Marcus' POV

April 16th, Wednesday.

11 PM

I bought some gifts earlier, for Brianna. I ordered a customized shirt online that says "I like my coffee dark like my clothes." It's so cringe but I like when she picks on me for being dopey. I also noticed that there is a padlock necklace she wears, so I ordered her another one. Except this one is a necklace that resembles the padlock we put on the Golden Gate Bridge. The words and everything. I also got her a newer coffee machine because she needed a coffee machine that didn't require so much work. I also got her a charm bracelet. I'm not sure if she'll wear it or not. I plan to get more and more charms for it every now and then. I put it all in a black gift bag.

Except the coffee machine, of course. I just wrapped that up.

April 17th, 3am.

I call Brianna. She had told me, Kayla, and Noah that she was moving super early.

The first few times I call, I get no answer.

When she finally picks up, I tell her happy Birthday and how Kayla wants to talk to her.

We hang up and I go to sleep.

She sounded sad like she'd been crying but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she's okay since it's her birthday.

AT SCHOOL

I enter the building, not as excited as I usually am because I knew Brianna wouldn't come today.

Noah comes up to me.

"Sup." I say.

He nods.

"Have you talked to Rose?" I ask him.

"Yeah I went over to her house super early this morning and once we got to the hotel I slept with her."

"You slept with her?" I ask in shock.

"Not like that!" He defends.

He laughs slightly.

"I went to help her with her stuff-"

"She didn't want help with her stuff." I interrupt.

"I know but I wasn't going to just show up then leave so I helped anyways."

"And?" I say.

"So we went to the hotel. The dumb owner made us by a two bed room because he thought I was staying, and then, we went inside and we drank a little bit of wine, and slept.

I laugh.

"Oh. Okay. I was so shocked. Like dang y'all clicked fast" I say.

That's not the truth, though. The truth is, there would have been a fight if he said he'd gotten with Rose. Even a kiss would get him punched. Ive never said I like Rose, but it's been implied.

It's been very deeply implied.

———————————

After school, I decide to go to her house to see if she's there. She might be at the hotel, but I decided to check her house first because knowing her, she probably forgot something, and had to come back and get it.

I pull up to the front of her house and don't see any car, implying that no one is home. I'm still nosy so I go and knock on the door.

When I get no answer, I just try to open it. It opens. Wow. Rose forgot to lock the door. I walk in and go upstairs as if it were my home. I do it so comfortably and effortlessly.

When I get up to the room, it is empty, except for a stool, meaning that the stuff she was gonna put in storage, must already be in her moving truck. I call her name to see if she's somewhere else in the house and when there is no answer, I step further into her room.

I spot something under the stool.

It was a piece of paper.

It was folded into a tiny rectangle. I unfold it.

It was titled "when 4/17 arrives"

I read it.

___________________________

So I'm dead now. Who found me? I honestly feel bad for whoever did. No one deserves to see someone lifeless. That's how I last saw mom. I'm going to explain to whoever is reading this how this note is organized. There will be different categories, made for different people to read. I'll start with dad.

Dad,

You suck. I hate you will all of my heart. I don't know why mom got with you. I don't know if you used to be decent, or if you were always a piece of shit. You've made my life hell. Ever since mom died, you haven't told me you loved me. And even worse, you haven't acted like it. You blame me for moms death. Honestly, if we're playing the blame game than I say it's your fault. You were so busy arguing with her, you didn't bother to think about saving it for later. Since I'm dead, I guess you're not a dad anymore. Good. You don't deserve to be one.

Kayla,

You were a great friend. I've known you for a very short amount of time. You're gorgeous and while I may not know your story, I do know that you deserve to live. You are strong and brave, and do not need to feel bad for my death. It was my decision, and nothing you did affected it. You made my life better. I'm glad you were part of my last days. I love you. Thanks for not hating me.

James and Jackson,

I don't really know what to say to you guys. None of this is technically your fault. I just thought since you know Marcus and I know you, I'd mention you. Thanks for letting me drown my sorrows with alcohol in your basement. I guess you guys are cool. No hard feelings, alright? Peace.

The blue eyed bitch at school,

I don't know what to say to you. You seem to have this idea in your head that Marcus is yours. I don't know if there is a law against emotional delusions, but I honestly feel sorry for you. When I was 13, I swore up and down that Justin Bieber was my boyfriend. I know how it feels. But anyways, you're gorgeous and I'm sure you'll find someone that you can rightfully threaten people over.

Noah,

Ugh. I hate to say it, but you contributed to my last moments in ways that might have been annoying, but helpful. Without you, those days without Marcus at school would've been hell. Also, I've always gotten the vibe that you were a softy. I kind of always felt like if I needed someone besides Marcus, you'd listen. And all I really need is someone to listen. So thanks.

To everyone at school,

Most of you hate me. I understand that. I hate me too. I'm not smart, beautiful, popular, thick, or any of the other things that makes society happy. It's normal for teens to judge girls. It might not make it okay, but you're teens. It's what you do. It's not good that it's normal, but it is. I'm sure you all have things going on at home. You guys are okay. All is forgiven. No grudges. K?

To my middle school bullies,

Uhm. You were kind of mean. Hopefully you got nicer as you got older. If not, please fix something. Bullying can be as bad as attempted murder, because both things could result in a death. So many people kill them selves each day because of bullies. Please, just consider others feelings before you speak.

