time seemed to accelerate, slipping away faster than it had the minute before, and i was still crossed internally, torn between denial and disbelief.

acceptance came slowly, a drop at a time, but my understanding was whole, i knew that the clock wouldn't move any slower for us, and so did mattia, so we knew we needed to make the most of whatever time we had left.

the feeling was almost blissful, mattia and i both knew what was coming, but we never spoke about it, in fact we completely disregarded it, like it wasn't going to happen.

seven days remained ahead of us, a week to pack our entire future into.

i only went home to sleep, i was with him the rest of the time, the guards had decided to give us all the time we wanted and a decent room for our last days together, a token of their sympathy.

we sat cross legged and facing each other on the small bed that had been pushed up against the wall. i was grateful for the upgrade in lighting, marvelling over the ability to actually see mattia properly.

we sat in silence as i touched his face, absorbing the feeling of his butter soft skin, collecting as much of him into my fingertips as possible. my fingers wandered further, venturing along his strong jaw and brushing carefully against his pale pink lips and long, fluffy lashes. i had always loved his eyelashes. i loved the way they would fan out, protecting his majestic brown eyes and the flecks of green that floated around in them. i was going to miss his eyes, and the love that was buried in them. i was going to miss all of him.

a pool of lava sizzled in my core, beginning to rise up my body, making my skin raw and red. my face burned and panic began to grip my organs when my eyesight became cloudy, tears blurring my vision.

i blinked back aggressively, trying my hardest to avoid shattering the fragile energy between us.

one of his hands found a home in mine, and our fingers intertwined automatically.

his other hand was pressed softly against the side of my face, a sense of comfort and familiarity passing through him and into my face.

'you're okay.' he whispered, so quietly that it was almost inaudible, and i was almost instantly fine again, my body working to his commands.

he pulled me into him softly, the gap between us closing so slowly that it was almost unbearable, my desire to feel him growing hotter with every inch that disappeared between our faces, his husky honey pomegranate scent hugging me more and more intensely.

suddenly, his lips were pressed against mine, passion burning so fiercely that no amount of force would be powerful enough to separate us as my lips were crushed into cherry wine beneath his, and i couldn't have been more satisfied.

i felt his heart rate increase, his aggressive pulse beating against his wrist and onto mine as i secured my hand to his tightly, clinging to him dependently as i burrowed my face into his, we were inseparable.

eventually, our lips became numb, and the temptation of going further had become too overwhelming to continue, the unspoken mutual understanding that it would only lead to more pain stopping us.

my arms were snaked around his neck and our foreheads were connected as we leaned on each other for support, i chuckled slightly at the sight of his unusually plump lips as we both tried to catch our breath, his ice mint breath cooling my face.

i leaned back and collapsed languidly onto my end of the bed, and beckoned him to lay on my chest.

he recognized my instruction and followed, curling up adorably against me.

i embraced him closely and crossed my legs around his lower half, feeling the need to protect him, and combing through his silky black hair with my fingers, nearly melting away at the softness of his glossy locks.

'we can talk about this, you know.' he spoke cautiously.

'do you want to?' i asked, after a moment of consideration.

'it's not about me.' he responded.

'in what world would this not be about you?' i said.

'well, i'm not even gonna be here next week.'

'don't talk like that.' i was taken aback by how casually he had said it.

'what? it's true.' he continued nonchalantly.

'mattia, do you not, like, care? you act like this whole thing isn't even a big deal.' i froze, stopping myself from touching his hair anymore, my offended nature evident in my tone.

'of course i care,' he looked up at me, 'it's just too tiring to show it, and i'm already exhausted.'

a silence buzzed between us for a few passing moments, a result of the stillness that had consumed the both of us, the tension becoming palpable.

'is there any part of you that blames me?' i questioned quietly, pulling on a thread that had been keeping me up most nights.

he stared into me for a moment or two, as if trying to figure out whether or not i was being serious.

'y/n, no. i would never ever blame you. my mind has never even been anywhere near a thought like that. all i am is grateful for you, and for the time we've had together.' the confident tone that was strung around each syllable convinced me of his sincerity, but i remained curious.

'but if it wasn't for me, none of this would've happened.' i expressed, almost as if i was actively trying to make him acknowledge that i had a part in his current situation.

'if i'm remembering correctly, i'm the one who convinced you to be with me, so if anything this is all my fault.' he said, sacrificing himself for my benefit once again, however his words rung true to a certain extent.

'hm.' i relaxed slightly.

'they asked me what i want my last meal to be yesterday,' a sad undertone shadowed his speech, 'i'm supposed to write it down and hand it over in a few days.'

'what are you gonna ask for?' it took every ounce of energy in my body to resist the thought of mattia eating a meal knowing it was going to be his last. the thought of him being gone.

'i think i'm gonna ask for waffles.' i felt his mouth extend into a small smirk against my arm.

i smiled, continuing to comb through his hair again.