I'm disappearing and I'm screaming and I shouldn't know I'm dreaming,

I'm alright, I'm always alright.

I get too caught up in emotions that I can't seem to get,

But they get to my head, they stay in my head.

And I wish I could be just like you, strong and brave, not fucked up and screwed.

I'm not sorry, I'm not gonna go to waste, I'm not sorry, I'm digging my own grave.

I know I'm ill, insane, poisoned or cursed,

I wish I wasn't, but I'm always at my worst.

I can't seem to stop thinking you don't need me,

And I know you wish I could just let it be.

And I wish too, I wish I wasn't me,

But I can't let it be, I can't let them be.

These thoughts,

Ripping through my brain,

Leaving me in pain,

To scream and cry in vain,

Cause you're all I ever wanted to be.

I wish I made them laugh, not cry,

I wish I wouldn't need to lie,

When they ask me the day when I last tore my thighs.

I wish they wouldn't need to hear,

From my doctor that she's in fear,

Cause I keep losing weight, cause I keep throwing up and I stop eating up and I can't fucking stop.

Cause the pain feels addicting,

And the blood just keeps dripping,

Tearing flesh, cutting bone, leaving me all alone,

Til they find my dead corpse, they will find my red corpse.

Alone.

June 21st 2022