I have always believed that therapists should be willing to get therapy themselves. First of all, it can be educational to understand ourselves so that we can understand others. As such, our own therapy is a part of our education.

We have all lived and been impacted by life. Some of the best therapists that I have known have been in treatment for various psychological issues and problems. Some of them also have dealt with additions... trauma, victimization, anxiety, and other problems.

Perhaps it makes us more understanding of the struggles that others might face in life. We also have seen the healing power of psychology and psychotherapy treatment techniques.

As an undergraduate student, I developed communication and social skills through the use of counseling and psychology. It included but was not limited to cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. It was something I had to do.

I was obviously very successful in my efforts or I wouldn't be doing what I have been doing all these years.

Certain skills that we learn as mental health professionals are learned through practice and experience. For example, consider hypnosis which I studied. Let me tell you about that.

I had enquired of some of my colleagues what organization provides the best most recognized training and certification. The answer I got from some hypnotherapists that I knew was the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis (ASCH).

I had been meeting with a therapist who provides clinical hypnosis to help me overcome some fears, anxiety, stress, phobias, and other issues - nothing debilitating but I was intrigued ever since I had some exposure to these ideas during my internship with Chris Hauge at "The Oaks." The use of hypnosis seemed to be somewhat similar to experiential techniques like gestalt therapy, inner child work, visualization and etc.

So, after I got my degree and while I was working in the field, I traveled to Chapel Hill from Wilmington to participate in an ASCH-certified training program taught by a professional who was certified to provide training.

It was fascinating and very useful. Somehow, I was able to get one day off from work and it was justified as required continuing education credits that all clinical social workers are required to obtain every year.

I know that I was getting more than the minimum required training for licensed clinical social workers.

Self-Discovery and My Own Personal Therapy/Treatment

I had changed jobs a few times during that time period after graduation for reasons that had to do with my values and interests as compared to the settings where I worked. I did mention that there were some issues that I had with Brynn Marr.

I had three jobs before I started my own private practice. I know that might seem bad because I had been changing jobs three times in about two years during the years 1996, 1997, and 1998. With Brynn Marr, I found that the ethics around how they operated were not consistent with my ethical values.

Lynn had heard things about them and so she wasn't surprised that this didn't work out. Then I started a job in New Bern for one month in late December and into January of 1997 and I was miserable. I couldn't make sense of why Lynn was fine with me taking this job away from her from Monday through Friday.

I had gotten my own apartment up there, which was cold, empty, and desolate. Maybe I should have waited for a better job which would have been a better match and closer to home. This was a Case Manager position, and I was just doing screenings to determine if someone needed hospitalization for psychiatric reasons.

The biggest problem for me was being away from Lynn all week. Hadn't we committed ourselves to one another to live as husband and wife? She didn't seem to protest my choice to be away from her all week! That only made me more depressed.

It just didn't seem right to me. I don't know if she thought it was a good opportunity for me and just didn't want to stand in the way of opportunities, but I wanted her to say she was sad that I was away. I know that if it had worked out we would have to find a better place than the apartment I was renting.

I finally told her how miserable I was up there. I still had to pay rent to her mother for our home in Wilmington.

Anyway, we were in love and I had to be with her. I could not visualize where this was going to go for me. We were much happier together. There was nothing that had happened to divide us during this time, but she understood that when it came to family and love, of course, I was driven by my passions.

The job lasted only one month before I was fired! I had been allowed to resign from Brynn Marr but not from this job. I don't even remember why I was fired but it was good that it happened that way.

Other parts of my life were dictated by rational thinking and careful decision making but love and family are what really mattered the most to me – to us!

So, I did get a job after that at Sampson County Mental Health Center.

I was also in therapy to find out why I was having some problems matching my dreams, career aspirations, plans, and goals with practical examples of success. The decision itself to go into Social Work was a decision based on my values. I was idealistic all along in terms of what motivated my choices to pursue this career.

As I mentioned earlier, there was one time when she went into the hospital when her lung functioning had fallen a bit low. Again, I, or we, had to live in each moment together without panicking about her health. Indeed, that had an impact on my mental health.

No one that I was seeing at any time said to me that I have problems that limit my abilities as a mental health professional. Every problem, i.e., job change, was a learning experience.

Of course, it's depressing and stressful when the woman you love has to be hospitalized because her lung functioning is problematic.

