Dad was coming home today, and that spiteful part of me didn't want to be anywhere near when he did. It wasn't a part I was proud of, or tried to linger on, but I couldn't shove it down no matter how hard I tried.

He always said family never left, but he did. Coming home every other month for a week or two barely made up for the absence. But I had Luce at least, and Tate. When they were with me I didn't notice being alone too much. I sighed and shook my head, my bag clutched tightly to my shoulder.

It wasn't his fault, not really. My dad, Parker Summers, was one important guy. He owned more than a handful of companies, ran multiple businesses, and even had relations overseas. The people that worked for him feared him. Even though it was more of a loyalty kind-of-fear than terror, and I'm sure that being the size of a grizzly bear helped too.

Dad never had time to come home, never left enough time for his family. Some part of me knew the real reason why, knew that it was the guilt eating away at him. He thought it was his fault when I was gone, that he should have been able to stop it.

He should have.

I shook the hateful thought away and clutched tightly onto my bag's strap with one hand, a new prescription bottle in the other. I glanced down at the white label, its black letters almost taunting as I ran my thumb over the words.

Rex would probably be furious if he knew I picked up a new bottle, but that wouldn't be anything new from him. I had taken one this morning, just one, because I knew I would need something. I wasn't going to school, I wouldn't have anything to distract me from those dangerous thoughts running through my head.

One pill would be okay.

I shoved the small container into the front zipper of my backpack before turning my gaze on the passing scenery. Rex said he's seen people's brains turn to mush from the stuff, but my therapist hadn't mentioned anything like that.

I hated that office more than anything. It was quiet, dark sometimes, and held an impossible, immovable, adult staring down their nose the entire time. They loved reminding me of just how broken I was.

I let my eyes wander to the trees and mountains zipping past the window as they slowly turned to crowded streets and open shorelines. It was Wednesday, and I should have been in school, especially with how much I had been skipping lately. I felt bad too, I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, not even the Big Four.

I did send a text to Rex though, which threw my heart into overdrive. It was a simple message just saying that I wasn't feeling good and was just going to stay home. I didn't want to assume he was going to come pick me up like he did yesterday morning, but I just wanted to make sure.

He sent back a one-letter reply: 'K'.

I stared down at the text, the phone shaking in my hands as the public bus I had been on for the last thirty-minutes hit a nasty pot-hole. It wasn't a lengthy reply, and I wasn't honestly expecting one, but some part of me had really hoped he would text back more than one letter. Maybe ask if I was okay or if I needed anything. But then I realized that was selfish and my self-hatred only grew.

He was a busy guy, he had more to handle than some annoying, stressed-out girl all the time. After that hug yesterday, we showed up to third period very late, received more than one questioning look, and still went our separate ways. I sat in my usual desk, and he sat in his. We didn't really talk for the rest of the day, and Rex had Trey take me home.

I didn't understand him anymore than I understood Calculus.

I needed today. I hadn't been to the beach in months and I desperately missed the water. Nothing cleared my head, and heart, more than swimming in the ocean. No amount of Netflix binging and ice cream could compete.

I woke up early, like four in the morning early, just so I wouldn't run into Luce or Tate. They would be furious when I got home, but that was okay. I was used to it by now. She never liked it when I went alone, but going with anyone else ruined the entire purpose. Besides, I doubted it would even really matter if I never came back.

Even though it was mid-October, there were still quite a few people visiting Cape Cod, but they didn't know what I did-that I had my own little secret beach just a little way further up the coast. The only downside was that you had to hike over a rocky cliff to get there, and there were no life guards. I was a good swimmer though, better than any lifeguard I had ever met. The ocean was my haven.

As soon as the bus dropped me off I turned on my heels and headed straight for the cliffs. I had walked that path so many times I didn't even need to think about it for my feet to take me there.

Another hour later I was dropping the now ridiculously heavy duffle bag onto the ground. I put my hands on my hips and inhaled deeply. That hike always got me, especially if I hadn't done it in a while.

It was ten in the morning, and I loved the coolness of the soft, grainy sand slipping between my bare toes. A smile pulled at my lips as the sun washed gently over my face. This was my place.

I quickly slipped out of my clothes and stood in front of the ocean in only my swimsuit. It was a one piece, made specifically for intense swimming, and a birthday present from dad the year before.

I suddenly felt bad for not being there when he got home, for not taking his calls, but I quickly pushed that guilt away. No bad things here. This was my place. I didn't even feel the cold bite of the water as I ran into.

Nothing could get me here.

It was late in the afternoon by the time I finally got home, and the Uber driver took what was left of the money I had brought with me. I didn't want to ride the bus back, as soon as night fell those things got dangerous. Or, at least, that's what Luce always told me.

I stood at the edge of my driveway as the Uber drove away, taking the chatty driver with it-and I thought I talked a lot. My limbs were sore from swimming, my hair a mat of wet, salty, yuck, and I was tired. I hadn't swum that hard in a while, it took more out of me than I thought. I just wanted to take a hot shower and go directly to bed.

