I am sorry

threatened to close down at any given moment now. She had her last semester, last assignment going om and she has to say that it was worse than all the other she had faced. Then again, once those semesters went away only then they seem easy.

Nothing was ever easy.

Just as her life, if someone told her in her time in jail that her life will take such drastic changes she would have laughed, maybe. Because she always knew her life was unpredictable. Her life held pain, suffering and longing.

But, it all comes down to having something precious in her life. Or should she say two precious people in her life?

Amaal and Zain.

They both came at unexpected times and mostly in her worse phases. She was walking on a thin line and they grab her hand making her walk on a different path. If she does think none of them truly pushed her to any path rather they stayed there while she made her path.

Her path was her own.

Her husband was the best thing that happened to her life. She couldn't have asked for a blessing better than him. After their marriage, he never pushed himself on her and understand her fear. He helped her through those fear and somehow it he allowed her to always take a step towards him rather him pushing his steps towards her.

He stayed.

And she ran to him.

From the simplest and purest touch that only he had taught her that they do exist in life to their being one. She had to say she was nervous and people around her started pressuring her into having a child and the continue studies and her life. She has no idea why people need to interfere in spouse matter?. However, she realises there was no her life or his life- they were one.

Though they were two different individual and more when it comes down to family- they were not two but one. So, she didn't hide away from her husband that she was being forced rather she told him and they talked it out. She wasn't ready and he would never force her into anything. He wanted her to focus on studies and they already had a child to look after.

Amaal had had him wrapped around her finger. She had to force Zain to leave Amaal with her because when she works late on her assignment Zain always shut her alarm down, close the curtain, cook breakfast, prepare Amaal for the day and takes her with him.

It's been four years of their marriage and Amaal was five years old.

She had seen Amaal growing into a beautiful child with the love she was blossoming into and she couldn't be more glad. She always wanted the best for Amaal which is the exact same interest of Zain. He was overprotective of her and he didn't trust anyone with her- no matter how close they are. If they went to the family gathering he always kept Amaal with him not wanting her to have any harm.

That doesn't mean that he had stopped Amaal from ever having fun. But having fun and placing limits is just as important and different things. Limits needed to be set so she grows into a beautiful woman who understands, care and is compassionate about things around her.

While Zeenat continues to work along with her husband and now studying business helps her to look for more opportunities their restaurant can excess in. In the afternoon she comes back with Amaal to stay with her and help her through her homework while she works on her studies. At night, and most of the nights they all cook food together and eat it.

One missing person being his mother who passed away two years ago.

It was devastating.

She always looked at her for help and whenever she lost her way but then she had to send her away from where she can never reach her. Though this time she dealt with pain better and was able to hold Zain up. Those were a hard time because she had never seen Zain breaking down and he was breaking down badly.

In the end, he is a human too.

He wasn't perfect. She realises that time to time she had to give him space and talk to him rather always fill him with to do work or problems. She just needs to sit down with a cup of tea and listen to him just like he always listen to him.

She didn't realise that until his mother went away. From then on, she made it a routine to always listen to him and no matter how busy their lives are and how many responsibilities are there to look at. She always stops and sits down with him to just talk.

And talking is essential.

She heard the door opening and her last assignment is eating her brain off though she still wants to complete it because she had always dreamed of it. She turns to find her husband standing there with a small smile of adoration as he holds two cups of coffee in his hands. He walks towards her passing her the cup sitting beside her.

"You should be sleeping". She mumbles as she takes the sip from her cup

He hummed, "I could have but I wanted to be with you".

She smiles as she looks at his sleepy eyes knowing he will sleep any given moment now. As she starts to write her assignment after feeling refreshed and the time passes as she was ready to submit she heard a light snores. She turns to her husband who was laying on the carpet sleeping. She had to say she never thought someone could look good simply sleeping but she loves every action of his.

She brushes his hair as she whispers, "I love you".

It took her time- a lot of time to clearly understand what love was. She never had heard of it and most love was manipulating around her. Like people telling her that if she loves her husband she should give him a child and not burden him with just someone else child. These talks mostly started after his mother passed away and she realises that she needs to stay away from this toxicity. Because the more she stayed the more they made her feel worthless. Anything that makes you feel worthless is not worth it.

Also, she realises that their house affairs and their relationship understanding are between them and no one has rights in it or to objectify their decisions. Unwanted and extra involvement of anyone in someone else house will only cause disaster.

She sent her last email ending her semester for good.

