《You Enlighten My World ( Taekook ff )》Part 80

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It's been ten days since Jungkook came back from Singapore. Ten days since a violent storm had hit the lives of the once happy couple. One of them had thought that he lost his love forever while the other was on verge of losing his love.

It's been ten days since Tae had gone through the heart wrenching experience of losing Jungkook, his love, his husband. Though he didn't really lose Jungkook, Jungkook did come back to him, Tae lost himself in the emotional turmoil that he had been through.

It's been ten days since Jungkook came back home with the hope that he will meet a happy, smiling Tae. But what he encountered back at home, was worse than his biggest nightmare. He found his love in a total heartbroken state. The once lively boy whose eyes spoke volumes, Jungkook had found the same boy looking lifeless, staring at the moon with blank eyes. Jungkook, though he didn't die in the plane crash, he indeed was on the verge of losing his life that day. Because he was on the verge of losing Tae and it's an open secret that Tae is Jungkook's life, he would rather die himself than losing Tae.

Though the couple had to go through immense pain that day, God did show some mercy on them, he didn't take them away from each other. The couple had returned into each other's arms. But the question is, did everything else return to normal?

Well sadly the answer is no. Hardly anything had returned to normal or should I say Tae had returned to normal state.

It's been nine days since Jungkook had brought Tae back to their home from hospital. In these nine days there are hardly any changes in Tae's condition. He still doesn't let Jungkook out of sight even for a moment except for the times when one of them had to use the washroom, even then in every two minutes Tae would keep calling Jungkook's name to make sure that he was there.

"Kookie, are you there?" That's what the boy would ask and Jungkook would answer him saying "yes baby I am here only."

All the other times Tae would stay glued to Jungkook. Everytime Jungkook would go to the kitchen to cook, Tae would follow him there. For the first two days Tae sat at the dining table and kept staring at Jungkook while the latter cooked. But then something happened on the third day.

While chopping veggies for making dinner Jungkook had accidentally dropped the knife on the floor. He had bent down behind the counter and knelt on the floor to search for it. It took just two minutes for him to find the damned knief but the damage was already done. By the time he had picked the knief up from the floor, he heard Tae shouting and crying for him.

"Kookie, no please don't disappear, please come back, kookieee"

Jungkook hurriedly got up from his kneeling position and looked at the dining table only to see Tae crying frantically as the boy kept pleading with him to come back. Jungkook's heart broke once more as he saw love in that pitiful state.

Tae had seen Jungkook disappearing behind the counter, but when the older boy didn't come out of there for more than a minute, Tae's fear of Jungkook suddenly disappearing once again resurfaced. All the memories of that cursed day came back to him and he started crying and shouting for Jungkook.

It had taken more than an hour for Jungkook to finally calm the crying boy down, that too after many reassuring words and lots of kisses. That night Tae had fallen asleep without having a morsel of food and Jungkook too had starved himself.

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After that day Tae always sat on the kitchen counter while Jungkook cooked so that he wouldn't lose sight of Jungkook even for a moment.

The only improvement that had happened so far in Tae's condition, is that he has stopped having nightmares. For the first three days every night the boy had woken up from his sleep, shouting, crying, drenched in sweat. But that eventually stopped or more like Jungkook had made that stop.

Jungkook had noticed that Tae used to wake up at the same time every night, it's like his nightmares had an exact time of appearing. So on the fourth night he had forced himself to stay awake and as he had seen the first crease appear on Tae's forehead, indicating the start of his nightmare, Jungkook woke Tae up by shaking him gently.

"Tae baby, wake up, open your eyes, see I am here" he called Tae.

As Tae finally woke up before his dream can take the form of a nightmare,

"Kookie, you are home" that's what he said.

"Yes baby I am home" Jungkook told Tae and started kissing him gently, to stop him from thinking about the past. This seemed to work as once they broke the kiss and Jungkook pulled Tae to his chest and patted him gently to make him sleep, Tae didn't wake up again that night. He had slept peacefully without any nightmare for the first time in four days. And from then on Jungkook did the same thing every night.

