For some reason, Gwen got it into her head that she couldn't possibly exist in England without a long list of grocery items. When I suggested I could send Ash to get them when he got home, she laid into me about taking advantage of him and how he's not supposed to be employed twenty-four hours a day.

The truth is, I've only grocery shopped a handful of times since I got to England. On the way to the store, I get a little turned around, and when I finally arrive, I wheel the cart down the aisles of the store, my mind mulling over everything Gwen said to me this morning, and the way Ash looked at me in the living room when our gazes connected.

At first, I thought I couldn't read him. But after Gwen's interpretation of how he's been behaving this week, I realized there'd been the briefest glimmer of hurt in his brown eyes before he'd shuttered them. He hasn't hidden his feelings from me in months, and it's painful to think I've somehow let him down because I was too scared to hear this deep well of love might only run through me.

By the time I'm done shopping, I'm emotionally exhausted and frustrated at the layout of this British grocery store. But I've come to understand the points Gwen made were valid. I've been avoiding speaking to either her or Ash all week, and I think it's partly because I've known I'm in the wrong. Broken heart or not, I owe him a conversation, even if I sob my way through it.

Up until now, Ash and I have worked best when we're honest with each other. He tried to be honest with me last week, and it broke something in me. Instead of trying to fix it, I've let my insecurities dominate my thoughts—this notion that I'll never be enough for him. Maybe I won't be, but with five more years on the table at work, I need to ask the questions I've been pretending aren't staring us in the face.

I may not be the one for him, and it'll kill me to hear it, but he deserves my honesty.

In the laneway, Ash's vehicle is still gone, but Diya's little car is flush with the entrance. I wrangle the grocery bags into one hand to open the door. When I burst through, I can't hold in what's been weighing on my mind.

"Gwen! You're right. I need to talk to Ash. I'm being stupid. I can't let my fear of losing him push him away."

Instead of the scamper of little feet or Gwen calling back that of course she's right, Ash appears in the doorway of the living room. He leans against the frame, and he crosses his arms.

"This is an unexpected development. Though I suppose it's better if we're on the same page." He raises his eyebrows. "If I'd had to tie you up to get you to talk to me, I guarantee you'd have enjoyed it. Later, perhaps."

My cheeks heat, and I drop the bags on the floor. He was so angry with me a few hours ago, and now he's flirting with me? Oh, god. That means he also heard what I just said. "Your car isn't here."

"Correct. Thought it best if Diya drove it with Gwen and the kids. Car seats and all."

"It's just us."

"It's just us."

"Oh."

"Don't get cold feet on me now, sweetheart."

The endearment causes my stomach to flip, even though I know it's casual British speak. I get called sweetheart in all sorts of scenarios, and it used to offend me slightly, but it's definitely not offending me tonight.

"I'm sorry about this week," I say before I can lose my nerve.

"Never knew you could ghost someone you live with."

"Gwen assures me it's quite a feat."

"Don't reckon it's something to be proud of," Ash says.

That's a valid point. His attitude coupled with the empty house has thrown me off. I expected to have to dig for the courage to speak to him, not have him confront me in the front foyer.

"A poor joke. I'm a little nervous." The groceries are on the ground. Gwen had me get the most ridiculous things, which was clearly a setup, but some of it will be melting on the floor soon. "I should..." I gesture to the bags.

In one fell swoop, Ash grabs the bags off the floor and takes them to the kitchen. In a matter of seconds, he's back. Must have just shoved the frozen items into the freezer.

There is zero chance of me avoiding this conversation.

"Care to step into my office?" Ash indicates the living room. "Nanny Ash would like a word."

With a deep breath, I squeeze past him into the living room. Pinned to the wall are pieces of Bristol board with scenario one, scenario two, scenario three, and scenario four written on them. The rest of the writing is too small for me to see from where I'm standing, and when I try to go to them, Ash tuts me.

"Have a seat," He points at the couch.

I perch on a cushion and have the distinct feeling I've entered the principal's office or, God forbid, HR.

Ash takes a deep breath, but he's standing in front of me, not sitting. "I'll get to that in a bit." He waves at the boards behind him. "They aren't plans—Gwen told me you'd get too excited if I labeled them plans."

