Oliver Remmer was a ticking time-bomb.

He didn't look that dangerous but when provoked and not diffused quick enough, he'd detonate. Maybe Ceaser didn't notice the way his fists were clamped by his sides and the wild look in Oliver's cold eyes or he'd chosen to ignore it, I didn't know. All I knew was when the boy stood, toe-to-toe with Oliver, his brown eyes glaring down as if taking him up on the offer, it wouldn't end well.

"It's not that serious, guys," Jan had announced, his eyes directed on the pair. He hadn't wanted anything to escalate and Jan being Jan, he didn't want Oliver to be thrown back into juvie because of him.

"It is that serious, January," Oliver had ground out, voice dark and eyes narrowed to slits. I could basically hear his teeth grinding, "he's an ignorant little shit who needs to keep his mouth shut."

"And you're a crazy mother-fucker, protecting the faggot," Ceaser had fired back. I wasn't sure when it got silent, frankly I wasn't paying attention but when I looked around for Elliot to stop this, anyone to stop this, I realized all the eyes on our table -or the scene beside our table.

"He wants you to hit him, Oliver," Jan spoke, eerily calm as if he knew how to deal with the situation. I could see Oliver squeeze his eyes shut before looking over at Jan quickly, focusing immediately back on Ceaser. It was like they had some small form of connection, "he wants you to prove the rumors right."

The fight must not have been moving fast enough or people were losing interest in Ceaser. And Ceaser was an attention whore, so he obviously had to bring people's eyes back to him. "Come on, fight me you fucking pussy," he'd said, pushing Oliver's shoulders for effect.

He was playing with fire.

"Get your hands off me," Oliver had said, body shaking when Ceaser gripped his arm tightly as if he could rip Oliver apart in a second. I could see the way Oliver's eyes changed as he started to blackout, his jaw was tightly clenched as he got this crazy look in his eyes.

"Oliver, please stop," January was pleading, voice steady as I saw his hand grip onto the table. I wanted to stop him but I was paralyzed, unable to move in fear of being hit by accident again.

"Oliver, dammit," my brother had tried, not daring to move from his seat -mostly in fear that he'd end up like Phoenix.

I could see Ceaser's lips move but I couldn't make out the words that he'd let fall off his tongue. I couldn't make out the words that had Oliver pushing Ceaser onto the table and beating his face like his life depended on it.

I was just trying to comprehend what was going on, it was as if I were paralyzed when Jan started trying to break it up. I could see Ceaser's blood running from his nose as Oliver wouldn't let up.

I could see Ceaser land a punch at Oliver's face and I could see when Oliver stumbled a little, slipping up. And in that time, Ceaser could land a swift hit to his stomach.

I could see everything but I couldn't move, I could barely breathe seeing all the blood and the relentlessness and hearing my best friend screaming to the top of his lungs for it to stop.

"Oliver!" Elliot had yelled, finally trying to stop the fight when his brother had Ceaser pinned to the ground, aiming for his face and never missing. The lineom floors were covered in red, Ceaser's hair matted with blood as the boy on top of his wouldn't let up with smashing into his face.

And again he wasn't even staring at Ceaser, his face was blank.

"Oliver, fucking stop!" Elliot had yelled again, getting into the fight that no one would dare to step into. It was worse than the first time, it was worse and I could hear people frantically calling the police and the administrators and I could see people trying to yank Oliver off, shying away when he wouldn't stop.

But Elliot wasn't afraid, pulling at Oliver's torso as hard as he could, Oliver being yanked slightly away. And for a second, everything went silent, Oliver whipping around, his fist connecting with Elliot's face.

The regret in Oliver's eyes was quick to form, his eyes returning back to the mossy-grey-green color as he stared at his brother and the bruise forming on his cheek.

"Eli..."

For a second, I thought it'd be fine, hope being crushed when Elliot took a step back and brought a shaky hand to clutch his cheek, "you hit me."

"Eli... E-Elliot, I-I didn't mean to-" Oliver started, stepping forward in a stammer and out the corner of my eye, I could see people trying to help Ceaser stand as the boy in question coughed up blood.

