The past few days at the club has been average. I hadn't seen much of Daddy Mac lately and Vontez and I weren't on speaking terms. I got up early to start my day. It was around 11 a.m so I knew I had a jump start on things. I brushed my teeth and picked out my clothes for the day. Today would be the day I would go out with cashier boy. I told him to meet me by the doors at 12:30 p.m

I wanted to go by Isis's room to say hey and catch up. I knocked on the door and she opened it up. She stepped aside and I walked in..

"How you been Isis?" I ask, plopping down on her bed.

"I've been good. Haven't seen much of you lately." She says, taking her place back in her stool in front of her mirror.

"I've been working. I'm trying to save up to do better things but I always end up spending." I shrug.

She chuckles. "I know the feeling."

"But so far I've got $1,025 saved up." I admit.

She looks back at me. "I would've thought you would've had more by now."

"Spending...." I repeat rubbing my thumb and index finger together.

She rolls her eyes. "You've got to do better."

"I know right but guess what?" I exclaim, getting excited to tell her my news.

"What?" She says, plainly.

"You're supposed to guess." I stare at her.

"I don't play those games. You're gonna tell me or not?" She says, harshly.

"So rude..." I roll my eyes. "But anyways, I've got a date tonight." I smile.

Her head snaps back to look at me. "A date?" She says, shocked.

"Yes... A date." I repeat.

She starts to shake her head. "Daddy Mac isn't going to like this."

"How would he not like it. I thought we could do that here at least."

"Darrien you just don't understand the type of person he is nor do you see how he treats you."

I scoff at her statement. "He treats me like a son. Nothing more."

"Even so, he treats you better than others here. Some people are gonna notice and start to get jealous. Do not mistake him being kind to you for a weakness because he will hurt you in the blink of an eye."

"How would you know?" I ask.

"Because before you came Vontez was in your place and look where he is now." She says and it makes me think.

"You're right. That's why I am trying to break away from his affection. I'm in my feet now."

She sighs. "If only it was that easy."

"I believe it'll work."

"Okay..." She says, skeptically. "Who are you going on this date with?"

"A boy I met at a clothing store and from the club."

"From the club?" She turns to look at me like I had three heads. "Darrien you never mix business with pleasure. If he knows you work at that club as a stripper he has to have some type of motive."

I shake my head in disagreement. "Isis he just realized I worked there." I lie.

"I'm against this Darrien. I don't think you should go with this boy, man, dude, whatever the hell he is." She protests.

"I promise you Isis it's not what you think. I won't do anything dumb."

"You know what I'm done. I'll let you be a big boy. Just don't say I didn't tell you so."

"Isis...." I sigh.

"Go ahead on. I have to get dressed. I'll talk to you soon." She stands up and walks over to the door, opening it.

I stand up and walk out of the door. I know Isis is just looking out for me. I'm a big boy and Cashier boy doesn't give off a harmful vibe to me. Maybe I should stay in? No. I want to enjoy myself. Daddy Mac has no interest in me. I have no interest in him. It's strictly business. I look at the clock on the wall and it's now 12:32 p.m damn time moves fast. I quickly walk down the stairs and out of the door. I come face to face with Cashier boy.

"Hey..." He opens his arms for a hug.

I walk into his embrace to be hugged tightly. "Good Afternoon sir."

"I started to think you wasn't coming."

I laughed "What made you think that?"

"I'm very punctual. 12:30 p.m means 12:30 p.m"

"That's good though." I smile.

"Well come on we gonna go kart racing."

I smile brightly. "Let's go."

-----

We arrive at the go kart place. It was very big and spacious. I looked around at the kids and families here enjoying themselves. I can't say I didn't miss home but I couldn't bring myself to go back. Even though Jalonni hurt me physically and emotionally I can't say I hate him because I don't. The fear itself is still there. The nightmares are still there but for the most part I'm glad I got away. I feel most bad for my brothers I often wonder how they are. Do they hate me? Has Theo moved on? How is Syn? My decisions may not have been for the good of everyone but it eased the pain from me. I just know I'll regret it later on in life.