Belle,

I almost forgot you. I understand why you left my dad, he sucks. But I don't understand why you ever got with him. He's ugly, jobless, and rude. While I may not think you have good type, I do think you should stop focusing on relationships with old men, and focus on school. I know you're smart and sophisticated and you should use that to your advantage.

Marcus' Mom,

You have been like a mother to me in the little time I've known you. You really are like the real parent figure in my life. Truth is, I always wished I could tell you everything. It's just really awkward for me to talk about. You've made me meals, and cared for me like your own. Thanks for that.

And lastly,

To Marcus,

Marcus. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You shaped my life in ways that no other person ever has or will. You might feel bad right now because of that time where you..well, weren't the nicest. But it's okay. Don't feel bad. You've done only good things towards my life. That one bad time, doesn't matter to me. It's forgotten. I love you so much. You're way sweeter than you let up. Never give up. Take your own advice, never stop breathing, and laughing. Also, find a girl who makes you happy. Once you find her, never let her go. I love you. And I'm sorry.

I am doing this because I'm tired of breathing. I'm tired of living. I'm tired of waking up every morning, and regretting every decision I make. I'm tired of my dad abusing me. I'm tired of feeling at fault for my moms death. I'm tired of hiding my scars. I'm tired of making my scars. I'm tired of being bullied at school. I'm tired of people speaking bad about me. I'm tired of being shoved against the lockers. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of the world today. This generation sucks ass. We need to be better. Suicide rates are up. We need to bring them back down. Just be nice. If you're not nice, you'll never know if you'll be the cause of someone's death, and another's loss.

And lastly, I'm sorry.

If you've ever hurt me, you are forgiven. Even you, dad. Because when I die, I want to die without grudges.

So even now, I promise to release myself of all grudges I hold against myself, the minute I take my last breath.

Thanks for reading.

Goodbye.

————————————————

I stare at the letter for a few seconds before shoving the note into my pocket and running to my car to get my phone.

I call Noah.

"Hello?"

"Noah I think something's wrong with Brianna. I need the address of the hotel and the room number now."

"Okay it's SF Inn room 203."

"Got it."

"What's-"

I hang up, get in my car, and speed to it after telling my GPS to lead me to it. I arrive at the hotel and run up to room 203.

I bang on the door.

When it doesn't open I kick it in, running off of pure adrenaline.

I run in and see nothing. I go into the bathroom, having to kick that door too because it was locked.

In front of my eyes, I saw a scene that would haunt me forever.

Empty pill bottle, empty wine bottle, and the same box cutter I found in her room that one day.

Foam was out her mouth, her hair was drenched in sweat, and her wrists were cut and bloodied. It had to just happen because the blood was still extremely wet and the foam was still coming out. I call 911.

"911 What's your emergency?"

"Uh..my friend might be dead." I say, trying to fight the tears.

God damn it, Brianna. Why are you so damn hard headed?

————————————

The ambulance comes, when they take her outside, Noah is out there.

"What the hell is going on?" He asks me.

"Brianna tried to kill herself." I reply.

"Tried? Is she alive?"

"I don't know."

"Did she look alive?" He asks.

"I don't know!!" I shout.

I was frustrated because I had to see Rose like that. It was a horrible sight to see.

I see the sincere worry on his face and talk to him.

"No. She didn't look alive."

"Why did she do that?"

I tell him about Brianna's past, hoping that Brianna won't mind. He had heard rumors at school anyways. Then I show him the suicide note.

"What the hell?" He says as he finishes reading it.

"I wish I could just kill everyone who made her feel this way." I snap.

"Hell, me too. And why can't we?"

"She wouldn't want us to."

"You say that like she's dead." Noah says, seriously.

"She might be."

He punches me in the shoulder, hard.

"Don't talk like that! Instead of running your mouth, let's follow the ambulance."

We get in my car and follow behind the ambulance.

Once we get to the hospital, we rush in along with the employees. We are forced to wait in the waiting room.

After five hours of waiting, a doctor comes out.

I've never been so fearful of what someone was going to say in my entire life.

"She won't wake up. At first her heart wasn't beating, her heart is beating now. So she's breathing. But she's breathing funny. She won't wake up. She will need stitches on her arm."

"Is she going to die?" Noah asks.

"I don't know. The other doctors are saying there's only a 30% chance she'll live."

I curse under my breath and run my hands through my hair.

"Can we see her?" Noah asks.

"Um..maybe come back tomorrow. We're going to keep trying to do our best to make this girl survive."

"Thanks." Noah says.

I was too angry to say anything. I guess I was being unreasonable. I wanted to see her now. We get up and leave. After we are back in my car I curse out loud.

Noah pats my back.

I begin sobbing. I can't hold it anymore.

"You wanna go get a drink?" Noah asks me.

"No. I just wanna be alone." I respond.

"Okay." Noah replies.

"I will drive you home." I tell him.

"Cool."

I take Noah home and then I go home. For the first time since I was 9, I run into the house and hug my mom, while I sob.

"Boy you are tall and I'm like 4 feet short. What are you hugging me for?" She asks me.

She sees the sadness on my face and backs up.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

I begin getting hiccups from my sobs and just hand her the note.

After she finishes reading it, her jaw is dropped.

"Brianna tried to kill herself."

"Is she okay?" My mom asks, beginning to cry.

"There's only a 30% chance she'll live." I sob.

She makes me cookies but I'm too sad to eat. She is too. After a few hours of talking, we eat the cookies. I go to sleep on the couch. Too upset to go to my room.