❦ SESSIONS ❦ WITH ❦ LOVE❦

Chapter 24

|Accuse me, hurt me, leave me|

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Something about seeing the fear in his eyes makes me happy, and I like this happy feeling and I love seeing him afraid of me. I take a step closer to him, but he tries to back away from me. So weak and pathetic. Can't even stand up against me. Some man behind him prevents him from going anywhere as he tries to get away. When I'm right in front of me I lean down to his ear. "If you ever question my loyalty again you will suffer in ways that you have never suffered before. I can break your body in the worst way possible" I whisper into his ear.

Karl begins to shake as I lean back and give him a wicked grin. He should have known that you cannot mess with me nor Silas and if he does then he will die. First I will make sure that he feels more pain than he has ever felt in his life, and then I will break him apart. Then I will kill him. I will do anything to protect Silas and if this man is questioning me he is questioning Silas as well because we are one.

I giggle as I turn around and head back to the platform where Silas is looking at me, I'm shocked to see that his look is not one that I like seeing. I nearly gasp when I see that Silas is glaring at me. I don't like it when he glares at me. The voice is going away, and I'm left to pick up the pieces, and I'm the one that is in control, and she has been pushed into the furthest corner of my mind. Where I can still feel and hear her, but I'm the one that controls my body.

I go and stand beside him again, but I keep feeling this cold feeling from him for some reason as he has not looked at me since he glared at me. Why did he glare at me? Did I do something wrong? All I did was defend him and me and us, I did nothing other than that. I know very well that in order for him to be the boss they need to be afraid of him and if they are not afraid of him they will not respect him. I just showed them that they should be afraid of us.

Sometimes I don't understand Silas at all, but then again that is why we have our sessions or one of the reasons. We want to understand one another, and we can only do that by talking and those sessions are not just for him, but they are for me too because I need them and there are things that I want to tell Silas but would never be able to find the right words to do so, which is why we need those sessions and as a therapist I know that we both need this for ourselves.

He speaks to the crowd some more and threatens them again, and then he dismisses them, and has ordered that no leaves the house as we are in lockdown. I have no idea what that means, but it does not sound that good. Something about that word is not that comforting to me, and it's quite scary. But, no one is going to know that, they can't otherwise they will not respect me or Silas. He, however walks over to me and takes my hand and leads me down the path that w came before, but this time he leads me towards a room that I know but have never entered.

His office. I had once eavesdropped on him and the Warden when I was last in this hallway and I had heard interesting things, strange things but interesting. To this day I still have no clue what they were talking about, will not really, but I can kind of guess. I think it was about me, but I don't know, and I doubt that if I walk to Silas then he's going to tell me. He did after all kill the Warden that day, so I think he simply does not car care or even remember their conversation.

He opens the door and leads me inside where I'm met with his office. It's smaller than I had thought it would be but since this is an office for one man that makes sense. It's tidy and there is not a thing or an object that is out of place here, it's all perfectly organized and just so him. Silas does not like messes, he's the one that likes to keep things clean and tidy around him. Unlike me who does not even seem to care about the mess or anything like that.

Closing the door Silas turns to look at me, still with that glare. It hurts my heart to have Silas give me that look, I don't like it and I want him to smile at me and kiss me and make me feel like he's the only one in the world as I often feel, and I can never get enough of him. But, the look that he is giving me now, the glaring, it's not flattering when he's staring at me like that, and I want that look to go away.

"What was that?!" He asks me, his voice is angry. I don't get it, why would he be angry? I did nothing wrong, I showed those people that they should be afraid of us so that they can follow us. I may not know much about this world, but I'm trying, for him, I'm trying. "What was what?" I ask him as I sit down in a chair nearby. It makes me feel uneasy that he's asking me these questions angry, I think he needs to relax a bit and clam down before he can ask me.

"You know what, Leanna!" He speaks louder this time. I nearly jump because of how loud he is. Silas is yelling at me? That makes me feel horrible inside and the voice is whimpering in my head which really does not help me that much right now. She does not even apologize for that. "I just threatened him and put him back into his place" I say softly but his glare only deepens. I just want to lie down and disappear under this glance, I don't like it. It makes me feel horrible on the inside and other feelings that I don't like either.

"Yeah, and you put a large target on your back. Do you have any idea how much you sounded like a mole?" He asks me, but I know it was not a question meant to be answered. I just sit there and look down to the ground. Why do I feel like a child that is being scolded? I did not sound like a mole, or I don't think that I did. I don't know much about moles except for the ones that people get on their bodies, but this is something that is much more different from that.