We walk inside and go to pay for our rides. I was excited just to be out doing something. The guide escorted us to our kart and prepared for our race. I hopped inside my kart and strapped in.

"Prepare to be left." He says to me.

"Ha! You'll be eating those words soon !"

"On my mark!" The worker says, holding up his thumb. "3, 2, 1. GO!" The green light flashes and all the karts took off down the track. I tried my best to get in front of everyone but they kept trying to ram into my kart.

I managed to get next to Cashier Boy. As long as I beat him I was content. I rammed into him causing his kart to swerve over. I blasted past him and made my way around the rest of the course. I finished before him and I jumped out of my kart and sat down reading a magazine until he got close enough.

When he finally pulled up I burst out laughing. "Took you long enough..." I said, as I sat my magazine down.

"Shut up. You cheated." He pouted.

"I did not. All's fair in love and war."

"So you love me?" He said with an arched eyebrow.

"Nope..." I stuck my tongue out. "Love is an emotional thing."

"You're not emotional?" He asks, seriously.

"Not as I would like to be." I admit.

"That's crazy. " He says, staring at me.

"Yo Tonio!" Someone called out.

We both turned around and saw a group of boys walking towards us. I turned fully around to be on his left side when they approached us.

"Tonio! We didn't know you would be off today." The light skinned boy raised his hand for a dap.

So that's his name.

"Yeah I had plans." He smiled over at me.

"Oh who's this?" His friend points at me.

"This is...." He looks at me and scratches his head.

"Darrien..." I introduce myself.

"Well hello Darrien." His friend greeted me and held his hand out for a handshake. I accept it but he was holding my hand a bit too long so I pulled back.

"What are y'all about to get into?" Tonio asks.

"We want to go to this party that's going down in a little while. Y'all want to come?" His friend speaks.

"Yeah..." He looks at me. "You down?"

I hesitate before speaking. "I don't know.. "

"Come on. It'll be fun I promise." He smirks.

My mind was telling me no but I want to be normal for once.

"Okay..." I finally agree.

"Alright. See y'all soon." The group leaves and I turn to Tonio.

"You hungry?" He asks.

"Yeah." I respond.

"Let's go eat and catch a movie... "

"Okay..." I answer, enthusiastically. Anything to pass the time quicker.

-------

After the movie ended, we stood up to exit the theatre. I was enjoying myself. Even though I felt slight guilt for being out with Vontez's ex. It's just friendly fun.

"That movie was dope. Don't you think?"

"I mean I liked it but I'll have to see Taken 1 and 2 to understand 3." I respond.

"You right." He chuckles. "You ready to go to this party?"

I look down at my outfit then back at him. "Am I dressed for it?" I ask, skeptically.

"Look up..." He lifts my chin up to the sky. "It's night time. Nobody will care."

"Thank goodness for daylight savings time." I snicker.

"Right... Come on."

We get inside his car, and head off for the inclusive party. I was super nervous being around people whom I wasn't accustomed to. I want so badly to tell him to take me home, but I didn't want to be viewed as a L square or boring person. I would catch him glancing over at me from time to time and I couldn't help but smile a nervous smile back.

We pull up to the house where the party was supposed to be happening, and I was shocked to see no cars were present. I looked at him to read his expression and there wasn't one. He simply opened his door and got out of the car. He walked around to my side and headed up the stairs.

"Tonio..." I called out to him.

He turned around. "Wassup?"

"This party doesn't look like one I've seen." I protest.

He sighs. "You never know who's inside." He says, turning around and ringing the doorbell.

Too many red flags in my mind are going off. I was about to tell him to take me home, but the door swung open causing me to jump.

"Eyyy, Toni Toni Tone." A dark, chocolate, boy answers the door. I start to hear the music being played and I see a few people walking around so I was less nervous.

"What's good K-Slice." Tonio says, as they dapped and hugged.

The boy then averted his eyes upon me. "Who is this cute thing?" He asks and I blush.

"That's my homie Darrien." Tonio introduces me.