Elliot was yelling, screaming as tears streamed down his face, "No! Get the fuck away from me! You're just like him, you're a monster!" He'd screamed, Oliver visibly flinching at his tone.

"Elliot..." he trailed off, voice breaking as he stood grounded as if he were afraid that he'd hurt someone. He pulled his arms closer together, something I'd interpreted as an action that he'd do when he was closing himself off. He felt dangerous and he felt like a nuisance.

And the next words out of Elliot's mouth had Oliver in tears, "I hate you!"

That was when Oliver was arrested.

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I couldn't sleep for two nights straight.

The date was long forgotten when Oliver was taken into police custody and I hadn't spoken to him since the Thursday.

It was the following Saturday when Sidney, Jan, and Kat had all spent the night over. Of course Jan had to sleep in Jackson's room because my parents didn't fully trust that he was gay but I let it slide.

It was early Sunday morning, after skipping church that morning due to accidentally sleeping in because of staying up late the previous day, I'd realized the missing girl in my room. Katalina was spread out across me, sleeping peacefully but there was a missing presence beside me. Sidney wasn't there.

Padding through my room and going to brush my teeth, I expected my long-haired friend to be making herself something in the kitchen but when I'd caught a glimpse of my cracked bathroom door, my throat closed up.

Sitting on the floor was Sidney, cradling Jan's arm as she pressed a rag to it, "You said you wouldn't do this anymore," I couldn't see her tear streaks but I could hear the pain in her voice, the sobs that encased themselves in every single word.

"Sidney, please stop," he was trying to yank away from her, his blue eyes staring at the ground, all color drained from his face. January wasn't happy, his hair pressing flat on top of his head, circles under his eyes and his voice was dead.

It was like he was depleted of all energy.

You know that feeling where you can't believe what you're seeing? You don't want to believe it and you won't until you see it with your own eyes... That was how I felt, staring through the crack in the door at my best friend with red pouring from slashed skin.

And I was praying- just praying that it wasn't what I thought it was- that the tag she was holding on his porcelain skin was made red. Please, God, don't let it be blood.

Sidney's breath hitched, my eyes glazing overhaul tears when she raised her shaky voice, kicking at an object on the floor, "No, Jan, you fucking promised me!"

I could see the emptiness in his eyes -something that broke me to the core- and I wished I'd never seen it, "It's hard, okay? You don't understand how it feels, Sid..." He was emotionless, "It hurts so much, I can't count how many times I stopped myself from..." Trailing off, he rested his head in his hands, a large sigh heaving from his shaking body as Sidney scooted closer, breath coming out sharp and jagged as if she were trying to calm down.

She knew what he needed, she knew he did this, she fucking knew and I was left in the dark wondering how long this had been happening. I was sobbing but I couldn't let out a sound, silently feeling my heart break with every fucking sound. I could feel what Sidney was feeling, I could feel it in my bones. My thoughts became a jumbled mess, my tears started to suffocate me.

"You were thinking about that again?" I could hear her soft whisper as she held him, pressing a light kiss to his forehead.

"It's all I think about."

"I-I love you, I love you so much, Janny... We all love you: Kat, me, Em, Jackson, Rodney... we all fucking love you," she was clutching his shirt as if he were the strong one and in that moment, it seemed like he was, "you're my best friend, I can't lose you."

"I'm trying not to let that happen."

That was when I felt myself press my back to the wall beside he bathroom, sliding down and sinking to the floor. It hurt, it hurt so bad and I could feel my heart constricting. I wasn't fully aware of when they'd exited the bathroom or when January had gotten to my side, trying to force me to look into his eyes.

I wasn't aware of the tears hitting my knees or the shaking of my body. It was like being unconscious except I could see and I could feel it and I just wished I couldn't. I wanted it to stop, I wanted Sidney to stop stroking my hair and I wanted Kat to stop asking what was wrong when she's finally joined us. I'd wanted Jackson to stop calling for mom and I wanted the dead look in January's eyes to not exist.

I just wanted to not exist because January wanted to kill himself and that ironically almost killed me.