I let out a nervous laugh. "Not plans. Got it."

"Right." He rubs his hands together and shifts on his feet. "I can't do this up here. It's weird."

He comes to the couch, but he leaves a cushion between us, and he turns to face me, one leg bent, and his arm thrown over the back. I mirror his pose, even though I'm not sure where this is going, I'm glad he seems reasonably sure of himself. His calm approach to this conversation is definitely going to help me keep my emotions in check. I won't be bawling at his feet if he confirms that Imogen is the one for him, might even make it to my room.

He rubs his forehead with his fingers, and then he meets my gaze. "Last week, I fucked up. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried to speak to you about Imogen without being clear on where my head was at. It wasn't fair." He searches my face. "No matter what, I never want to hurt you."

I swallow, and I can feel the urge to cry seizing my chest. Turns out, I was wrong. Any way he talks about her makes me want to weep.

"Before you, I never really understood what a proper good relationship could be like. My parents got divorced, and I'd been with Immy since I was fifteen. She was all I knew. What I had with her seemed like what most people wanted. We got on alright, and considering the fights I saw my parents get into, I was happy enough."

Hearing him talk about her is making my stomach queasy. I'm not sure I'm going to make it through this conversation, but I'm trying really hard not to show the riot brewing.

"But then I met you, and it was like..." He makes an expansive gesture with his arms. "All these other layers appeared. Deep. Scary deep, if I'm honest. I'd never experienced that before. I had no idea so much trust and...and...feeling could run between two people. Shocking, actually, that other people can be good with happy enough when what I feel for you exists. This whole other level."

My brain short circuits, and I stare at him, heart thumping. "What you feel for me?" I whisper in disbelief.

He searches my face, and there's a hint of uncertainty in his expression that I don't understand. "Part of me thought you knew, and that's why you've been avoiding me all week."

"That's not why I was avoiding you. The opposite." I can't bring myself to draw attention to the fact I believed he'd go back to Imogen, almost as though saying it out loud will jinx whatever I think he's trying to say now.

He scooches closer to me on the couch, and my heart is running as wild as my thoughts. For the first time, I feel absolutely certain that he'll take care of my heart. That he'll protect it and me. That he won't let me down in the way I've expected for months. This whole time, I've felt like he had one foot out of the relationship, ready to leave, but I'm starting to wonder whether it's been me, and I projected that onto him.

"I love you, Ash. So much it scares me." Tears fill my eyes. "I was just really scared to love you." I can't voice the doubts I had because sitting here and staring into his eyes, they all seem silly and obviously wrong. He doesn't love Imogen; he loves me. And I don't know if he was as scared, as guarded, as I was, but I don't think the way he feels about me has ever radiated off of him as clearly as it is right now.

"You mean everything to me. Absolutely everything. I love you in ways I didn't even know I needed. But you are, you are exactly what I need." He slides his hands into my hair, and then we're kissing.

How much I've missed him is driven home the minute our lips meet. He deepens the kiss, and I groan at how much I want him. We shed our clothes in a rush, and we haven't even left the couch. Not that I care. The whole world could collapse around us, and I'm not sure I'd notice.

"The kids," I gasp as he drags my panties down my legs.

"Not coming home tonight. Staying at Diya's with Gwen. It's just you and me, sweetheart."

I could definitely get used to that term of endearment. He tugs me onto his lap, so I'm straddling him, and as I ease onto him, he searches my face with so much love and tenderness in his expression that it hurts my heart.

"I love you," he says. "Doesn't seem like a big enough word for how much you mean to me."

"I love you too." I kiss him, and then we start to move together in a familiar rhythm that never seems to get old. As though each time, the electrical current that runs between us only gets stronger rather than growing dull.

He trails one of his hands down my spine while the other one is in the back of my hair, constantly drawing me back for another kiss. Nothing ever feels close enough with him, and I'm always striving for more. For the first time, I let myself see that he is too. We're both completely consumed with each other, lost to everything but the feel of our bodies moving in sync.

"Oh," I breathe out. "Oh, God."

"You feel so fucking good," Ash murmurs against my lips. "So. Fucking. Good. I'm gonna make you come. And then I'm going to show you my plans. Then I'm gonna make you come over and over again for the rest of the night."