There was a nice, silver, Audi rental car sitting in front of the garage, and my heart dropped at the sight of it. He wouldn't have drove a rental home if he was staying. I let out a shaky sigh and closed my eyes.

I decided on the way back that I wouldn't let that bother me. I hadn't seen him in months, the least I could do was be happy he was home-no matter how short the stay would be.

I walked slowly up the front lawn, no moon in sight to light my way, though the porch light seemed to scream with the fury of the people waiting for me inside. There was no doubt in my mind that I was in deep trouble.

They were all sitting in the living room when I walked in, Luce and Tate sharing equally furious expressions. I couldn't look them in the eye as I closed the door slowly behind me. "I'm home." I stated lamely as I dropped my bag to my feet. My wet swimsuit and empty water bottles zipped safely inside.

I was expecting my father to be as angry as Luce, more so even, but the look in his eyes when he stood to his massive grizzly bear height was warm. Luce used to always say I got my size from mom, and that our short, tiny, pixie-like bodies only made us that much more huggable. I would always smile at that-then it would disappear when she wasn't looking.

Dad and I shared the same green eyes though and, if I was being truthful, the hair. I always thought it was funny seeing a full-grown, body like the hulk's, man with strawberry-blonde hair. It dulled down that fearsome look he usually wore on his face, one that was replaced by a soft smile right now.

"Missed you, kiddo." His voice was as gruff as a bear too, but unlike everyone else in the world, it didn't scare me. I was shocked when his boulder-like arms wrapped around me and lifted me straight into the air. I was definitely expecting some hard screaming, not this.

"Missed y-you too." I gasped against his chest as he squeezed all the breath from my lungs. "C-Can't breathe." His gruff voice let out a small chuckle as he set me back down on my feet, an amused twinkle flashing in his dark green eyes.

"Your sister is awfully mad at you, you know." He whispered-yelled at me, like he was trying to not be sneaky about it at all.

"Yeah, I know. But can we talk about it tomorrow? I really need to take a shower, and I'm tired." I spoke softly as I stepped away from him, the amused glint slowly leaving his eyes. He tilted his head to the side in concern.

"Of course, sweetie." He gave me a soft smile, one I returned before turning for the stairs. "And we will be talking about today, Rose, and last week." He called after me as I hurried up the steps. I shot him another small smile before hurrying into my room.

I didn't want to face anything tonight, especially Luce's wrath. I could always handle dad's, usually because he never could genuinely scold me, but my sister was a completely different subject.

I grabbed some pajamas and underwear before hurrying into my adjoining bathroom. A shower sounded like the most blissful thing in the world. The water was hot and relaxing as I scrubbed the salt and sand from my body. The swim had been just what I needed, but I wasn't sure if it made anything better.

Trey had been the only one of the Big Four to check on me the entire day, every other text and missed call had been from Luce and Tate. I ignored those. Rex hadn't contacted me once, and that tore at my heart-even if I did lie about being sick. That dark part of me just wanted to know if he was worried.

What kind of horrible person hoped someone would worry about them?

I climbed tiredly into my bed, my muscles sore and my eyelids heavy. The swim had helped clear my mind but lying in my room now only brought back all the bad thoughts from before. I let out a haggard sigh, closed my eyes and rolled onto my side, a pillow clutched tightly to my chest.

Insomnia was a given in my life, it came with the stress and the panic. I could never sleep, not for longer than three hours at least. And now, with only one pill helping dull the stress, I doubted I would even get that small amount. I buried my face in the pillow and tried to choke down the tight knot in my throat.

What was wrong with me?

I knew there weren't real monsters in the shadows of my room, but I couldn't help but feel like a thousand red eyes were always watching me, waiting for me to fall asleep just so they could kill me.

'Creak!'

My breath froze in my lungs as the familiar creak of my window opening sounded in my ears. My heart pounded rapidly in my chest, and my fingers curled like iron around the pillow. What in the world was pushing my window open?

I was a second away from jerking up and screaming my ever-living lungs out, when a heavy 'thump!' rang throughout the room, and a beyond familiar voice whisper-hissed, "Mother fucker!"

"Rex?"

I sat up so fast it made my vision go hazy, but the fuzzy-sight disappeared as soon as I saw that familiar large body of the Big Four's leader sprawled out on my floor.

"What the fuck is in front of your window?" He growled as he climbed slowly to his feet, his hands brushing off his jeans as he did.

"A bench." I stammered, my eyes wider than I ever thought imaginable as I blinked over at him. This was not real. I must have actually fallen asleep and was dreaming.

"Figures you would have a fucking window-bench." He grumbled under his breath, and I could just barely make out his heavy hand reaching up to run through that dark hair in the blackness of the room.

"I'm dreaming." I stammered out loud, my fingers gripping tightly onto my covers as he stood a few feet from my bed, hard hands on his hips. He let out a dark chuckle, one that held no humor.

"You're not that lucky, sweetheart."

Despite the tremor my heart gave at the endearing name, there was no joy in what I could see in his eyes, or anything sweet at all really. He actually looked kind of... distant. Which wasn't new for him, but I had a sickening feeling I was the reason why. It sent an uneasy chill down my spine.

