feet, with a dark stubbly beard that covered most of the lower portion of his face. His eyes were dark green, like shadows in a forest, though the way he was looking down made his thick lashes hide most of their color. His skin was tanned despite the weather outside. Maybe a hint of Native American I guessed from his hair color and the tint to his skin, though the beard threw me off. There was something about him that seemed out of place, but I couldn't decide what. I watched him for a moment longer, before feeling my Gift shiver in my mind, a gentle prod asking to be used.

I let it out, waiting to hear the man - Ailech's - thoughts. Waiting for the rush I always felt when another's mind filled my own, but I was met with only silence, eerie silence that was heavy like the snow still surely piling up outside. Syn's mind had often been quiet, but not like this. His had been quiet when he watched me, simply letting my actions be noticed without any judgment or thought of why I did what I did. But this silence seemed total, solid, constructed, like a thick sheet of glass separated Ailech from me, so dense he could be screaming on the other side and I wouldn't hear him.

I noticed my face was twisted, my eyebrows pulled together with the effort of trying to see what wasn't there, to hear what wasn't there. Ailech looked up then, his eyes catching mine as a sly grin tried to break across his face, though he did his best to stifle it. Then I knew what hadn't fit about him, he had held his head bowed courteously, but his stance hadn't matched. He wasn't the kind to be pleasant, let alone gracious. He had a distinct look to him that said he didn't listen well, that he didn't allow anyone to dictate what he said or did. The fact he had been polite for so long seemed nothing short of a miracle. His face looked like it wore a sneer better than a smile, disinterest more often than eagerness. Even now as he watched me trying to use my Gift on him when he was clearly immune, his face seemed at war with itself as he tried to suppress the mischievous look that I'm sure was used to settling there. In short, he looked irritating.

"So, what are you?"

I was glad my voice seemed to be obeying me again, my words coming out easy and casual, confident.

"I'm your healer, Ailech, a human."

The smirk hiding behind his straight face grew, the occasional twitch of his lips showing the great control he was attempting to hide it.

"Human's are the easiest for me to read. You aren't human, not just at least."

I tried to hide my annoyance, like he was hiding his enjoyment, but my voice betrayed me as usual, a hint of irritation showing through. The thought that he was a Skia came to me, but he felt different, not like the men Kael and Nevaeh had captured.

"Guess you haven't met all types of human yet, Miss Mors."

His eyes practically twinkled now, even his voice held a hint of glee and it made me want to hit him. The name he used sounded foreign coming from him, not quite mocking, but something mildly similar.

"Then what kind of little human might you be?"

My words now came from behind clenched teeth as I bit back the urge to kill the man in front of me. He should be afraid of me, of what I could do to him as easily as breathing. He should be afraid of the things I wanted to do to him. I was an injured animal, confused and in a new environment. He should be terrified of me.

"You know, you're human too. All the things out there are, in some way or another. Except the really nasty ones, demons and Fallen and the like, but the rest of us are at least partially human, or were. Therefore saying I'm a human isn't a lie. You should amend how you ask your questions."

His eyes no longer tried to hide his pleasure at our conversation, they shone with it, and though the glow complemented their bright green, I still found my fists balling at my side, begging my mind to let me swing at him.

I took a step forward, expecting him to take a mirrored one back, like Chi had always done, like everyone always did, even unconsciously. Except for Syn, he never felt the need to keep his distance from me. Some fucking good that had done him. I shooed the thought of him from my mind, afraid the pain would follow. But instead of stepping back as I had expected, Ailech's smile grew, showing slivers of teeth behind his lips. A moment later I heard footsteps from somewhere outside the room, and then the handle turned.

Abraham burst into the room in a flurry of wild hair, scarves, gloves, and many more layers of coats and sweaters than I thought necessary, even if it was well below freezing out. He shook the snow from his hair with one hand, making it even messier, as he dumped the mass of fabrics he had previously been wearing onto the floor with a heavy squish. His arms were around me in a bony yet firm hug as soon as he crossed the floor. He smelled like weeds, but in a pleasant way, like walking through a field in summer.

"My girl! She's awoken from her frozen slumber! You had me worried, child. I thought it was all over before it began for a moment!"

