Cancer

"Now, the formula for this problem is fairly self-explanatory, but hard to remember, so pay close attention..."

I sighed, turning toward my textbook. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't think of anyone or anything but Scorpio and how much my heart yearned for him. Whilst these new feelings confused me, they were sure, certain, unmistakable. I was in love with Scorpio, and I knew that he would never feel the same way. Something inside me-perhaps the so-called soul-ached for Scorpio's love. Prayed for his undying affections. Begged and pleaded for all of him, strings attached. I thought instinctively of Libra, who seemed to have completely let go of him. She was a scared little girl-too scared to accept that Scorpio was damaged goods, and so was she. Didn't the guilt of dumping a comatose boy claw at her flawless skin? Didn't her conscience eat away at those perfectly manicured nails?

Why didn't she care?

"...that's all for today, class! And, Mr. Chang, before you leave, please come see me." I nodded, walking up to Ms. Young. "What's the matter?" I asked, managing to level my tone. Ms. Young looked startlingly concerned, taking my hand in hers. "Cancer, I know something's wrong. And I know you're bottling up all those emotions about that something, and it's going to end up hurting you even more. So I'm referring you to the school counselor." I frowned, withdrawing my hand and taking a few steps back. "I'm not seeing a shrink." Ms Young shook her head and spread her hands, handing me a form.

"I'm sorry, but you'll be going next Monday, like it or not."

I rolled my eyes, throwing the note in the bin and walking out of the classroom... when I ran headfirst into Aquarius, Pisces and Gemini.

Pisces was the first to speak.

"Cancer... we need to talk."

.....

"We found this letter to Scorpio, Cancer." Gemini held out my note, and I curled into myself, horrified. My expression of dismay caused Aquarius to reach out with both her hands. I backed away even further, watching her face fall. "Cancer, we totally support you; we just want to know how you're holding up," Pisces added urgently. I shook my head at them, disgusted, before backing toward the door of the janitor's closet. "So first you read a letter that was meant to kept in strict confidence between Scorpio and I, and then you have the audacity to interrogate me about my feelings?" Aquarius looked genuinely hurt by this statement, but I went on, unfazed. "You say you want to support me, but you're just here because you want answers. Not because you want to help me through this."

Pisces frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "Cancer, that's not fair-"

"I'm not done! You're just here for the next piece of gossip. You want to turn what I feel for him into a school-wide drama, don't you?"

"Okay, calm down, redhead, we can talk about this-"

"What are you even doing here, Gemini? And no, there is no talking about this, because the more I say, the more you spill."

"Cancer, we don't want to gossip, we're your-"

"If you were about to say friends, Aquarius, forget it. We are not friends, because friends don't take advantage of each other like this. They don't invade each other's privacy. And they sure as hell don't interrogate each other."

"Cancer, please-"

"Seriously, some friends you are," I spat, before storming out of the janitor's closet. Teary-eyed, I ran out of the school boundaries, my feet carrying me toward the scrapyard, where his bike came into view. Donning his helmet, I felt the perpetual hum of the engine beneath my feet, and with a surge of speed, I burst it out of the junkyard, taking Scorpio's bike-and his spirit-out onto the open road.

.....

The wing tangled with my hair, teasing and ruffling it like a long-gone sibling. The roar of the engine kept me going, pushed me through, as the hazy champagne sunset cast a dappled, golden, sun-kissed glow over everything within its reach. I was out on the freeway, gliding on the back of the bike, my phone, the helmet and all my worries thrown into a nearby dam. Life was fun like this-I could understand why Scorpio loved losing control.

When I hadn't quite understood my feelings for Scorpio, I remembered envying what he had with Libra. I wanted what Scorpio had-a life that was finally coming together, and a beautiful, clever and empowered girlfriend hellbent on keeping things that way. That was how I felt until I realised that I what I really wanted was Scorpio himself. The thing was, I knew that someone like him wouldn't be good for me. Even comatose, this boy was managing to wreak havoc over my brain. Scorpio was as broken as they came, and that was at his best. At his worst, Scorpio was unfathomably insane, manic, psychotic. Whatever label was put on it would work. But, somehow, it was the worst of him that drew me in. The appeal of his danger, the promise of exhilarating adventure... it attracted me to him.

And now here I was, on the back of his bike, riding to God knows where.

Here I was, watching as clouds closed over the pitch-black sky, bringing with it a storm of epic proportions.

Here I was, skidding across the road slick with the spray from the nearby sea, losing control of the bike until I went over the edge, the promise of a watery death below.

And here I was, watching as the world slowly faded to black as I drifted toward the bottom of the ocean.