❦ SESSIONS ❦ WITH ❦ LOVE❦

Chapter 31

|The endless wait|

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My eyes open and the silence is the first thing I'm met with. But, it is not the silence that is around me, rather the one that is inside me. It is so silent that I can't hear anything other than my own thoughts. This strange thing I have never known, and it makes me wonder what is happening. Looking around me, I notice that I'm in our bedroom. Silas isn't here with me, and it makes me miss him, but not as much as the sounds that should be in my head.

I know inside me that there should be voices and I miss them, I miss having them around me to guide me and protect me from all harm as I know they can do perfectly. Sitting up on the bed I find that I feel fine other than I'm missing them. It is like one half of me has been ripped away from me. It's gone. I stand up from the bed and walk out of the room. Having only one mission now. I remember everything that happened. I need to see how my best friend is doing and if she's alive.

There is no one in the hallways as I walk them, making me feel even more alone than I already feel. It makes me fe3el like everyone in the world is gone, and it's only me left. I go towards the hospital room that Silas weirdly has in his house, though I'm not going to question that much. I open the door and this sense of relief goes through me when I see Trina lying there. Beeping sounds all around her and some tube is in her mouth. But, I see her breathing, that is all that matters to me.

She's alive. Tears spring to my eyes when I walk towards her and sit on the bed and take her hand. It's cold but she's alive. I sit there and watch her for some time now. Wondering when she will wake up again. Her skin is so pale, and she truly doesn't look that good. I just hope that she's not leaving me. She is my best friend and I can't lose her too. I won't lose her as well, I won't be able to handle it. I refuse to allow that to happen to her, she does not deserve this.

I don't know for how long I've been sitting here when the door opens. Looking behind me, I notice Silas standing there and looking at me with this sorrowful look. "Leanna" He says. My heart just melts hearing my name come out of his mouth, makes me want to kiss his lips. But, now is neither the time nor place for such things. "Will she be all right?" I ask him. He walks over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. For comfort, I think. "Yes, in time she will be" Silas says, and I nod.

It breaks my heart to see her like this, and if I could switch places with her, I would do so in a heartbeat. Trina has been through so much pain in her life that she does not deserve any of this, but I know I deserve it. I've done so many bad things in my life that I should be paying for them my entire life, I should be in jail. I'm not. "You should be resting, it's late" He says to me. Shaking my head I turn to look at Trina once again. "No, I've rested enough. I need to be with her" I tell him. Silas nods.

Understanding that I need to be with her, she's my best friend. If I can bring her some comfort while she's in that pain then I will. Trina needs to know that she's now alone, I'm here with her, and I'm not leaving her any time soon. I will b here when she wakes up, and I will be here when she is healing and getting back on her feet. She was by my side when I needed her the most, now it is my time to be by her side.

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The hours pass and it feels horrible. The wait is horrible. I drink the tea that Silas brought me before as I sit on a chair beside Trina's bed. Listening endlessly to the beeping sounds of her heart beating, the sound makes me go insane and yet at the same time I'm grateful for the sound because it is the sound of her living. She's alive, and she is going to be all right. If only she could wake up from her coma. The doctor said that her brain responses, and it is only a matter of time before she wakes up.

I've not left her bedside the whole time, and I will stay here as long as I need. I know that she can hear me and I know that she is in there to be there. Trina is aware that I'm here for her, and she knows that I'm not leaving any time soon. Silas walks into the room and sits down on the chair next to mine and takes my hand. "Do you want anything? A blanket? A pillow?" He asks me but I shake my head. "No, I'm all right" I say, in reality I'm not.

The voices are gone and my mind is as blank as a white paper sheet. It makes me miss them with everything that I have. These voices have been inside me since before I could remember myself. Sometimes they did not speak to me, but I felt them, and they created me and shaped me into the person that I am today. Without them, I feel lost and all alone. Despite having Silas here with me, I feel like I'm all by myself. "Just know that I can get you anything you want" He says to me so quietly that I had barely heard him, but I did.

"I want the truth" I say to him without looking at him. I've been kept in the dark, but I don't want that anymore. I need to know the truth, of who I am and everything in between. Sighing he takes my hand. "I will give you the truth when she has woken up" He says to me. I nod to him, and then we fall into silence for a couple of minutes. "Is Ace dead?" I ask him after a while. I've been wondering if he has killed him already and ended this all.

"No" Silas answers me. Looking up into his kohl black eyes I see that there is anger in them. I take his hand and smile sadly towards him. He doesn't need to say the words for me to know. Silas May have killed so many people before, but this is the one person that he can't kill. Ace was his best friend, the one that he trusted the most, and he betrayed him. Despite it all, there is one thing that Silas simply can't do and that is kill him. He can hurt him, but kill him, he cannot.

