I apologize for leaving you guys on such a long cliff-hanger! You know, global pandemic and all...I hope you guys are all doing well and keeping safe. If you ever want to talk please message me, I am always here for you. Okay let's goooo...

Chapter 42:

Camila felt every muscle in her body tense before a frigid feeling rippled through her. Her heart was beating fast yet she felt so cold.

Her first reaction was to assume it was a lie, but then as soon as he had uttered the words, the wheels had begun to turn in her mind and everything began to click into place.

Things had begun to make sense in a way they never had with Taine. The photo, the secretive visits, the way he would shut off when she asked about his family or his childhood.

"Explain." Was all she could manage to say. The room had begun to spin.

"Camila are you sure you don't want to lie down."

She closed her eyes again and took a deep breath. Her head felt light.

She tried getting up from the chair but her limbs had turned soft and pliable.

"When did you last eat Camila?"

She didn't answer.

Taine was concerned now, he tried to pick her up but she refused.

"Why?" She whispered.

She hadn't even realised she had started crying until she saw her tears fall onto Taine's hands. Shock replaced itself with emptiness.

"Why did you lie?"

"Why did you make me fall in love with you?"

The words hung in the air. Heavy.

She had begun to sob.

She cried for her broken heart. She cried for her family. She cried for the lies, deceit and pain, but most of all she cried for the boy who lived his life in the shadow of a ghost

---

Hands were now clutching hers with a desperation that clawed at her heart. Hand's that now belonged to a different man.

"I can explain later, maybe you should rest Mila..."

Her closed eyes now snapped open and stared into his. "Now." She snarled.

Her expression remained unwavering while she studied his face. She looked deep into his eyes and saw for the first time saw, fear.

Not worry, irritation or coldness, but true fear. Unbridled and raw.

Camila thought she had known his fear when she had left, but now staring it in the face she realised that it wasn't even close.

Taine inhaled deeply and placed his head on her lap. It was the most submissive position a wolf could take, bearing its neck to another. An Alpha wouldn't usually dare.

He looked so helpless and fragile. Her heart panged.

Camila placed her hand on the space between his shoulder blades. She felt his back rise and fall. He closed his eyes and she saw the relief on his face just from her touch.

"My father had a lot of enemies."

Camila's mind flashed back to almost 17 years prior. Alpha Darian was a household name of terror. When she was younger, earlier than when her parents died a few members of the pack had led an assassination attempt on his life. None of them had returned... A few weeks later a rancid smelling package had arrived on her parent's doorstep. She never did figure out what it was, but she often thought back to that moment over the years and wished somehow they had succeeded. He had many enemies and that day she became one of them.

"I don't understand why he wanted children." Taine continued. "He was far too focussed on tearing his way through packs, building an empire and starting civil wars...Not exactly a family man. I think I was a consolation prize for my mother. Something she could hold and love while my father was off slitting throats."

Camila winced at his poor choice of words but didn't let him see her face.

"I let her forget the ugly parts of her mate. She'd tell me I was everything good about him. His bravery, his determination."

"Well, you do look just like him." She whispered.

"I know I do."

"Every night she told me stories about him, glorified him to the point where I thought he was the most heroic man in the world. I didn't realise the stories were more for her sake than my own...While my father did do all those things, liberated people, created new packs, overthrew rebels...She didn't mention the lives he destroyed and the desolation he left behind in his wake...people like you.."

Taine readjusted himself so that he was now holding her hands again, but he refused to meet her eyes.

"He would only visit every few months and even as a child I would wonder why the myth didn't seem to match the man. I practically worshipped the ground he walked on, but when he came into the room, people didn't admire him, they feared him, even my mother. And so I began to see fear as respect and respect as power. Which is something I can't help but default to. It's all I have known...It's in my blood"

"Did he...Did he ever..."

Camila couldn't even bring herself to say the words.

"He never laid a hand on me, Camila. Or my mother. And while that doesn't mean much, he was still my father."

She didn't like the fact that Taine was defensive. She didn't like it but she understood it. Her parents were the opposite, rebels. The butt of many jokes by other packs and the ones who suffered most in battles, but it didn't change the fact that their blood ran through her veins.

"And your brother...Taine?" She had said his name to make it more real, but the words felt thick foreign and uncomfortable as soon as they left her lips

He looked at her warily. "I'll get to that."

"My parent's were not true mates."

her eyebrows raised in surprise.

"When he was young, he was advised to have a Luna, to portray a stronger front to his enemies. He didn't care much for love. He got girls from all the neighbouring packs to line up and he picked one 'whose face offended him the least.' It was always about strategy, never love."

Camila looked at him disbelievingly.

"His words not mine." He shrugged.

"My mother was a Beta's daughter and so his choice was no accident. After he had marked her the Alpha of her pack was found dead. That Alpha has no heirs and so my father now had two packs. It was all a game of monopoly to him. A year later I was born."

"My father met me for the first time when I was five months old after taking over another three packs. According to my mother, when he looked at me it was the first time she saw any emotion in his eyes. He said that one day I was to follow in his footsteps but until then I needed to be protected, no matter the cost. My mother wanted to stay in her home pack and so he humoured her for a few more months."

