✧✧

|You kill me with your words

❝She is drowning, but no one saw her struggle❞

✧her room is all she has for company. From the moment the girl came from the doctor, she didn't waste any time but to run into her room, close the door and break down into heavy crying. She cries her heart out, yet no one hears her, they don't see her and don't want to. Her body feels dirty and she's ashamed of it. For the first time, she hates to look at herself, she's disgusting in her own eyes. The darkness is good to hide everything that we don't want to be seen, but as soon as the light comes, and the darkest gets chased away, everything we tried to hide is visible for the world to see.

Her face stained with tears, her eyes red and puffy and show only sadness. The whole night, she stayed awake. Afraid to sleep. The darkness doesn't frighten her, there are far more dangerous things than the darkness. She doesn't move, afraid to even move the disgust she has as her body. She's been used and thrown like a dirty rag, perhaps she is a dirty rag that everyone uses and then throws is away after they're done with her. The tears just don't stop coming, she can't stop them. A aching headache has taken a hold of her since she's been crying so much.

She doesn't know for how long she stayed like that, on the ground of her room, crying on the floor, crying like there's no tomorrow. Finally she makes a move and stands up, she goes into the bathroom and strips herself of the clothes she was in. She doesn't look into the mirror, afraid to look at herself, and see the person she has become. She wouldn't recognize herself if she were to look. Turning on the water of the bathtub, she sits in the tub and allows it to fill up while she sits there.

She sits there, alone with her thoughts until the water become cold, and her body begins to shiver violently. Standing up, she pulls the plug and allows the water to wash down the drain, with all her filth. Turning on the shower, she takes a soap and washes her body, washes away all the dirt she feels is on her, when in reality there is none. Turning off the shower, she wraps her body in a towel, just doesn't even look at it, she doesn't want to look at her own body. She's come to loath it after what he did to her. She can till feel him touching her, hurting her, the pain is still fresh in her mind. As it should, it occurred only few hours ago and something like that doesn't wash away from the mind like the water going down the drain.

Those memories will stay with her forever, she will never be able to forget. That girl won't get the chance to speak about it, she won't be able to tell anyone what happened to her. Perhaps that's why she's such an easy victim. Drying off her body, she goes naked into her room and goes into a pair of clothes, though they are ripped and covered in holes, she deals with it. Her parents have never cared for her, but they allow her to have a room for herself, though that could only be because they don't want to see her. And, they give her clothes and food. She's grateful, she does care for her parents. They are the only people she's ever cared for, and deep down, she believes they care for her. Even when their minds or words don't.

After all the pain that they've put her through, she can't hate them. They are her parents, they are the ones who gave her life and she cares for them. With her black curls wet, she lies back down on the floor, putting the towel under her head so the wooden floor doesn't get ruined by the water that falls from her hair. Like before, she lies in the darkness and lets the tears fall down. They come and come and keep coming, she doesn't care. She's just grateful that no one is here. She'd want to hug someone, yet the humiliation of someone watching her cry is too much. She's embarrassed of what happened to her.

She is embarrassed of what he did to her and how she allowed him. It didn't matter how much she tried to push him away from her, she couldn't. It only treated more pain in her body, until she couldn't even move. The pain was so great that she couldn't move any limp and all she could do was cry while he used her in ways that a woman should never be used by anyone. The silence breaks when she hears the front door open and the drunk laugh of her mother comes to her ears. Her parents are loud and she hears them knock down some furniture, as she knows already that they're drunk.

In the room beside hers is their bedroom and she hears them laughing and then their bed makes a noise, and then silence. Only their snores fill the apartment with noise, as her parents are fast asleep. Barely even made it into the apartment before they were out. She closes her eyes and tries to think of anything else. However, when her eyes are closed, she can see everything of what happened. Her mind still remember, and she hates it. Two hours pass and she continues to try to sleep. Her body's tired and her mind is tired. She doesn't want to be awake, she wants to sleep. Sleep can become good for her, when she's asleep and there are no nightmares, there will be no pain. Nothing that can hurt her and it may only last for a few hours, but she likes it when there's no pain. It took a lot but finally she found sleep.