"Okay he's here" I breathe out, collecting the rest of my things into my purse.

"Didn't come to the door I see" Eden mumbles under her breath.

I send her a glare and in return she raises her eyebrows. "Eden, you told me to go on this date"

"I know but that doesn't take away from the fact that he's a douche" She responds.

I sigh as I take one final look in the mirror. I say goodbye to the girls and to Berlioz and head out the door and down to the front of my dorm building.

"Hey" Gunnar smirks as he takes in my outfit. Usually if Timmy did this I would have butterflies but now I just want to puke. "Ready?" He asks.

I smile and nod as we begin our walk down the street. My eyes stay focused on my shoes as we walk, the silence becomes ultimately very loud.

I listen to the passing strangers conversations as my mind wonders to Timothée. He's back in New York after being in LA for a bit. In a weird way I feel safer now that I know he's back in the city.

As we walk, we pass Timmy's apartment building and it takes everything in my body to not run into the building and up to his apartment. I smile at the doorman and he returns the gesture, letting me know that he still remembers me.

After only a few more minutes of walking we arrive at a club. I can hear the music as well as smell the stingy alcohol from outside.

We wait in a short line and once we enter Gunnar informs me that he's going to get us drinks with his fake ID since we're both underage.

He returns shortly and hands me a fruity looking drink, as he tries to spark up small talk. I slowly sip on my drink while Gunnar downs one after another.

After only an hour Gunnar seems to be very drunk. "Do you want to go back to my place?" He slurs over the music.

Say no

"Sure" I force a smile as I follow him to the exit.

Fuck

The walk back to Gunnar's apartment was short but slightly elongated because of his drunken state.

Once we enter his apartment his mouth instantly finds mine as I force my eyes shut and move my lips with his. He slowly kisses down my neck as he leads us to his room.

When we reach his bed he crawls on top of me and begins unbuttoning my blouse. When my blouse and his shirt are discarded, he slips my jeans down my legs as well as his pants along with his underwear.

He rolls on a condom as I try to take deep breaths to calm my mind but my breaths are interrupted by my underwear being pulled down to my ankles.

You can do this Adeline

You need to move on

Timmy doesn't want you

Move on

Gunnar slowly slides into me as my breath catches in my throat. He begins thrusting at a rapid pace, not hitting any of my good spots. After only a few short minutes he throws his head back in pleasure and lets out a throaty moan, indicating that he's finished.

He lays down beside me again, still trying to catch his breath. "It's been a while" he breathes out.

I can tell.

I try to swallow my tears as I stare at the wall in front of me. "I have a study group tomorrow I should get going" I manage to speak without my voice quivering.

I quickly get dressed and collect my things and see my way out, considering Gunnar was still lying naked in his bed I assumed he didn't want to walk me out.

Once I exit his apartment my tears instantly become uncontrollable. I quickly get into the elevator as I try and control my breathing, but fail.

I feel dirty and disgusting

Once I'm out of his apartment building I keep my head down as I walk, barely being able to see where I'm going through my tears.

After a few short minutes of walking I make it to my destination. I keep my head down as I walk through the building and up to the elevator.

Despite every voice in my head telling me to leave, I exit the elevator and try to control my sobs as I walk down the hall. Once I reach the door I hesitantly knock and wait for a response.

The second he pulls open the doors and I see his face I completely break down. Without any question of why I'm here he pulls me into his tight embrace, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

"You're okay" he cooes as he gently rubs my back.

"I hate myself Timmy" I sob into his chest.

"You don't mean that" he says softly, still trying to calm me down.

"I do mean it. I'm gross and cheap" I choke out as I pull away from him.

He looks down at my tear stained as his expressions softens. "Come inside" he offers his hand to me. I place my hand in his, feeling the familiar spark that I missed so much.

He leads me to the couch and we both sit down, facing each other. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" He asks.

I nod as I try to catch my breath. "I reconnected with a guy named Gunnar, who I used to be friends with" I begin and Timothée's expression immediately turns cold.

"What did he do? Did he hurt you? Did he force you to do anything? I swear to god I'll-"

"No" I cut him off, shaking my head. "He didn't do anything bad I'm just so stupid and agreed to get drinks with him and he got really drunk and we went back to his house and we had sex but I didn't want to but he didn't force me, I just couldn't say no. It's my fault for being so stupid"I blurt out all at once, feeling more tears sting my cheek.

"You're not stupid Adeline and it's definitely not your fault" he argues. "He should've asked if what he was doing was okay"

"No I am stupid" I snap back. "And I feel dirty. I feel so fucking dirty" my voice breaks as I speak.

I put my head in my hands as I try to control my emotions for what seems like the hundredth time tonight. Timmy wraps his arms around my shaking body and places a kiss on my head. "Let's get you in the shower and then maybe order some dinner?" He suggests, his words muffled against my head.

"Yea okay" I whisper, pulling out of the embrace.

Timmy stands up and offers me a hand to help me up. I follow him into his room as he grabs one of his sweatshirts and a pair of boxers and rests it on the bathroom counter along with a towel.

"I can order from that Chinese place on the corner that you like" he suggests as he walks out of the bathroom and joins me sitting on his bed.

"That sounds good, thank you" I speak softly looking up into his eyes.

He smiles down at me but I can tell that it's forced. I study his features that I was once used to seeing. It feels like I'm seeing him for the first time again.

I gently take my hand and cup his face, my eyes never leaving his. My thumb slowly rubs his cheek as he leans into my touch.

I study his eyes one last time before standing up and making my way into his bathroom.

I strip my clothes off and let the hot water wash over my body. I quickly wash and condition my hair as well as excessively scrub my body to try and remove the feeling of Gunnar's hands roaming my figure.

After I stand a bit longer in the shower, I shut the water off and step out into the steamy bathroom.

I dry my body off and put on his large sweatshirt and boxers. I brush through my tangled hair with a brush he had left on the counter and scrub off the remaining makeup on my face with a wash cloth.

When I exit the bathroom and walk into the kitchen I see Timothée placing our food onto plates. I sit down on the couch as Timmy hands me my plate and then sits beside me.

By the time he's done eating I'm still poking at the food on the plate. "I thought I was hungry but now I don't think I am" my voice quivers out.

He looks at me with sad eyes as he nods. "That's okay, I'll put it in the fridge, just incase you get hungry later"

"Thank you" I sigh as he takes my plate.

I quietly make my way back into his room and slip my body under the covers of his overly comfortable bed.

"I'm just going to shower quickly and then I'll go sleep in the guest room" Timmy tells me as he enters his room. He pulls out a sweatshirt and sweatpants and starts walking towards his bathroom.

"Wait no" my words stop him in his tracks. "Can you sleep with me" I ask hesitantly.

"Of course" he smiles genuinely this time.

He enters the bathroom and I turn on my side, letting my heavy eyes shut. After a few minutes I hear the water shut off and the bathroom door open.

I hear him switch the bedroom lights off and slowly crawl into bed behind me. He slowly snakes his arms around my waist as I nestle into his arms.

I feel at home.

😍

❤️