i gazed at him adoringly as he walked into the room, his aura glowing intensely around him, and there was a mildness around his mouth, almost happiness, which my mind reminded me that i was about to crush.

i remained silent as he sat down on the rusty metal chair across from me.

'no lap dance today?' he whined jokingly, referring to the fact that i'd usually sit in his lap.

i figured i may aswell, maybe it would soften the blow, so i stood up shakily and went over to him.

feeling my skin brushing against his only made things worse, reminding me of the fact that no matter how bad i wanted to get him out, i couldn't, and no matter how bad i wanted to be with him, it was never going to happen.

a whirlpool of resent brewed in my stomach, my pulse loud in a deadly fit of fury and frustration, my heart throbbing with defeat, making me feel dizzy with a sickening combination of anger, pain and guilt - mattia had told me from the start that he didn't want to get his hopes up, but i had ignored him, and now it had blown up in my face.

'well that was easy.' he teased, snaking his arms around my waist and embracing me, rapidly showering soft, rose-petal kisses against the slope of my tense neck.

i tried my best to laugh with him but my dry chuckles were clearly dispassionate, and my skin glowed hot with embarrassment.

'hey, what's wrong? you're never this quiet.' he asked as i tried to distract myself by fiddling with his fingers.

'nothing's wrong.' i tried to lie, knowing that it was in mattia's nature to pry.

'don't lie to me, y/n, we tell each other everything, remember?' he said firmly.

something in his tone made my gut twist, and after looking in his eyes, i felt every emotion rushing directly to my face, making my bottom lip begin to quiver.

he looked me up and down, his expression a cross between confusion and concern.

i placed my head in my jittery hands and buried myself into his chest before allowing a silent stream of tears to escape my eyes and soak his overalls, my eyes stinging.

he held me close and rubbed a hand up and down my back, causing my body to become conflicted between the temptation of losing myself in him and the harrowing remorse that was consuming every inch of my flesh.

'i'm so sorry, mattia.' i said finally.

'what happened?' he asked innocently, his bright eyes shining down at me, lulling.

'the petition,' i wiped my eyes, 'it got bumped up to 1,000,000 signatures.' attempting to compose myself.

'oh.' he looked down at the floor, his arms still secured around me.

'oh?' i repeated.

'well, that's that then. i don't know what you want me to say.' the glossy layer that clouded his eyes spoke different volumes to his careless tone.

'i'm so, so sorry.' i held the sides of his face, torn over my inability to find the words to express the remorse that was eating me alive.

'it's okay, i knew it wasn't going to work out anyway, don't stress over it, at least now we know what the future holds for certain.' he sniffled slightly, feigning his unaffected act.

'but this wasn't how it was meant to be, mattia.' i expressed.

'well it's what it is, we've spent way too long trying to fight for something that we're never gonna have, so we make the most of these last months, okay?' he brushed a stray tear away from my warm cheek.

'okay.' i agreed, i wouldn't let myself hurt him more than i already had, no matter how hard i wanted to keep trying.

'y/n?' he said quietly.

'yes?' i placed my forehead against his.

'when will you let me meet eliza?' he asked softly.

i blinked at him slowly, the question taking me by surprise slightly.

'soon.' i replied.

'for real?'

'yeah, of course, she's been dying to meet you too.' i tried to make the tone more lighthearted to mask my realisation of the fact that i had barred my own daughter away from her father.

'i bet she is,' he snickered, 'i haven't missed out on anything right? no first words? steps?'

'oh no, it's too early for that.' i reassured him with a degree of uncertainty, mentally acknowledging the notion that i could have missed those myself.

'do you think she'll like me?' he asked, almost nervously.

'mattia, of course she will, how could she not, you're the most likeable person.' i said, far more certain in this statement.

'well, the higher-ups don't seem to like me very much.' he referred to the government.

a moment of somber silence fizzled between us, it wasn't something i could reassure him of, he was right and we both knew it.

'eliza will love you.' i nodded slowly, looking into his earthy eyes and seeing hers.

we spent around another hour talking, even laughing, taking advantage of the fact that the guard had forgotten about us.

i had missed the feeling of liberation and comfort that i derived from being around him, and nothing could've made me happier than spending every minute i could with him, but the subtle shake of my right leg, and the swelling tension in my chest would have easily revealed my innermost feelings, because every second i spent with him, was a second i'd find myself reminiscing on when he would be gone.

i didn't want to dampen the mood, but after i had left, i sat alone at the bus stop and wept, relieving a small amount of the pressure that had subdued my heart, yearning for nothing more than the circumstances to miraculously change.

a passing journalist managed to snap a few photos of me before i could even notice her over the noise of my own grief and pity.