It's getting bad again.

I'm supposed to get better,

I'm supposed to be happy,

I'm supposed to act normal,

So why am I feeling this way again?

Why is the never ending feeling of dread coming back?

I was getting better,

I was doing so good.

What happened?

Why are these thoughts coming back?

The bad thoughts.

They were gone for a while,

Well, I guess they weren't really gone,

The pills just pushed them away and hid them in the back of my mind, but that only worked for some time.

But now they're fully back again,

They broke out of the corners of my head.

I promised to stay clean,

I promised to eat,

I promised not to do it.

I can't.

But I have to.

I did it again.

I was supposed to get through this, but I don't know of I actually can.

Am I gonna feel like this forever?

I don't want to be a freak anymore.

I did it again.

I don't know if I can survive this.

Maybe I was born to die,

Maybe there never was a end,

Maybe there never was a getting better,

Maybe it was all just pretend.

Maybe I'll die soon.

If I do,

I'm sorry mother, I'm sorry lover, I'm sorry sibling, I'm sorry world,

For my voice could not be heard.

8th May 2022