After some time Silas stands up and walks out of the room, but I stay behind. I hold Trina's hand still, and I am not letting go until she wakes up. As much as the sadness weighs on me, I find that I just want my best friend back. I need her. "I don't know if you are dreaming of the perfect world, but know this, Trina, I'm waiting for you in this one" I whisper to her. Every so often I would whisper things to her. Thinking that she might be able to hear them and follow them over to me.

❦

Two days pass and still Trina hasn't woken up yet, but they had taken the tube out of her mouth since she's breathing on her own now. With each day I try to keep up the hope that she will open her eyes and she will be right here with me again. I find myself sinking into this hole that I doubt that I will ever be able to escape from. I've barely moved from the spot that I sit beside her bed. The only times is when Silas forces me to stand up and use the bathroom. Other than that I stay by her side. Making sure that she will wake up soon.

The doctor says that I only need to give Trina time, that she will wake up when she's ready to face the world. But, I know deep inside me that she won't wake up unless I'm here with her to guide her. I know all too well how important it is to have some voice lead the way towards safety. There might be a chance that Trina doesn't hear me, but I need this. It is not just for her but for myself as well. My mind is empty, and it makes me want to cry and break down.

Silas sits by my side and holds my hand. He often does this and rarely does he talk, just sits there and waits with me. Sometimes he would leave and use his anger on Ace in every way he knows. I fear knowing what he's doing to him, but it's clear that Ace deserves it. After what he has done to Silas and Trina, he deserves to rot. I have not gone down to see him, and I won't, unless she wakes up. I won't leave her side. Trina means everything to me, and I'm here for her.

Her body remains motionless but every, so often she would move her fingers or her toes. They say that is a good sign. That she's trying to get back, but doesn't know how. That is why I'm here. To guide her when she needs me the most. It might be some weeks until she wakes. Yet, if that is what it takes to get her back then I will do it. I won't give up on my best friend, I won't give up. I won't. Movement in the chair beside me catches my attention as my eyes turn to face Silas who stands up.

His gives me a light kiss on the lips before he leaves the room. I'm all alone with my best friend now, but still I feel as alone as ever. I have not asked Silas how the voices are gone, and I don't want to ask him. I never told him about the voices and I don't think he knows about them, about her, so telling him would only make matters worse. The silence is unbearable to me, yet slowly I'm accepting the things that I have lost. Sometimes I think that it is for the best.

That now that the voices, that she is gone, I'm going to be better than I was. My life would be easier to live. Though, always when I think that, I find that it can never happen. I won't become the person that I was without them, and my life won't be better. She made my life better and even when she annoyed me, she was there for me when I was alone, she was with me. She was me sometimes, it made me feel safe and alive. Now, I feel like there is this emptiness inside me that won't go away.

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Another day passes by. Tomorrow it will be Silas' birthday. I had everything planned for him, I was going to show him the tattoo that I got only for him. It makes me feel horrible that I might miss it, and on the other hand it makes me feel horrible that I would celebrate it with him and leave Trina here all by herself. She needs someone to stay with her any all times, to help her find her way back to us, back to me. She's lost, and she needs a beacon to know the way back home.

I eat some soup that Silas had brought me. Not really feeling like eating but I have to. I can see how much this is hurting Silas and perhaps without even knowing it, I'm hurting him by staying here all the time. My heart breaks for the impossible situation that I'm stuck in, with my best friend in a coma and the love of my life in pain every day. I'm the most terrible person that has ever come across this world. I don't deserve either one of them, and they deserve so much more than someone like me.

Standing up from the chair I take the empty bowl and put it on one of the tables that are nearby. "Lea" A voice comes behind me. Gasping I slowly turn around to see Trina with her eyes open and looking at me. Tears run down my cheeks as I rush over to the bed and take her hand. "Trina? You're awake?" I ask. The blurry vision of the tears don't bother me as I look at my best friend. She's awake. She's really awake.

She doesn't answer me, only looks around the room in confusion. "You're in the hospital room of Silas' house" I tell her. I don't think she remembers how she got here or what happened. She opens her mouth but closes it again. "Do you want some water?" I ask her. It takes her a couple of seconds to nod her head. I hurry to find a glass and fill it with water and hand it to her. I help her sit on the bed and hand her the glass. As soon as she takes the glass I notice that her hands are shaking.

I take a hold on the glass around her hands to steady them. "It's all right, I'm here now" I tell her. I'm not leaving her now. My best friend is awake and that is all that matters to me now. Slowly Trina drinks the water, and then she hands me the glass again. I set it down on the desk beside the bed. She continues to look around the room and I use the opportunity to press the button that Silas gave me to signal that I needed him. He handed it to me and told me that I could press it any time that I needed him.

It does not take him long to arrive here and once he enters he is in shock as he notices Trina sitting on the bed, awake and well. She has not spoken much, but she's awake, and she is going to be all right. Slowly he walks inside and over to me. "She's awake" I say to him, though he could see it. Saying it makes it real and that is what I need right about now, something that is real and something that is true. I've been lost for so long, but now I feel like things are about to be all right.