The boy licks his lips. "Well, Well, Come on in." He stands to the side and we both enter the house. I have to slide past his awkward friend.

We enter the house and I start to glance around at everything. This didn't look like much of a party. Where was the food? drinks? And the people? I get shaken out of my thoughts by Tonio telling me to follow him. We start to walk down a staircase that looks like it led to the basement. One we got down there, we walked through a door. We came faced with the group of boys I saw at the go kart place. They were all smoking. The weed filled the air as they all slouched back on the sofa.

"Tonio! Have a seat. Take a smoke." His friend says handing him the blunt.

He takes it and plops down on the sofa. I stand by the door and watch them all. I'm so out of my element.

"You can sit down too lil dude." The light skinned boy whom I spoke to earlier says.

"I don't know."

"Come on. Don't be antisocial now." Tonio says, blowing out smoke.

I walk around and sit down on the far end from him. I sit back trying to get comfortable as they all joke and make conversation.

"You thirsty?" Tonio asks me.

"Not really." I shrug.

"I'm gonna get you something to drink." He stands up and walks up the stairs leaving me downstairs alone with these people.

"So where you meet Tony?" Chocolate boy asks.

"I met him while I was out buying clothes and at a club."

"Oh. What club?"

"Little Dell's." I respond.

"Hmm. A strip club. What you was doing there?" He asks, amused.

"Umm. I work there." I confess.

"Wow. You gone dance for us?" He asks and the other boys avert their eyes on me.

"I'm not prepared..." I lie. I just don't want to do it.

"Come on it's only six of us. Including Tonio..." He smiles and sits forward. "Matter of fact... " He pulls out his wallet and throws two fifty's on me. "There's some cash." He sits back in his chair.

"I'm okay..." I say getting even more nervous by the minute. I do not feel safe right now. All the signs are telling me to leave.

"Here you go." Tonio says, handing me a cup of sprite.

I looked up at him and took the cup. He sat down next to me and I fiddled with the cup. I looked over at him trying to get him to read my lips.

"Drink up.." He says lighting his blunt up again.

I look down at the cup and shake it before I place it up to my mouth and drink a good amount of it. The afterburn it left in my throat stung but it was refreshing. I placed my cup down and noticed Tonio staring at me. I sat back on the sofa, and stared around at everyone. The room soon started to spin, and I started to sweat tremendously.

"Come here." Tonio says, lustfully with low eyes.

I shook my head no.

He pulled me by my arm into his lap. I tried to move off but he held my waist down. "Give me a kiss."

I looked at his lips and back at his eyes. All I saw were circles as if I was high. He pulled my head in closer and kissed me. I tried to fight it but he wouldn't let my head up. I bit his bottom lip and he pushed me off of him. I scattered over to the door but he dragged me back over to the sofa and held my arms above my head, kissing on my neck.

"Please stop..." I begged. "Don't let him do this."

His friends all laughed as they watched him violate me.

"Flip the bitch over. " The light skinned boy says, walking in front of me unbuttoning his jeans.

"Please..." I beg. Tonio pushes my head down into the sofa cushion and I could feel him pulling my jeans down.

"Shut the fuck up or I'll kill you." He growled in my ear lowly. His voice sent chills through my fragile body. Why is he doing this to me? Why is it always me?

He spread my cheeks and stuffed 2 fingers in roughly.

"AHHH!" I shouted out and his friend slapped me hard across the face.

"Come on. Suck on daddy." He grabbed my mouth and forced himself inside. I gagged multiple times but he didn't care. I soon felt Tonio's head at my entrance. I started to weep as the others gathered around with their camera's and waiting their turn.

Once he began to pushed inside of me without any condom or lube I started to black out.

"You better not scream." One of the other boys said as he replaced one of the boys raping me.

Every time I try to trust someone. I end up hurt. I should've listened to Isis. Now I'm paying a price for not listening despite the obvious signs. I would say I deserved this. I'm nothing. I never was. Everytime I start to build myself up I get knocked back down. God hates me. I'm nothing to anyone. I'll just accept it.