Concentrating among people you now see totally different than before is very hard.

The party yesterday was a wreck, and it made me one too.

The best proof I have is walking into the cafeteria and taking a glimpse of almost every single person I've seen yesterday to have an even filthier thought about them.

Including myself once I looked in the mirror across the table.

"You have a pretty strict uncle," I heard Jackson behind me, making me whip my head to find him sitting down beside me.

My insides flipped as his question rang through my head in complete realization... that he knew exactly what he did.

"I thought you weren't sober...?"

His smirk dropped, as his body stood almost dead.

Time stopped, and so did my heart for almost a second before it compensated the lost beat with multiple rapid ones.

"Tanya told me about what happened."

"Oh," I said, looking down at my food, sensing him do the same too.

Tanya was nowhere beside us yesterday.

"Hey guys," I felt Andrea and Ted sit on the table, the smiles on their faces immediately filling me with a good dosage of positive vibes.

It was almost as if my body needed their smiles and company right then, right there.

"How are you?"

"I am full of jolly," Ted chuckled, glancing at Andrea making me smile softly.

"I'm pretty good," she shyly giggled, taking the juice box to shake it roughly.

My eyes diverted away from theirs, too scared to observe something too private and release a hidden thought through the smiles.

"I'd do anything to take a nap right now."

"It ain't that long till we head home," Jackson patted my shoulder drawing a small smile on my face.

"I have a session after school."

"For what?" He inquired making me sit up straight, my heart suddenly falling.

"Dad's girlfriend helps me with chemistry. "

It crashed to the ground after a loud thud of dissatisfaction.

The only bond tying Jackson and I is a rope of lies...

It sickens me that all we share are lies.

"How about a cuddle session after you're done with chemistry?"

My eyes widened in interest to what I'd just heard. Cuddles seem awfully inviting..... even when I'm a little taken back from his recent lie.

"Cuddles?"

"Mhmm," his arms swept over my shoulder making me lean into his chest as I giggled uncontrollably.

"I love cuddles!"

"Jeez," Ted cringed making me blush madly, "didn't know you were an actual baby."

"Damn, you're cute."

********************

"Is it okay to lie about not being sober?"

I've been sitting here for less than fifteen minutes and the urge to blurt everything out has me on my nerves.

We never even started the session yet, waiting for Ross' coffee to heat up and I'm already feeling like pouring my mind out.

"Depends on the reason behind the lie," he crossed his legs, gently tugging on his hair tips -a habit I happened to discover about him.

"Jackson lies to me, and I lie to him. He wasn't drunk when he tried to touch me yesterday. I don't have chemistry sessions with Rydel, I take therapy lessons with doctor Lynch."

"Are you drunk?"

"In my thoughts? Absolutely."

He got up to walk towards me gracefully, capturing my attention from the ceiling until he stopped, motioning for me to scoot further away.

I did as told, watching him lay down beside,making me stare back towards the ceiling.

"I don't want you to be naive, Lia," he laid on his side, resting his head on his palm as I proceeded staring at the white ceiling. "I know it's hard to act naturally with him, or in other words, stop him if actions get too uncomfortabl- you know what we should work on?"

"What?"

"Making you as comfortable with Jackson as you are with me," his words made my heart almost skip a beat, probably never getting what he means.

" I can't do that," it almost spoke itself out, hence I never knew when my vocals decided to function while my breath was gone.

"Why not?"

"Because you're not Jackson and Jackson isn't you....I can't be this close to Jackson-"

"Then why can you do so with me?" He cut me off, leaving me frustrated as I was completely incapable of confessing the truth about the way I feel.

Ross is a man whom I know is able to treat me the way I'd want to be treated.

Jackson is a boy whom might at some point break my heart.

I trust Ross with my soul, my body, my life...but I certainly do not trust Jackson with me.

"I just don't trust Jackson the way I trust you...I want to love him and I want him to love-"

"How can you be so smart...yet be so clueless about the definition of love?"

The way he looked at me while these god forsaken words escaped his mouth pinned my mind in a state of disfunction.

"Because the person who was supposed to love me most didn't want me the day I came to life."

Maybe I can never get over my mother.

Maybe I won't love Jackson because he wouldn't love me properly the way I couldn't love my mother because she never loved me at all.

"Maybe I am unlovable. Maybe I'll forever be until a person changes that thought by loving me. "

Lovesick eyes were staring back at me. Dead inside, lost, yearning to be found. Eyes that filled mine with a life. Eyes that brought my brown orbs blue. Eyes that spoke with so much heat, it broke chains free.

Eyes that put the world on show for me, it made me realize I've been blind.

💔