《Humor》Sore Tooth
Advertisement
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"
"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money."
"What are the three tests?" asks the man
"Gotta pay first."
So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar.
"OK, here's what you have to do. First, you have to drink that whole bottle of pepper tequila -- the WHOLE thing at once -- and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her."
"Well, I know I've paid my $10 bucks," says the man, "but I'm not an idiot. No wonder you've collected so much money -- that's impossible!"
The new guy proceeds to drink several whiskeys, and eventually, he gets up his nerve.
"Wherez zat teeqeelah?" he slurs.
He grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back. Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside -- barking, yelping and growling, then silence.
Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and gashes across his body.
"NOW," he says, "wherez at ol' lady with the sore tooth?"
________________________________________________
I haven't posted in like YEARS!! But someone asked, so here yah go!
Isabella Duggan
XOXO
Advertisement
- In Serial20 Chapters
The Ascendant: Endless Reincarnation
My name is Richard Brooks. I died while saving a kid. Kicking the bucket at 28 was really depressing, you know? There’s so much I still wanted to do. But instead of passing on, I was thrust into an endless series of reincarnations. Whenever I die, I earn Karma points based on my achievements and growth. These points can be exchanged for weapons, spells, or other bonuses to make my next lives more interesting. “What kills me only makes me stronger!” Or something like that. Honestly, it feels like I’m stuck in an RPG. The difficulty setting can be pretty ridiculous too. Sometimes all I can do is grit my teeth in frustration as I die an ignoble death. But I won’t complain. Even when it’s dangerous and painful, I love life. This is all an opportunity; I’ll do my best, no matter what kind of sadistic fate the System throws at me. I will swing the warhammer of justice! Craft and enhance the most amazing artifacts! Overwhelm opponents with a barrage of auto-casting spells! Lead powerful vassals in Domain wars! All for the sake of creating an eternal sanctuary. With my unique power of Runecrafting, maybe I’ll even become strong enough one day to overturn fate… or at least find out what the hell is really going on. It might take a few hundred or a thousand lifetimes, but what’s the rush? I have all the time in the world now. (Note: R15+ This is the work of a very inexperienced author with a full time job. Please expect an erratic release schedule.)
8 104 - In Serial17 Chapters
Soldier First
Soldier First will be shifting to a monthly update schedule while I work out some kinks in the plot. BRS Limited is looking for answers after the genius programmer behind a radical new biotechnology goes on the run with their intellectual property. After an awkward period of amnesia during a mission in Africa, Butcher is looking for answers of his own. So he reluctantly agrees to let the enigmatic company use him as a test subject while he tracks down the mind behind the technology. Butcher doesn't really understand this talk of "stats", "skills" and "classes", though, and the deeper her digs, the stranger things become. Because even as Butcher changes, he realizes that the world around him is also changing in ways that only he can see, but which could have terrifying consequences for the whole planet. This story is a work in progress and subject to frequent revisions.
8 135 - In Serial18 Chapters
Death's Son Desire
Esried, a young man hunted by those in power, struggling to find his place in the world. A world filled with knights, elves, magic, and more. Will he survive the reality that is life? Or will he succumb to its woes and become the evil that hunts him.
8 242 - In Serial41 Chapters
Hellish: Misfit Misadventures
Princess Callisto "Callie" has never been able to live up to her mother's impossibly high standards. She constantly clashes with the ideals thrust upon her, and her own personal identity. Tomas, a failed demon hunter, seeks redemption from the Guild by capturing a live demon - and bringing it to the Queen herself. Chaos ensues when Tomas kidnaps Callie instead. It's all a misunderstanding...right? Join these two on a wild adventure, seeking knowledge, peace, and finding true friendship.
8 167 - In Serial20 Chapters
Returning Darkness(Trollhunters 2016 Fanfic)✔
Ladar awakens. her body very much changed to look like her father. Learning that her Twin brother Bular is, but dead. Still she will try and bring her father from the dark lands and get revenge on the troll who killed her brother and herself. wanting the sweet revenge to last as long as she has slept. But what she doesn't know is that her father is in the troll markets planing to bring the eternal night.Ladar belongs to me.All Trollhunter characters belong to Del Toro.
8 150 - In Serial19 Chapters
I Just Want to Live a Peaceful Life!
Some people do their best in their second life, others become heroes after getting isekai'd. A handful of people go off to do great things after reincarnating in another world. Arthur just wants to work the safest job possible in his new, fantasy world. Sure, there's the threat of a Demon Lord ravaging the world with his giant armies, but there's already other people that's been reincarnated before him. Why use your overpowered ability to risk your life for a kingdom you barely know when you're living off minimum wage in a fantasy world?
8 165