Eventually Jungkook's efforts seem to be paying off, because on the eighth night, as Jungkook observed Tae, the crease didn't appear on the younger's forehead, indicating that he wasn't having any dream that night. That night Jungkook hadn't woken up Tae like previous nights and to his great relief Tae himself too didn't wake up for the rest of the night.

And that's how Jungkook was able to make Tae free from his recurring nightmares.

But as I said earlier that was the only improvement that happened in all these days. Except that Tae's condition is pretty much the same.

Almost everyday someone or other visits the couple, mostly Jin and Jimin.Both Tae's Eomma and best friend would try to visit and spend as much time as they can with him. Sometimes Namjoon would join Jin. Jimin would tell his best friend the happenings of their school, telling him all the funny things that happened in his absence. Tae would listen to those stories with a longing look on his face. Jungkook could understand that he wants to go back to school but everytime Jungkook would try to talk to him about it, Tae would again start panicking and crying saying he won't leave Jungkook, that if he goes to school Jungkook will be gone. So eventually Jungkook gave up on the idea of making him agree to go to school.

Jungkook's best friends and Soomin also visited whenever they got time. Sometimes Soomin would visit with Jimin, both the siblings would try to make Tae smile by their antics and fake fights. And they would be successful too, for Tae would not only smile but also laugh at times but only if Jungkook would be there, sitting with him. The moment Jungkook would try to leave him alone with them, he would be back to square one, the same panicking and crying would happen.

Not only them but Jin's mother also visited them once. She somehow found out what had happened to her grandson and demanded to visit him. Jin and Namjoon took her to Jungkook and Tae's place. They were rather apprehensive about her visit, knowing her attitude towards Jungkook. They didn't want her to say or do anything that would trigger Tae. Even Jungkook too was scared when he heard that Mrs Kim is going to visit Tae. He doesn't care what she thinks about him or she says to him but he was afraid if she would say anything to him in front of Tae like she did in the past and Tae would lose control like always.

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But to everyone's great relief Mrs Kim didn't say anything to Jungkook, she rather acted like he wasn't even present in that room and Jungkook was really thankful about it. It's alright if she didn't acknowledge his presence, he was both happy and relieved that she didn't do anything that could have irked and triggered Tae. He really thought that she would blame him for whatever had happened but surprisingly enough she did nothing like that.

If only Jungkook had any idea how much she actually blamed him for Tae's condition, it's just that she unlike other times didn't do it on his face. She did it in front of her son and son-in-law after she was back from visiting Tae. She had even blamed Namjoon too for getting Tae married to Jungkook and ruining his life. And for the first time in his life Kim Seokjin had raised his voice on his mother, telling her that she had no right to blame his husband or his son-in-law when she herself once wanted her son dead even before he was born, resulting of Mrs Kim Seokja leaving Kim Mansion in anger, saying that she would never set her foot in that house again.

Just as Jin has suspected, deep down Jungkook was breaking a little with every passing day. Seeing his love, his Tae suffering like that, it's breaking him and what made it worse that he doesn't know what to do to help his Angel. He felt utterly hopeless and helpless seeing Tae suffering so much. Without anyone's knowledge, in his heart he has continued to blame himself for his Angel's condition. Everytime he sees Tae crying and calling for himself, asking him, pleading him not to leave him, guilt hits his heart like a stone with sharp edges, making his heart bleed. There were times when he wanted to cry, wanted to wail because of the amount of pain his heart feels, but he somehow pulls himself together, telling himself that he needs to stay strong for his baby, that he just can't break down yet. But holding himself together, day by day it's becoming harder to do that.

Jungkook had taken twenty days off from office. When he had applied for the leave, he hoped and thought that there would be improvement in Tae's condition in these twenty days, that he will be able to bring his old Tae back in those days, if not completely then at least to a certain extent. But now that nine days of those twenty has passed with almost no change in Tae, Jungkook is starting to get scared that what if he won't be able to bring Tae back to normal? The thought that his love will spend the rest of his life with constant fear and agony, dreads Jungkook.