"Why are you here?" I stammered softly as my wide eyes watched him walk slowly to the door and carefully peak his head out into the hall.

He didn't answer at first, just closed the door again and clicked the lock. My heart hammered in my chest. There was something about being locked in a room with Rex Turner that made every part of me ignite. I could literally feel heat crawl up my neck and stain my cheeks.

"I came over earlier." He started quietly, his voice holding an edge to it that didn't sit will in my stomach. I could just make out his dark silhouette in the light coming from my window as he paced slowly beside my bed. That heavy hand of his reached up to run almost viciously through his hair.

"Why?"

"To check on you, but you want to know something funny?" That distant tone in his voice took on a hard edge, but I tried to not let that bother me as he stepped closer to my bed.

There were more important things to worry about. Like how the Rex Turner was a few inches from my bed in all his perfect, beautiful everything. It was getting hard to swallow.

Then his words registered in my beyond foggy brain-He came by to check on me? And I had been so upset that he barely even replied to my text... Nice going Rose. Could you be anymore selfish?

"You weren't even here." He continued before I had a chance to respond, and the guilt weighing on my shoulders only grew. But so did the heat surging into my cheeks. It felt like my brain was going to fry.

He came by to check on me. And I wasn't even sick.

"I-"

"And then that fuck-head moron and your sister are freaking out because you're not home, like at all, and they were bitching about how you went to some fucking beach by yourself. And then your dad came home, and it made everything tens time more fucking annoying."

He wasn't distant anymore, oh no, he was angry-and getting more so with each passing second. I wasn't sure what the tight feeling in my chest was for anymore. Either because he was in my room, or because he seemed like was actually upset about me being gone, or that he was angry at me. I felt like a horrible person.

"But, oh no, don't worry, because she used to do this all the time when she was younger! Just runs off to the fucking ocean all alone when-"

I don't know what part of me thought it was a good idea, and I honestly don't even remember moving, but one minute I was sitting with wide eyes on the edge of my bed, clutching my pillow to my chest, and the next I had sprung to my feet and wound my arms so tight around his waist I was sure it probably hurt.

His angry tirade came to an abrupt halt and his whole body immediately turned into a stiff statue as I squeezed my arms tightly around him and pressed my face into his warm chest. Why did he even smell so perfect...?

His arms were raised awkwardly above mine, unsure of what to do, and I refused to let the tension strumming through him deter me from this hug. He did say hugs helped reduce stress, maybe it would help anger too.

Maybe I just really wanted to hug him again.

"I'm sorry." I finally mumbled against him after one tense, silent moment between us, his arms still lifted awkwardly away from me. "I didn't mean to upset anyone, especially you..." My cheeks heated further than they already were at that last part, but I couldn't see his face, so I thought it was fine to admit that little bit.

He didn't say anything, didn't even move, but he also didn't push me away. "I-I just really like to swim, and I go there sometimes when I need to think and I-"

"You could have gotten hurt." He grumbled as my words started to leave my lips in a babble of inconsistency. My heart jumped at the tone, at what I could only describe as worry. Rex Turner seemed worried about me...

I shook my head and pulled slowly away from him. He hadn't pushed me away, but he wasn't hugging me back either, and I wasn't dumb enough to realize that meant my touch was unwanted.

"I used to swim there all the time by myself. Nothing ever happened. I'm a really good swimmer."

My arms fell to my sides, that heat still raging throughout my entire being, and my eyes dropped to the floor. I couldn't look at the dark chestnut glaring down at me. "That doesn't matter." Rex finally sighed, his body relaxing once again as that strong hand reached up to run through his dark hair.

"There's riptides, and sharks, and currents, and strange fuckers and... and just..." He scrubbed his hand down his face, then pinched the bridge of his nose as those dark eyes closed.

"And god, you just love getting yourself into trouble."

He turned away from me and went to sit down on the bench he tripped over only minutes before, a hard breath leaving his lips. I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, feeling uncomfortable in my pajamas, but he wasn't paying any attention to me.

"I know, I'm sorry. I promise I'm working on it. I don't try to-"

"Just stop." He all but growled and waved his hand at me. "I know, okay? I know you don't mean to do anything. It's just you. It just follows you around." Then he laughed, not an all-together humor-filled one, but it was nice nonetheless. "I'm the perfect fucking example of that." He grumbled under his breath, his eyes pointed towards the ground.

My own gaze snapped to him, my lips pulling into a frown. "You're not trouble, Rex. You're the one always getting me out of it..." I edged closer towards him, but not by much. I didn't want him to think I was going to hug him again.

"You have no fucking idea."

I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room as I watched him sink his beautiful head into his hands and let out a hard sigh. "I'm not... I can't..." He started uncertainly before he raised his head enough to cast those dark eyes at me.

"I'm not good for you, Rose."

My heart pounded behind my rib-cage, my breath catching in my throat, because despite the message in his words, his eyes were staring at me in such a way it made that heat in my body rage. My legs forced me closer to him on their own accord, and they didn't stop until I was barely a few inches away.

"But I can't stay away from you."