Taine paused for a moment. She squeezed his hand, "It's okay." She could tell this was the first time he had ever told anyone his story. She smiled at him and tried to be reassuring. He couldn't stop now, she needed more.

"There was an attempt to kill me. I was stolen out of my crib and used as a ransom."

Taine turned his head and moved his hair with his hand so she could see the hidden scar behind his ears.

"They cut it off and sent it to my father. Needless to say, he was not happy. He killed two-hundred men to get to me.That was the last night I ever spent in my birth pack and the last time my mother ever challenged my father. He blamed her for the whole thing and she blamed herself too.."

Her heart began to beat wildly. She prayed it wasn't her pack. He read her expression, "It wasn't your birth-pack. And it's okay, thanks to the alpha blood and a good doctor, it healed."

She simply nodded and waited for him to continue.

So we moved to a quieter pack, that was too afraid of my father to cross him. A few years later, my brother was born. My brother was born. He had blonde hair and green eyes."

He waited for Camila to catch what he was implying.

The photo flashed through her mind. Where he had initially assumed the boys were friends, not brothers."Wait. You think..."

"My mother will go to her grave without admitting it." He said distastefully. "But all I can remember is her being the happiest I'd ever seen her for a brief transient time, and then she returned back to normal. I suspect she must have found her true mate but he was too scared to stick around."

"How did your father react?" Camila was afraid of the answer.

"I was too young to remember anything much. But he actually cared for us both. Looking back I admired him for that, because if it were me...I don't know what I'd do. We were both his sons, but he always put more pressure on me, as the oldest son. He often compared my brother to me. Which Taine didn't like. On the other hand, he was my mothers favourite. And nobody dared to comment on his looks to my father...They would have disappeared by the next sunset. And even though I don't know for sure...my brother and I were always different."

"He never wanted to hear about my father's battle stories. Never wanted to be an Alpha. I saw my father's conquests as valiant and heroic, while my brother thought they were repetitive and disgusting...I loved my brother but we were polar opposites. He was far too mischievous and playful in comparison. And I had the weight of three packs in my future...I just could never be as free as he was."

"I think he and I would get along." She whispered.

He smiled sadly, "Yes, I think so."

"When we were asked what we wanted to do when we became wolves, I would say to be just like my dad and his response was to be a writer."

Taine scoffed, "Can you imagine the son of Alpha Darian becoming a writer?"

"I was the only one that knew. If my father found out I don't know what would have happened."

"My father never taught us how to ride bikes, Barbeque or how to treat a mate. He taught us how to kill a slit a man's throat in the most painless way possible...and the most painful. His definition of important life skills."

"I wonder what technique he used on my family," Camila said dryly.

Taine looked at her, hurt. "I'm sorry," she said leaning her forehead against his.

"I know this is really hard for you. Please keep going."He waited a long time before he started talking again.

"I know I'll never be able to do or say anything that will take away the pain of what he did Mila. I don't know what I can do."

"This." She placed her hands on his cheek. "This is what I want. I just want the truth."

He took a deep breath and continued. "Throughout my life, I felt like my family had targets on their heads. Though nothing ever touched us again, it hung over us like a looming death sentence. I realised that my father was getting older and more fearful...distrustful. He had reason to be, but he was heading down the path of paranoia."

He spoke like he had a bitter taste in his mouth. "I remember him sleeping on the couch and me playing near him. I must have been only ten or twelve. I dropped something, accidentally waking him up and he immediately went into attack mode. He almost hurt me. It was the first time I had felt the fear that every other wolf had, and for the first time I actually questioned if I wanted to be like him."

Camila listened intently. Despite the nature of what he was saying, In all the time she had known him he had never talked this much or this freely. His past must have been a burden weighing on him. All she could do in that moment was lap up every spoken word that she had coveted and begged for all this time.

"Another night, my father was home for the week, I heard yelling from upstairs and my mother crying...He had taken a lot of lives and even though he didn't outwardly show it, they stayed with him. The blood stayed on his hands and it had started to take its toll. He coped by taking it out on my mother, verbally...And even though I know she could have, she didn't even try to stand up for herself. She just took it. I think she felt like she deserved it, didn't deserve happiness. She had never forgiven herself for what happened to me and a part of it must have been my brother parentage."

"She was and still is a weak person. And so insecure. And my father made her that way...And you..."

Camila knew what he was saying. If it could happen to his mother by his father's hand it could happen to her. He revered his father but was also afraid of becoming him.

"Taine and I tried to convince her countless times to run away. To leave. We were both adults by this point and would be okay without her, but she refused. I was young, naïve and I still harboured too much affection towards my father. He was only returning a few times a year and as long as we were home we managed to control the situation. And if need be, we were strong enough to physically overpower him, at least that's what we told ourselves..."

Camila's heart fell to the pit of her stomach. She dreaded what was coming next.

"He wanted to make us Alphas of a few pack districts each. That was the plan. Even though I knew my brother wanted nothing to do with it, he still didn't want to disappoint my father. He had grand ideas of changing things, creating a democracy..."