It's the tenth day after Tae came back home from hospital. Currently Tae is sitting in his room, studying, sitting at the study table. Jungkook is also sitting beside him. Tae was holding the Hem of Jungkook's t-shirt with one hand and using the other to turn the pages of the book he was reading.

Earlier that day, after they were done with their lunch, Tae had told Jungkook that he's feeling bored. Well obviously anyone would feel bored after staying cooped up in the same place for ten days. Though time and again Jungkook had offered to take him out, Tae always rejected his offer and was too reluctant to leave their home.

Today when Tae said he was feeling bored Jungkook had asked him what he wanted to do and the boy told him that he wants to study. He is supposed to have his university entrance test in the next month and he wants to be prepared for it.

Though Tae is staring at the book in front of him, he is hardly reading it. The boy is rather lost in his thoughts.

Tae has started to feel helpless, irritated with himself, irritated at how he has become. He doesn't want to be like this, scared, trapped in his own fears and insecurities. He wants to become normal, he wants to become how he was before that cursed day. He knows everyone is worried for him, especially Jungkook. Tae wants to become the old Tae. He wants to move on from that day, more than anyone else he wants to do it for Jungkook, for the love of his life.

He has noticed how Jungkook has become these days, he is always worried, there is a permanent frown etched on his forehead. Tae has also noticed how the older boy has become thinner. After Jungkook had fallen ill on his birthday, Tae always made sure that he was well taken care of, that he would take his meals on time and wouldn't overwork. But now that Tae is lost in his own misery Jungkook seems to be doing the exact same thing. Tae knows there are times when the older skips his meals just to stay with him, to comfort him. Tae has seen the bags under his eyes and he very well knows what caused them. He is aware that Jungkook stays awake every night just to make sure that he wouldn't have nightmares, that he would sleep peacefully. The once organized Jungkook nowadays hardly even cares for what he was wearing. In all these months of their marriage Tae has never seen him stay so unkempt.

Tae wants to take care of Jungkook like he always did, but he isn't able to do that because he is trapped in his own fears and insecurities. He wants to ask Jungkook to stop worrying about himself. But he knows it's of no use because no matter what he says Jungkook will continue to be worried for him. Tae knows if he really wants Jungkook to stop worrying about him, he needs to become the old Tae. And he wants to do that and trust me he is trying to but try he might, his fears refuse to leave him. And it's making him frustrated. He is getting angry at himself for being so helpless.

Jungkook had actually felt happy when Tae told him that he wanted to study for his upcoming exam. Because that means Tae is willing to move on, that he wants to get back to his old life. But his happiness was rather short lived because Tae seems to be losing himself once again in his miserable thoughts. Jungkook noticed that though Tae is staring at the book in front of him, he is hardly reading. The boy seems to be lost in some thoughts as he kept chewing on his lower lip. Jungkook sighed and decided to intervene before Tae would lose himself in his dark thoughts.

Tae was still lost in his thoughts when he felt a touch on his lips. He found Jungkook's thumb on his lower lip. Jungkook gently pried his lip from between his teeth and rubbed it.

"Don't bite it like that, it will start bleeding," Jungkook said to Tae and placed his lips on Tae's, gently kissing his bruised lip.

Jungkook broke the kiss and held Tae's hand in his "come with me" he said and stood up from the chair he was sitting on.

"Where?" Tae asked as he too stood up.

"To get fresh air" came the answer.

"I don't want to go out" was the immediate reply from Tae.

"We are not going out baby" Jungkook informed him.

"Then where are we going?" Tae asked, puzzled that if not outside then where will they go to get fresh air.

"You will see" Jungkook started walking out of the room, taking Tae with him.

