"Stand up Gabe, I'm setting your desk on fire."

"I don't care who's condom it is, put it away."

"Whoever wrote mitochondria as the most important thing you learned in science, raise your hand. I know there's more then one."

"No, don't ask Jesus for help on your quiz. If you didn't study, not even Jesus can help you now."

"Would anyone like to donate clothing to put on our class skeleton? It makes me uncomfortable that he gets to be naked in class but I can't."

"No, I'm not grading your test. I'm trying to sell my World of Warcraft account. That's what happens when you have kids."

"Don't marry anyone named Mia. Most likely she's marrying you for a visa, trust me."

"Oh really, does it say you're a loser on your birth certificate too?"

"I may have accidentally sent a very personal email to one of your parents that was suppose to go to my mom."

"Which one of you hell beasts stole my almond chocolate off my desk?"

"No Gabe, Bill Nye the Science Guy isn't a documentary."

"Do I look like I would keep dead rats in a jar?- Don't answer that."

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