I throw my head back as I feel the first one building in a rush. He tugs me a little tighter to him, increasing the pressure, and I moan.

"Oh, Ash," I say as I clutch his head, and the first orgasm rockets through me at the same time he increases the pace, chasing his own.

~ *~

Ash has his boxers on, and I'm lying on my stomach on the couch in his shirt. He's pointing at the first Bristol board. "I reckon we've ruled this one out. It was my safety net in case you were like, 'nah, Ash, it was fun, but...' and my love went unrequited."

"We both got it very wrong."

"Indeed." He points at that board. "This plan is you leaving England to take the job you've been offered in Michigan and leaving me completely behind after eleven more weeks of hot sex."

"Boo!" I scrunch up the pillow he got me and rest my cheek on the fabric. "No one likes that plan. Well, actually, the hot sex part is perfectly fine. We can keep that part."

"Exactly." He takes the board down and rips it in half.

"Second plan. Also not a fan of this one. You stay in England longer through some work miracle, but you still don't want me and Chloe in this one."

I get off the coach, and I wander over to the wall. I kiss him before taking it off the wall and ripping it in half. "The other two plans better have you, me, Chloe, and Joey. But I should probably tell you—"

"Let me give you the plans, and then you can tell me whatever you want."

He wraps an arm around my shoulders and tucks me in close while we both look at the next one. "These last two are the best options, but they're complicated."

The first one has me taking the job in Michigan and Ash and Chloe coming to live in America with me and Joey. He's even got a pros and cons list under each plan. Which makes me a bit curious about what possible pros he came up with on the other two plans we've already cast aside.

The final board is all of us staying in England long term. I read through the pros and cons which are all pretty similar to what I would have written about how established we already are in this house and everything I'd be leaving in America. The pros and cons list were essentially the opposite for the America one.

"What's your preference?" I ask.

"Being with you. That's my only ask. Me and you and the kids. That's it."

"I don't have the contract in hand yet, but I'm being offered another five years in England on Monday. I just found out on Friday."

"Five years?" Ash squeezes my hip and stares down at me.

"If we could stay, you'd want us to?"

"It's the easiest option, to be sure." He runs his thumb along my cheekbone. "Whatever we decide, we both need to be happy. Not just the easiest. The best."

"I'd be happy with staying," I say. "I love it here with you and Chloe."

"Then we'll stay." He swallows and seems to be considering something. "Since we're getting all our ducks in a row..." He worries the edge of his lips with his teeth. "I'd like more kids. With you. If you're willing. I know you found it hard on your own, but we'd be doing it together. Might still be hard, but we'd have each other."

"Yes," I say, and there's no hesitation in me. "I'd have your baby."

"Blimey, that was easier than I expected."

I wrap my arms around his neck and drag him to me for a kiss. "I love you, and I love the thought of having your baby." My fingers are lodged in the short strands of his hair, and our foreheads are pressed together.

"I really feel like my mum brought me to you. That she found the person most suited to me in the whole world, and she delivered me to your doorstep."

The notion makes me a little teary, and I place a tender kiss on his lips. I had my own thoughts about fate or divine intervention back then, but it's a wonderful compliment to realize he thinks his mom would approve of us.

He scoops me up into his arms, and he heads for the stairs. At the bedroom, he lays me on the bed, and then he follows me down, one hand on either side of my head.

"Best get some more practice in if we're going to be having a baby."

My stomach flutters with excitement. Everything will be different this time—for both of us, and anxiety or uncertainty can't touch me. I've got no doubt that Ash and I are capable of going the distance whether it takes us across an ocean or has us staying right here in Bedfordshire.

As his lips seek mine, I can't believe that a last-minute posting for a nanny almost a year ago led us here.

Turns out I didn't get a nanny—I got a partner for life.

Gwen gets her happy ending next. Look for on my profile to read about her journey.

Miss Matched and When Stars Fall are both complete on here. I have several stories in KU and wide (Fake Crown, Scarred Crown, Saving Us, etc). Or check my profile for a more complete list.

Reads: 78, 550 Unique readers: 650 (record for this book)

Date of completion: May 6th, 2022