NOAH's POV

Thursday, August 26th

Marcus is missing out. If he doesn't want Brianna, I will gladly accept the gift given to me. When I get just one smile from her, my day lifts. I've never smiled so much since I met her. If Marcus gets pissed, I don't care at this point. He shouldn't. After all, it's his fault.

He should've claimed her while he had the chance.

Now I'm going to.

Because I love her.

And I'll never stop loving her.

BRIANNA's POV

Saturday, August 27th

I got hired at a local Starbucks. I go to work every now and then.

I'm exhausted every day because I keep having the same dream, over and over again.

———————————————

I'm lying unconscious. My eyes are closed but I can feel Marcus holding my hand. I can hear his sniffles from crying, and I can feel his warm tear fall on my arm. He's mumbling, but my ears seemed to have popped and I can't hear.

I know I'm sobbing but I can't open my eyes or make noise.

It's kind of like one of those nightmares where something's chasing you and you try to run and scream but you can't move and your mouth makes no noise. Or sometimes you're not even being chased. Sometimes it's something as simple as a loved one trying to tell you they love you but your mouth doesn't work and you can't move so you can't say it back. Then they leave heartbroken and there's still nothing you can do.

I squeeze my brain and chest and try to hear what he's saying. It almost sounds like he's speaking underwater.

But I mange to hear it.

"In your letter you told me to find a girl who made me happy and to never let her go."

He pauses.

"Well, you're that girl Brianna. And I can't let you go."

His voice cracks but I can't comfort him because I'm unconscious.

—————————————

That dream is so familiar that I'm convinced that it actually took place. But I'd never know. I couldn't ask Marcus because one, we're not speaking. Two, if it is just a dream I will seem even crazier than I already do.

So I have no reason to message him.

Except for maybe the fact to tell him that I love him, that he means everything to me. I'm nothing without him.

That's not healthy. To be nothing without someone is horrible, because one thing promised in this world is life and death.

Marcus completes me. Without him, only 1/4 of my soul remains with me.

He took the other 3/4 with him.

It's almost like our souls combined and due to my dumbass, we both tore each other's souls apart, and now we have nothing to heal it and it feels like I'm suffocating. Almost like the planet is not a gas ball but a globe that I'm stuck in and someone is shaking it and turning my life upside down. Laughing as my whole life is flipped and everything that gravity once held is falling in front of my face.

It's almost like my suffering will never end. The psych ward never works. When I think I'm getting better, I relapse into my same routine. I can't even get rid of the pain by trying to kill myself. Then I get out the hospital almost more hurt than I was before.

It's almost like I'm not allowed to be happy. I have to be content with being numb. I have to be content with a bullshit life.

A life that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I know others have it worse, but that doesn't make my feelings any less valid.

Since today was Saturday, Noah was taking me to a party after my shift tonight. He said I need a break.

So now my shift was ending. I was wiping down counters and tables when he comes in and his eyes search for me.

He looks at me, smiles and walks towards me.

He puts his hands on my shoulders.

"You ready?" He asks.

"Do I look ready?" I say, gesturing to my work attire.

"Look good to me." He jokes.

We go back to the apartment. I put on some high waisted ripped black sweatpants.The rips were small. I then put on a cropped UNLV hoodie. I take my hair out of its ponytail and brush it out. I put on light makeup.

I put on my white doc martens. Then me and Noah leave. Our pants looked exactly the same. He had on black ripped sweats and a black shirt. He also had a gold chain that was probably fake as hell.

"Poser." I mumble.

"What?" He says.

"You're wearing a fake chain."

"But I never said it was real, so I'm not a poser sweetheart."

After about 30 seconds of silence, he says.

"Do you skate?"

"Skateboard?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"No why?"

"Then don't dress like a skater girl. Poser."

I roll my eyes.

We walk to the frat house where the party would be taking place.

He hands me a drink, and I drink it.

He also drinks. Eventually we find a group of seemingly calm people to hang out with and sit on the couch and drink with them.

We decide to play beer pong, although more drinking is not what I needed.

But I felt happier. So I kept going.

In the middle, a very drunk boy comes up to us.

"Mind if I play?"

I look over at the boy.

It's Marcus.

Did he even notice me?

"Sure." One of the girls we were hanging with says.

Noah looks at me. I see him out the corner of my eye but don't look back at him. I just continue to play the game and act as if I'm too drunk to notice Marcus.

It's so hard to act like a stranger to the person I love.

And it's even harder to see him not even notice me.

Authors note: MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! If you don't celebrate, don't feel too left out. The hype was kinda missing this year but NOT FROM MY HOUSE!! I kept that happiness but I woke up super late today which is not normal for Christmas morning but it's fine.

I hope you guys enjoyed ur day, ate a good dinner, and kept a smile on your face. Also hope you had fun and hung out with family.

Anyways, I suck at giving gifts. I've been busy so I could only squeeze out two chapters that aren't rushed, but that's it :(

my 2020 goal: stop being a loser and bad writer :)

byyyeeee