Anyway, I was going for psychoanalysis, with Marjorie Israel, Clinical Hypnosis with another therapist, and I was seeing a therapist at the Family Counseling Center in Wilmington. I wasn't doing all this at the same time but there was some overlap.

I took my responsibilities seriously and had a drive to be successful - more of a driving passion.

There was another problem that had to be addressed. The impact of abuse or being assaulted by my parents previously was still a factor in my life - not so much on the job but at home. I had nightmares and I was struggling to understand my own sense of self-identity.

I knew who I was, but some religious ideas had bothered me because they existed as absolutes - rules - that created fears and problems in our lives. Lynn was more open-minded and carefree. Anyway, I had ideas about right and wrong, and Lynn believed in things that didn't match those ideas.

She was such a good person and very full of Christian love without being a Christian. There were certain beliefs that I had, and they were like absolute truths and Lynn would challenge me. So, I was still growing and developing in some ways.

But we seemed to be arguing a great deal. So, we went for couples counseling at the Family Services Center in Wilmington. We saw an older guy who went on to be a Clinical Social Worker after working in a different field for a number of years. I think he was in his 60s.

We made great progress when I had something of an epiphany. Lynn wasn't worried about the nightmares, but when I got mad, I sometimes threw things. She once said "what if I was there where you threw that... " whatever it was that I threw the last time.

I thought "you weren't there, or I wouldn't have thrown it" but I didn't say that. I was deeply ashamed and shocked. "What was I thinking?" I thought. To do anything to make Lynn scared was so unacceptable and wrong. I was scared because I knew that I was lucky to have Lynn in my life. And she doesn't put up with anything like some men and women in relationships put up with disrespect or anything.

Our arguments never got to the point of either one of us disrespecting the other person.

What I mean is that if she thought I knew she was scared and did it anyway, she would have left me. She was NEVER afraid to make sure to speak her mind. I mean if we were having an argument and if I tried to walk away in anger, she would follow me.

She would say, "I'm not done talking to you."

I had a punching bag, and I would hit that if I got angry and frustrated. But every time she followed me outside, I stopped to be sure not to hurt her or anything. I could not imagine letting anything scratch or bruise her precious body and she knew that for certain.

She had seen the way I acted when she was in the hospital and had to get IV antibiotics and how much I told her I wanted to stop them from piercing her skin... but it had to be done.

Anyway, it only took the shock of hearing those words "what if I was there when you threw that" ... those words sent chills up my spine. That kind of expression of anger could NEVER happen EVER. So, I had a powerful motivation to overcome my impulsive anger.

I know it was related to the abuse I had experienced from my parents. So much pent-up anger!

It was weird because Gestalt therapy encourages screaming and hitting a chair or something to release the anger that has been stuffed down inside as a result of abuse or trauma. I just had to do that in controlled ways.

I was instantly cured of the ways I had been expressing anger when Lynn indicated that she is worried that someday I might accidentally hurt her. It took a while for me to compose myself after the shame I felt when she revealed this. Then I said, "it will NEVER happen again."

She had responded, "I know."

Obviously, she recognized the shame and conviction I had to ensure that I NEVER act in a way that is unacceptable to her. And I NEVER did repeat those behaviors. Not EVER!

It truly sucks that a person can be so in love and have such a profoundly special relationship and still feel depressed at times. I suppose things were not perfect for us - I'm not talking about personal issues between us but just our situation, her health condition.

With her limited income, she could have been the one person who might have expressed a desire for me to take jobs that paid more or for me to find employment with a large company that might provide insurance that would cover her.

Believe me, Lynn was not the type to hold back her thoughts, feelings, and desires.

Post Graduate Continuing Education

As stated above I was in training to gain the certification as a Clinical Hypnotherapist from the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis (ASCH).

That wasn't the only area of expertise that I was pursuing.

As I said earlier, I was glad to have the opportunity to get any kind of training that was available. I just loved learning new ideas, techniques, and tools.

It was the mid to late 90s and there wasn't a treatment technique that didn't interest me.

I was a part of the local chapter of the Society of Clinical Social Workers in Wilmington, which was for New Hanover County, NC. This was helpful in both finding out about training opportunities and in networking and collaborating with colleagues.

Through this involvement, I could attend regular meetings, at least once a month, and discuss challenges that exist in our professional lives providing therapy to a range of clients with various diagnoses, conditions, or disorders.

I will discuss this in greater detail in the next section of my book. First, I have a few more things to share about how I finally qualified for licensure as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker.