I wish I was pop music and staying on rooftops at night while making out with random strangers or flirting with your best friend,

I wish I was that one guy who wears cool clothes and has a large friendgroup that loves him,

I wish I was the popular, confident and funny teen who always talks back to the teacher and tells mildly controversial jokes in class,

I wish I was smoking, yelling lyrics of trashy rap songs in the streets, climbing over fences to get to abandoned buildings and get drunk in some corner.

I wish I was that type of teenager,

But I'm not.

I'm just a nerd who likes cheap fantasy RPGs, old metal music and ripped clothes,

I'm the guy in the middle of the classroom who's always quiet and leans on the wall with his entire bodyweight cause he hasn't slept all night, too busy reading his favorite new book,

I'm the type who has grown out 3$ dye in his hair that's half gone, showing my almost black roots when I put it in a man bun 90% of the time at home,

I'm the person who sees a pretty tree or field and takes pictures of it to paint it in my sketchbook later, I'm the type who still loves to go to playgrounds to swing and climb around,

I'm the writing shitty poems on my notes app and 4am vents on my private whatsapp group, I'm the type who overshares about my special interests in my story that only 3 people can see, but never respond to,

I'm him who loves to do sports even though it triggers his asmtha, I'm who

lays down or walks around barefoot in our garden to feel the earth under my feet,

I'm the witch who worships daemons and cries when doing shadow work and working on his childhood trauma,

I'm the mood swing, personality disordered, people pleaser who loves to do makeup but not on myself,

I'm the reptile lover who's biggest wish is to have a collection of morphs and giant reticulated pythons and boas,

I'm the weird kid who liked fnaf, vocaloid, early deviant art, who got amino and discord way too young and talked to people way too old, who watched furry animation memes, who was hospitalized 5 times in one year because of my EDs, the kid who listened to nightcore and creepypasta and watched yandere simulator and markiplier and kubz scouts and horror gameplays,

I'm just some teen with no close friends who drowns his problems in selfharm, substance abuse or starving myself.

May 21th 2022