She looks at her husband shaking him as she opens his eyes a little looking at her. He pulls her beside him wrapping his arms tightly around her. While he was on the carpet she was on top of him knowing he wouldn't let her be on the floor because her body aches.

"Sleep, Jaan. Stop with the thinking". He mumbles massaging her head, "I am proud that you are done with your studies but please rest now". (My life)

She places a hand under her chin looking at him grinning, "You gave me coffee now I can't sleep".

He chuckles, "What are you thinking about?". He asked opening his eyes as his hand caress her cheeks

"Life". She said shrugging, "Just thinking about how far we came".

"We were meant to". He said smiling, "Because we were together. Now, sleep because our daughter is excited for the carnival tomorrow and I don't want to disappoint her with low energy".

She chuckles, "She will never be disappointed in you, Zain. She looks up to you".

"That just means I need to work harder". He said closing his eyes with a smile gazing his lips, "I want her to learn everything good and live a beautiful life".

"The life we couldn't live?". She asked

"No! The life she deserves to have". He replied kissing her forehead, "We will never compare her life, happiness, decision or anything with our lives because that is cruel. I know she will have challenges that are harder than us or harder for her but I just want us to be there to support her and for her to find her way through them. I want her to be a beautiful strong woman".

She nodded understanding as she feels her eyes dropping when she heard him mumble, "I love you more. More than my life, Jaan".

She smiles as she finally sleeps.

The next day she was hyper same as Amaal who was continuously talking to Zain about how fun it's going to be. She cooks breakfast while Amaal stays in Zain arms as she talks him into getting him the stuffed toy.

He always gets her one when he takes them to the carnival. It is always fun to see him struggling with getting the toy while playing the game but after the struggle, he always shines brightly once he had both of them their stuffed toy.

That was his way of showing his love.

His dedication towards them.

She holds Amaal one hand while he holds the other one and she bounces between them happily as they roam inside the carnival. Her laughter and joy was the reason she had come so far. Knowing that she had done the best thing by choosing herself, her (Amaal) and Zain for her future.

Which reminds her of Ahad.

Well, he hadn't improved yet. She was losing hopes of it. It's probably because no one ever dared to tell me he was wrong and he has grown himself into believing that he was doing everything absolutely right.

That is a sickness that one should stay far away from. Because the moment a person starts to think they are the best and everyone else is just plain wrong is when they will lose sight of everything- even happiness.

Ahad still was good for Amaal or so she thinks because Zain always stays in those visits. Obviously, they have spoken to Amaal and answer her questions but she never told her about why she doesn't live with her father.

Because she understands that Amaal doesn't need to be bothered especially at such a young age or any age for that matter with her mother past. She wanted Amaal to experience father and Ahad was well in it so she doesn't have to ruin her mind (corrupt her mind) with having her young mind and heart to understand the depth she (Zeenat) herself understand when she was in twentieth.

It's cruel.

It's cruel for a child to have stuck between their parent's matter. Psychological they are not stable because of the stuff that their shoulder had to bear at a young age and they shouldn't. They shouldn't be involved in their parent's matter- whatsoever.

Because the after effect is drastic.

Even with Zain, he had made sure that whenever they were to argue they never allow her to listen, witness or be affected by it.

That's one of the things that she understood through her life.

There was something else though with the fact that Zain had taken on himself to build their lives and give her space and support her to accomplish everything that she ever wanted in her life.

She had to return it back to him.

Not because she is liable because that's how a healthy relationship works. Having always wanting everything to be about yourself is toxic. Very toxic.

When there are two people involved in the marriage it means it's about two people. Not one.

Obviously, Zain lacks so do she.

That's human all about.

She watches as Zain lifted Amaal gracefully in his arms protectively and his other hand found it's way to her as he smiles instantly when her eyes connected with his and in them she finds his love shining for her and their family.

Zain stops at the front of the game he always plays for his family. He had never thought he would come this far in life where all he thinks about was his family happiness. He had never truly thought that his one heart could be divided into two.

One for his wife.

One for Amaal.

He never truly knows how his life been so blessed but he had been working hard to show them that they mean the world to him and he will continue to do so.

As he wins the game he handed one toy to Amaal who was grinning at him and he moves to his wife who was smiling warmly at him. As he stops in front of her handing her the toy ready to pick Amaal back in his hand who was currently wrapped around his leg talking about her new toy. He stopped when his wife held his hand making him look at her.

"I also have something for you". She said grinning shyly as he frowns, "You are going to be father again".

And he understand that his heart can be divided into three.

One for his coming child.