He sounded like a rebel, like her parent's, Camila thought.

"He had been hanging around with the wrong groups of people, letting people who knew his position and desire for change whisper dangerous things in his ears. And ultimately it was to his detriment. We both knew that despite his delusions, my father intended on letting us rule from under his thumb as long as he was alive. I was fine with it. Taine was not."

He had raised his voice without realising,"We are werewolves, not people Camila. I don't know why that's so hard for some to understand. We are made to be in a pack. Made to be ruled and lead by an Alpha. I loved my brother but at the best of times he could be a fucking hippie."

"Can you imagine if we just let werewolves reign free?" He asked her.

"I agree with you. Packs work, without them, there would be anarchy. The extinction of humans...but still, your father was a tyrant. For a lot of people him being dead was enough."

"He was, but he was also getting older. Easier to kill, and he knew it too. If my brother had just waited a few more years, or I had just been able to talk some sense into him..." He trailed off.

"Anyway. My father came home that week with the sole intention of taking my brother to start his position as Alpha. The previous Alpha had died. Of natural causes," Taine added. "And the even though he was younger, it was a small pack to start off with and my father deemed him ready."

"How old was he?" Camila asked.

"Only nineteen," Taine said, turning sombre.

"That whole week the family was on edge. It was the first time my father was home in ten months. I had returned home to travel with them and so that I could be with my mother. I was unaffected but there was tension in the air and I was oblivious to most of it, thinking it was just my father in one of his moods again...but the night before they were set to leave... That's when everything fell apart."

Taine was quiet for a few minutes. Camila was afraid he was going to shut down again, return to his default position. But when she saw unshed tears in his eyes she knew that he was about to enter into a dark, painful place. And instead of running this time, she was going to face the darkness with him.

She slid off the chair and wrapped her arms around his neck. As if breaking his brick exterior, even more, he engulfed her with his arms.

He broke the hug to look into her eyes. Emotion swirled in them.

"Thank you."

"Thank you for listening," he continued. "Nobody has ever just listened to me before. Not like this."

"The first time I saw you Mila...everything changed. I just wanted to have you, possess you, and I genuinely didn't care how you felt about it..or me...I treated you like my father treated pack territory. And when you refused to come with me, made me mad and didn't give me what I wanted...I snapped and I didn't realise it was him coming through me until it was almost too late."

"I actually wished that you were like my mother, weaker and more subservient, but then I realised you were the challenge that I needed. And your love wasn't something I could just take, it was something I had to earn. I just never knew how to act around a mate, because it's not like my parents had a healthy relationship."

Camila could feel her heartbreaking. Taine had never known the relief and joy of someone being there to listen, knowing someone cared.

She couldn't help herself. She placed her hands in his hair and kissed him. Deeply and passionately. It felt like the first time, like the beginning of something. It had been so long she had forgotten what his lips felt like against hers. The taste of them, the way they claimed her and made her forget her own name...

She could feel her fingers itching to reach under his shirt but she knew she needed to summon her wavering self-control. Before she lost herself completely she broke the kiss and rested her head on his shoulder. "Now I know why you don't like it when I kiss your ears."

Breathlessly he whispered. "Now you know."

He ran the pads of his fingers up and down her spine and she was so close to giving into his touch again, after being without it for so long. She grabbed his hands from behind her and placed them in the space between them.

"Keep going. I need to know everything."

He nodded and cleared his throat before continuing.

"Like I said, he never hit my mother. But that night it must have been different, he must have come close...because I don't understand how else my brother would have reached the point he did..."

He looked at her with a pained expression. "I heard shouting and crying and so I ran upstairs to find my mother huddled in the corner sobbing and my dad and brother in a standoff. The way he looked at him Mila... I had never seen him look so angry. As I walked in I heard my he say that he would refuse the Alpha position, side with his enemies...something like that."

Taine broke the story to explain further, "It's not that I didn't also encourage my mother to leave. But the difference was that I wanted to wait it out, wait until we had our own packs where our mother could stay with us, but Taine was always so reactive. I wish he just kept his emotions in check for a little bit longer..."

"My father responded by saying, 'you don't think I don't know about your rendezvous with my enemies? You don't think I don't keep tabs on you? I didn't think my own son would be a threat to me."

Camila's hand rose to her face in shock. It trembled.

"My brother said that he never wanted to be an Alpha anyway and that from that day forward my father had one less son. As he left he told my mother to come with him but she refused."

He shook his head in disappointment. "After all of that she still refused to leave...And my father...He looked like he had just been shot. I think it killed him. The paranoia and the fact that his son had just walked away from the empire he had spilled so much blood to create. And I wish I had chosen differently, but I still thought I could repair things if I stayed with on my father side. I knew that being impulsive wasn't going to do me good... Afterall I had more to lose."

"Taine did you father...Did he...Was the one who?"

"No. I know what you're thinking but no. He didn't kill my brother."

"Are you sure?" she asked nervously.

"I know he didn't."

"How?"