His words sounded muffled because of the tight hug he held me in and I felt increasingly awkward the longer the embrace continued. My arms were pinned to my sides, since I hadn't been able to move them in time before he flung his around me, and I felt trapped, frozen in my own shock. I couldn't remember the last time anyone had hugged me.

After what seemed a multi-minute stretch, but was really probably only a couple of seconds, he let me go, stepping back with his hands on my shoulders as if to get a good look at me.

"Good job Ailech, she seems right as rain. You were almost blue when we found you."

His eyes were filled with concern, but the news that I had almost frozen through hardly fazed me. I had more pressing questions in mind.

"Where am I? Am I still in the city?"

It was hard to keep my voice serious with Abraham staring at me with such blatant over-exuberance on his wrinkled, old face.

"Just outside the city, you're in the V-"

"Vault, yeah, Allen told me."

"Ailech," Muttered an annoyed voice from behind me, at which Abraham gave a poignant look.

"Ailech is one of our most promising healers, he is now your personal healer for the duration of your stay, as long or short as that may be. I am a man of my word and you are not a prisoner here, you may leave whenever you like, but since you did call me, I assume you had a reason? A desire to be here?"

Abraham's words were kind, if in a probing way, but somehow he still frustrated me, just like Ailech, just like everything.

"Did you make the Skia?"

My question was met with silence, the fire's crackling and a chorus of three people's quiet breathing the only noises in the large room we stood in. We looked a strange trio I imagined; a damned woman, an old man who looked like he had just been punched in the stomach, and a man who could barely contain his superiority complex, yet was supposed to serve those around him. The silence stretched on, but eventually Abraham cleared his throat and spoke with some difficulty, like I really had knocked the air from his aged lungs.

"Very few could do that, and none here ever would. As I said before, I'm not that kind of mage, and that goes for my charges as well. No one here is responsible. Now tell me, how did you hear about that delicate bit of information?"

"I had a dream."

"Ah, a vision."

"A dream."

I ground my teeth, hating how he thought he knew so much about me. And how accurate his guesses kept being. Abraham's eyebrows rose high again, almost meeting his crazed hair, long wiry brows mingling with the shocks of white that hung down by his face, damp from the melting snow.

"Mr. Darke had the Gift of visions, it would be completely understandable for you to house the same."

Abraham glanced to Ailech who had walked over to stand next to him, a smug look in his bright green eyes that made me want to punch him, again. Though the rest of his face was neutral.

"Actually, I have prophecies, my visions only started coming about after my Pair and I went our separate ways."

I shouldn't have told them, but I wanted to wipe the self-satisfied look off of Ailech's face. His attitude was already grating me.

"I can see people's minds too, their thoughts, past, memories, oh, and I am 'very perceptive of others' souls, their intentions', as well. Guess I hit the damned jackpot of Gifts."

My words came out a hiss, my hate for my Pair, and all the parts of him I seemed to be gaining, showing through in my voice. I got the reaction I wanted though, Ailech's eyes widened to a point I assumed they rarely did. He seemed the type to usually hide his surprise, since it meant someone else had done something unexpected. Abraham, however, simply smiled at me, his eyebrows settled back to their usual home, furry salt and pepper caterpillars just above his watery, blue eyes.

"Can you control fire too? Create it? Do you share in his Sign?"

His voice sounded giddy now, like he had just discovered I was a child prodigy where previously he had thought I might be a bit thick.

"No, but I can destroy enough with my own Sign, I don't need his."

Again, I wished my voice sounded stronger, but I felt my tone betray me. The end had sounded strangled, a strained lie that was clear to anyone who heard it. As much as my words said the opposite, my voice said I did need him. Ailech had recovered from his surprise, but now his eyebrow perked up, just one, an upwards turn of his lips on the opposite side of his face. He didn't look smug anymore, but I still wanted to hit him. He looked interested, intrigued, like I was some rare creature he could examine in a class that usually bored him. Abraham was the one who spoke next.

"We certainly have a lot to work with then, and I'd like to start as soon as possible, before Mr. Darke comes for you. Unless he has grown up considerably, he can be very difficult to work with and I'd like to give you the opportunity to learn without his...let's call it 'distracting nature' present,"

Abraham opened his mouth as if to continue, but words were already spilling from my own.

"He isn't coming. He won't show his face anywhere near me. He's miles or countries and oceans away by now. He won't come for me, not now, not ever."