Silas stands and is sitting halfway on his desk, even leaning against him and staring down at me and I can feel his glare on my, even if I'm not looking up; to meet it, I don't want to. "A mole would defend their honor no matter what, and you just did that" He says. "I'm not a mole" I say to him and finally look up to meet his glare. I find that his kohl black eyes darken so much when he's angry and once I would have loved this dark look on him, but now I don't like it anymore.

"I know that but they don't. Now all of them are talking on how they can test you to see if you are the mole or not. They don't trust you which means they don't trust me!" He speaks louder. It makes me feel like crying, to0 listen to him be angry at me. I love it when he's angry at others and I love watching them be afraid of him, but I never thought that in my life that's I would be afraid of the man that I love so much, more than anything else in this world, I love him, and yet I'm a bit afraid of him now.

Water forms in my eyes, but I will not let them fall, and I will not cry in front of him. I need to show Silas that I'm strong enough to do anything and that I can be like him. I can be a part of this thing that he has going on, I can, and I will prove it to him, to them. "Then I will just have to prove to them that I'm not the mole" I tell him, speaking the thoughts that I was thinking inside my head. He rolls hie eyes. "That will never work. They will only see it that you are trying top hard to prove you're not the mole when you are in fact the mole" He says to me.

The way that he said those words it sounded like he believed them. "You think I'm the mole?" I quietly ask him suddenly. Didn't he say that he did not think that I was this mole that is causing more trouble that needed? "Yes. No. I don't know" He says, and I find that it's like being shot with a bullet and I know what that feels like because I've felt it before, it hurts, a lot. And this hurts like that. This time I can't control the tears that slowly run down my cheeks.

"All right, I think I will just leave then" I say as I stand up and without a word I walk out of the office before he could say more or I for that matter. The voice is quiet, and I barely even hear her. All that I feel inside his pain, I don't understand why he would say that. I'm not then mole, and I truly thought that Silas would always be on my side and believe in me and not some random strange that said at most two sentences.

Does his love for me mean that little to him that he would believe someone else over me? I don't understand it. I walk the hallways and past people, but I barely even pay much attention to them as I walk towards our room. There are not that many places that I'm allowed to be in this house and I wonder why. This is the first time that I've actually been inside his office. Is that because he thinks I'm the mole?

It hurts so much inside my heart to know that he does not love me as much as I love him, is he truly just pretending so that he could find out if I'm a mole. I don't know. None of this makes sense to me and I simply can't wrap my head around it. I can't understand it or him for that matter now. Reaching the bedroom I lie down on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. I find that this is the only thing that I want to do now, stare at the ceiling and do nothing.

Just allowing my thoughts to wander. I think of all the times that Silas and I have been together, and I don't think that he thought I was a mole at first. I do wonder how he got the idea that I'm that mole. He simply can't have thought of it now otherwise he would not have been so angry, there must have been some trigger somewhere. No matter what I do, I can't seem to find that trigger nor do I have the energy for it, I just want to sleep.

After the day that I've had I just want to close my eyes and forget all about it, leave the worries for tomorrow and where I don't have to deal it just yet. I go under the covers and get into a comfortable position. Even when the tears are still leaking down my face I find that the sleep is not difficult to find, and soon I'm able to grasp it into my hands where it takes me away into another world which I can dream on about anything and everything without ever having to worry.

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By the time that I wake up I notice that it's already dark outside, I have no idea how long I've been asleep, but Silas has not come up to bed, so it can't be that late. I'm reminded of what happened before I went to sleep and the pang in my heart only grows, to the point where the voice is even whimpering in my head. She's hurt, and I am hurt, we're in this together and yet it feels like we're both in pain that we have to deal with separately for some odd reason that I don't understand.

I stay in bed for some time and I stare at the ceiling again. I start to hum a lovely song to distract myself from the thoughts in my head, but it does not seem to work since all I can think of are his words and what has happened. The glare that he had given me is still fresh in my mind, and it does not appear to want to leave me at all. It's there to stay, and it's clear I won't be able to run from it. The door then opens and Silas walks in.

I'm happy but at the same time a bit nervous. "What are you still doing here! Leave!" He yells at me. I'm taking aback by his tone and his words and I sit up on the bed as I stare at him with shock. What did he just say? He wants me to leave. None of this I understand and right now I have no idea who this man is, but I know very well that this is not Silas, this man is someone else because the man that I love and loves me back would never do this to me.

"Leave, Leanna, I don't want you anymore!" He yells at me. Seeing the anger in his eyes that is pointed at me, I hurry off the bed and stare at him. The tears are rolling down from my eyes as I walk towards the door. He turns his back at me as I open the door and walk outside. The pain is too much for me to handle. Does he not love me? It hurts to think that the one that I love is throwing me away and saying he does not want me. I walk down the hallways until I reach the front door and walk out of it, closing it, and then I turn around to look at the house. "Goodbye, my love" I whisper as I turn around and walk away.