Remember: TRIGGER WARNING! SELF-HARMING! IF YOU'RE EASILLY TRIGGERED; DO NOT READ!!!! I DO NOT WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR SELF-HARMING THAT MIGHT OCCUR, THIS WAS A REQUEST AND I'M DOING IT!!! IF YOU'RE NOT SURE IF YOU CAN HANDLE THIS; DO NOT READ! YOU HAVE TO BE 100% SURE THAT YOU CAN HANDLE THE CONTENT THAT WILL FOLLOW THIS WARNING, THANKS FOR READING AND SORRY FOR SLOW UPDATE.

You hug yourself as tears fall down your cheeks. You mutter words to yourself -why me? why couldn't it be someone else? what did I do to deserve this!?- you sob heavily and summon your kagune, and stab yourself repeatedly, blood splashing all over the walls and the floor. Your salty tears mix with your blood, you feel yourself growing weak before hearing a distant voice calling out for you.

*

Your eyes flutter open and the light blinds you. You blink rapidly to get used to the blinding light, you scan the room and recognize it as Kaneki's. "You're awake!" you're pulled into an embrace and you quickly hug him back "Why...?" he asks and look into you eyes. You look down, a tear falling down your cheek which is dried by Kaneki's thumb "I-I... I remembered terrible things from the past that I haven't thought about in years... It just suddenly struck me and depression started kicking in, I'm sorry!" you sob and he frown before hugging you tightly "Never do this to yourself ever again!" Kaneki mutters. You spent the rest of the day explaining your past to Kaneki...

You stumble in the door and scurry towards the bathroom, you sit down by the toilet and shove two fingers down your throat. You feel your earlier meals being forced up your throat and hear it splashing down in the bowl. You stumble to the drawer under the sink and nearly rip it open and you search for the metal blade. When you finally find it you quickly draw lines over your wrists with it and see the blood oozing out and falling onto the blank tiles. It didn't take long for the door to be ripped open by no other than your beloved boyfriend whom in shock hurry to you and hug you. "Stop it" is all he manage to say from all the shock "I don't know how!" You reply, tears falling down your cheek and onto his jacket. "Neither do I, but it doesn't hurt to try?" He mumbles into the crook of your neck "I'll try, I-I promise" you say and hug him back "why?" He asks and you tell him about the difficulties you're been through.

You lay in your bed, fighting back tears. You lay curled up in a ball and hug your knees as silent sobs escape your lips "No..." you mutter to yourself "Not today! Just..." you try to fight yourself but end up losing and you grab the quinque you once stole from an investigator that rests in the top drawer. You drag the blade of the dagger-shaped quinque across your arm and let the crimson blood drip down your arm and onto the white sheets on your bed. The door swings open and Ayato stands there in pure shock "What the fuck are you doing!?" He growls and stomps over to you, grabbing the dagger and throw it into the wall and kiss you roughly "Why the fuck are you doing that shit to yourself!?" He asks and you sniffle before stuttering out your reasons.

You giggle to yourself as you gently drag the tiny piece of metal across your skin, drawing blood. You try spelling your own name in tiny cuts on your wrists. The blood is what you find so amuzing about the whole thing. Moments later Juuzou skips into the room and gasps as he sees you on the floor writing names and words on your body with a sharp blade "Ne, (Y/N)-chan I know of a better way that will look even better!" Your curiosity was now sparked and you looked up at him, a bright smile painted onto your features as you get up and hug Juuzou "Show me!" You exclaim and a grin spreads across his face as he shows you how to stitch your skin with a (F/C) thread.

You stumble into your apartment and let the tears you were holding in go, your body tremble as you fall onto your couch hugging yourself trying to calm down. You try to resist the urge, but you give in and shuffle into the kitchen and search your drawers for the sharp object. You find it rather quickly and you draw lines of oozing blood across your shaking wrists. You hear the door open and a voice calls "Hey... (Y/N) what are you doing?!" You throw the blade into the drawer and try to cover up your newly cut wrists "Shit..." you mumble and hide your arm behind your back as Nishiki enters the small kitchen. He eyes you up and down and sighs "(Y/N) hold your arms out" he says gently and you look away in shame before putting your wrists out for him to see your bloody arms "just... tell me what happened...?" He coos and you sigh before telling him everything.

Finally you were alone, Amon had just left and you pull out the shard you once found that must've been after a ghoul have been attacked or a ghoul that were hunting. You place the blade on your wrist and slowly slide it across your wrist. You wince slightely from the pain, but for some aud reason you found the pain comforting and you keep going and create more cuts. "Hey, I for..." a rather shocked Amon stops mid-sentence as he sees you drawing a kagune shard across your wrist "I-I... uh. .. I'm sorry!" You mumble softly and put your head down in shame "No, don't be. Let's just... talk about it" he says softly and you nod your head before spilling out the pain you've kept hidden from the outside of your thoughts.

The moment you pull out the knife, Yomo kicks the door down and snatch it out of your hand and slams it onto the kitchen bench and kiss you roughly yet gently... It made you forget about why you were going to do it, until he asks you why and you explain it to him and actually gets a sympathetic smile from him.

Uta had left you to take care of the shop for a few hours, today was a rather quiet day and there wasn't much to do. You get a text from Uta whom is asking you to close the shop, and of course; that's what you do! You've been really down lately, and the fact that Uta has been distant lately did not help! On your way home you can't help but letting depression get to you, all your thoughts turn dark and you feel like there's a cloud over your head. The moment you step into your home you break down in tears. You can't stop yourself and you summon your kagune and let the shards from the (F/C) wings stab your frame. That is until a door opens and Uta drops everything in his hands. "(Y/N)!?" He exclaims and hold you in his hands. He hugs you close and for the first time ever, you see a tear fall down his pale cheek. You smile at him, your cheeks wet from your own tears "i-it's o-o-oka..." "No it's not! Why!?" Uta shouts, making you flinch "sorry..." you mumble and his grip around you just tighten "just tell me why..." he whispers and kiss your cheeks and you tell him everything.

Tsukiyama:

You're not known to be emotional, you rarely shows what you truly feel... Which may be why you feel so depressed...For some aud reason you just can't bring yourself to show your true emotions. You swallow the lump in your throat and for the first time in forever you let the sadness come to you and a tear slowly falls down your cheek. You scratch your (s/c-skin color) face and start sobbing quietly. The silence is killing you slowly and your sobs grow louder as you hit the floor and hiss at the pain which is rather comforting though... You start harming yourself in any way possible, feeling the satisfaction from the pain. "what on earth are you doing (y/n)!?" A familiar voice asks loudly and you look up at Tsukiyama with tears falling onto the hard, wooden floor "I-I don't k-know..." you mumble and bite your lower lip, not sure what to do in this type of situation. "My, why didn't you tell me you were this down, I would've brought something to eat!" Tsukiyama exclaim and scurry over to you and hug you tightly "tell me; who's going to be my next meal?" He coos and you giggle softly and sniffle, you wipe your red, puffy eyes with your hand and explain everything to Tsukiyama while he sooths you, and every time you begin to tear up he shoosh paps you and whisper sweet nothings into your ear.