My mouth felt bitter even saying the words, spitting them out without thinking. Ailech looked surprised again, recovering more quickly this time. Abraham just looked sad, the blue of his eyes shining, though it might have just been from their watery color.

When he spoke again it was with a slow, deliberate tone, as if he was breaking news to me gently.

"Child, James never left your side, never left the city at all. How could he? You're his Half, his Pair, his Twin. He would never leave you."

"Liar! He did leave me! He left me because I hate him, because he lied to me, because he's disgusted with what I am, what he is! He left me because he doesn't have a heart or soul or anything else that would keep him by my side. He doesn't care about anyone, anyone but himself! He doesn't have loyalty! He isn't even James, he's Gabriel, a liar who manipulated his entire Clan for years, who lied to my face. I thought I knew him, I thought he was good. I gave up everything for James, but James doesn't even exist, just Gabriel, just a monster, a demon! He didn't even have the courtesy to sharpen the knife before he dug it into my back, so don't tell me he couldn't leave me, don't make it sound like he cares. He's incapable of caring! He did leave, and he won't come for me because he doesn't want me!"

I fought down my shift, feeling it snap its jaws at each attempt to temper it I used, growling and hissing and fighting me as I held it in its cage. I could feel my heart pounding, my hands shaking at my sides and I cursed the number of times my voice broke as I yelled at Abraham, yelled all the things I knew were true, but hated to say aloud.

He thought he knew so much about me, but he knew nothing, nothing of my Pair, nothing of my past or what I was capable of, what my Pair was capable of. He didn't know how I had felt about him, he didn't know that I had trusted him, loved him, that I thought he felt the same about me. He didn't know what I had gone through, what I thought I had found in him. He didn't feel the betrayal, the knife still in my back, a permanent fixture there.

There was a long pause, and after my outburst, it sounded strange, like the room was recovering from the noise. Abraham looked older than ever, his eyes sparkling with wetness I was sure wasn't just an illusion of their color. Ailech stood stock still next to the old wizard, his head slightly bowed as if he should be looking at the ground, but his eyes were on me, looking up through a fan of dark lashes. Finally, Abraham looked about to speak, lines creasing his forehead in concern.

"I know what happened, I was going to wait until you felt comfortable enough to tell me, but I know. And I know you are angry with your Pair, but can you blame him, dear child? Can you really not see the reasons behind his deceit? You say he is incapable of caring when you know that isn't true, he cares for his Clan, for you in particular. That is why he wouldn't leave, couldn't leave.

Who do you think directed Chimarah to take you from Jevin? Who do you think killed Jevin? Who has been watching over you all along? Why would he hide what he was, be fearful of revealing himself to you, if he did not care, if he could not care? You are the same as him, are you not? And don't you care? Can't you care for others? Don't you feel loss for your Clan, your friends, for Syn?"

My eyes drilled into Abraham's. How did he know about Syn? Had he caused his death as a way to make me come to him? I felt my teeth grind, my Shift growing, stretching beneath my skin, scraping over my bones and tightening my muscles. I would kill him if he was responsible. And I wouldn't be quick, I wouldn't be merciful. I don't care what reasons he said, what answers he tried to spew at me, what powers he had. I would kill him if he had stolen Syn from this world, from his family, from me. If he had sent an innocent man to burn.

"I know what has happened to you, what's been done. I know about Syn and Jevin and Juda, all the pain you've endured, but you cannot let it harden you. James took these events and more, all the pain and wickedness that life dealt him and hardened himself against it. He thinks that being hard is the only way to survive, to be strong...but he is mistaken. He will only become a monster if he continues down the path he is now on. Don't make the same mistakes as him. He can yet be saved, but you will be a part of that, and you can't do that if you fall into the same trap that he has.

His father has planned this out in great detail; he drove James to not trust anymore and therefore hide himself even from his Clan, then, he tore that Clan apart with James' secret. He waiting again, letting you feel safe, letting you recover just enough before he broke you again, killing Syn. If you must hate someone, hate the man who has caused all the pain you've been through, who's behind every tragedy you've had to suffer. But do not hate James, another victim of his father. James will come for you. He can't not come for you. He needs you. I just hope you have time to forgive him before he makes his appearance. Don't let the stories of your kind make you believe you are completely sinful, everyone is capable of good, some just have to try harder than others."