Jungkook took Tae to the balcony attached to his room. The balcony was quite spacious, it had railings around it and is decorated with some little potted trees. At one corner of it a small coffee table with two chairs was placed. The whole place has a cozy vibe.

Jungkook took Tae with him to the empty side of the balcony. He sat leaning on the railing and made Tae sit between his thighs.

Tae was sitting with his back touching Jungkook's chest while Jungkook had his hands wrapped around Tae's waist and his chin rested on the younger's shoulder. The couple sat there and enjoyed the warmth of the afternoon sun of winter.

"Kookie.." Tae called.

"Hmm" Jungkook hummed in reply.

"I want to hear your voice," Tae said.

"Hear my voice?" Jungkook asked, puzzled at what Tae meant by that.

Tae turned his head and faced Jungkook "I want to listen to your voice, will you please sing for me?" He asked Jungkook.

"You don't have to say please for it baby, I will sing for you, only for you my love" Jungkook placed a gentle kiss on Tae's lips and then he started singing while Tae buried his face in Jungkook's neck, inhaling his unique smell and enjoying his angelic voice.

It’s a beautiful life

I will stay by your side

It’s a beautiful life

I will stand right behind you

Beautiful love

If I am with you under this sky

Just breathing alone makes me happy

It’s a beautiful life

Beautiful day

I live in your memories

Beautiful life

beautiful day

Stay by my side

Beautiful my love Beautiful your heart

It’s a beautiful life

It’s a beautiful life

It’s a beautiful life

I will always protect you

It’s a beautiful life

So lean on me

Beautiful love

Your tears, your smile

So we can be together

It’s a beautiful life

Beautiful day

I loved you like crazy

Beautiful life

beautiful day

I don’t wanna lose you

Beautiful my love

Beautiful your heart

It’s a beautiful life

Memories that resemble you

Remain with me

Your memories, your recollections

It’s a sorrowful life

Sorrowful day

I can’t win over sadness

Sorrowful life sorrowful day

So don’t leave me

So I won’t live just in your memories

It’s a beautiful life...

While Tae was lost in the angelic voice of his husband, he felt something wet on his shoulders. A drop fell, the another, soon another followed eventually Tae lost count of how many drops fell on his shoulder as his shirt got wet in what seemed like someone's no actually Jungkook's tears. As the realization hit him that those are Jungkook's tears, Tae heard it, a sniff and then a sob.

Tae jolted out of his lost state and pulled his head from Jungkook's neck. He looked up at Jungkook's face and the sight broke his heart.

Jungkook's whole face was drenched in tears, still countless tears leaving his eyes. Tae felt like someone was stabbing his heart with a sharp knife as he gazed at Jungkook's tear stained face. As he stared deeply into those tear filled eyes of his love, Tae could see an array of emotions in them, there was pain, anguish, agony, heartache, helplessness, sorrow and also another emotion which Tae couldn't put his finger on.

"Kookie..." Tae called in a pained voice, his heart clenching in pain, Jungkook's tears are his undoing, he can never bear to see his Kookie, his love crying "Kookie, you…"

Before Tae could ask him anything, Jungkook threw himself on his love, he buried his face in Tae's shoulder and kept sobbing.

Tae didn't know what to do "Kookie, please, tell me what happened? Why are you crying Kookie? Please Kookie, won't you tell your Angel.." Tae tried to make Jungkook tell him the reason of his crying. But Jungkook didn't say a word, he kept crying and sobbing.

Tae felt like his heart was going to burst with the amount of pain it was feeling hearing Jungkook's painful sobs. But there was still some more left for his heartache, because when finally Jungkook said something, he said,

"I am sorry baby, I am so sorry"

Tears ran down Tae's face as it finally dawned upon him, that the emotion which he saw in Jungkook's eyes but couldn't recognize earlier, it's nothing but guilt. The emotion that he saw in Jungkook's eyes was guilt, something he never wanted to see in those beautiful eyes of his love. And his heart broke into millions of pieces hearing the Jungkook's next words,

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