《Conditionally Married》44 - Insecurities
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Sia pov
"Its business deal. Nothing more, nothing less"
I didn't believe I was hearing these. We were so perfect, we were going so well...
Tears formed in my eyes, and I didn't even stop them.
As Ashar said his goodbye to his Uncle, he closed the lid and our eyes met.
I wanted to shout, I wanted to punch, I wanted to stab that man for breaking my heart and using me.
But instead I stood still. Quietly.
"Hey, you're not sleeping?" He said casually
"Doesn't matter" IT DOES MATTER TO ME.
He sensed change in my tone.He knew that I heard everything.
"Sia, I know you heard everything. Won't you ask me about it?" He asked cupping my face
I always find a soothing feeling in his touch, but now when I know that I am just a way to his property, I was hating his touch.
I lifted my hands to reach his, I hold his fingers lightly and dragged it downward.
"Its useless Ash... Mr. Ashar. And its fine. We're bound by the contract. We shouldn't be forgetting this" deep in my heart, I was sinking.
I couldn't stand any more with him or else I might shout and scream for I wanted to tell him that I had feelings for him. So, I just turned around when he got hold of my wrist and turned me around towards himself. He pushed me towards the wall and caged me in his arms.
His orbs were dark, like sky without moon.
"Sia, please shout at me, scream at me, slap me , punch me. Ask me why I said those things. I owe you explanation. But please dont act like this" he said as if he was begging me.
"I never shout on people who aren't close to me." Tear fell from my eyes and even his eyes were wet.
"I.am.the.closest.to.you right now" Our eyes met for a minute or two as if he wanted to read mine and I wanted to read his. But I just can't. I don't want to drown in his eyes anymore.
I kept my hands on his chest and pushed him. He didn't retaliate and took steps back.
"Now you're not" I said.
He ran his hands in his hair in frustration. I kept looking down and went to my room, which I had abandoned since few days and I thought I won't be returning here again.
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I stoped and turned to look at him and he too looked at me
"Very well played Mr. Ashar. Very well played" and with that I went to my room and locked the door.
I kept on cursing myself for my foolishness. How could I forget what he did to my friends and how he married me. Also that day where he left me outside in rain naked. I kept on crying on my stupidity until I drifted to sleep.
~~~~~~~~
Another day began with finding myself alone.
I did my rituals and opened the door to get some food
I was hungry and sad and alone and empty.
As I opened the door, I found Ashar sleeping on floor just outside my room.
My heart melted the way he was sleeping all curled up.
I got on my knees and woke him up.
"Sia, please listen to me" he said. I crossed my arms and went out towards fridge.
Sia... Sia please" he kept on shouting. But I just took some bread and nutella.
Ashar then, don't know when or how, grabbed my wrist.
"Leave me" I yelled. "No" he said "I wont leave until to listen to me"
"You don't need to do this. I wont be able to trust you again" I kept my eyes down on floor.
"Don't make decision before getting a complete picture" He said while holding me.
"I made my decision" I said while twisting and turning my wrist.
He grabbed my other wrist as well and pushed me to wall, my plate fell during this,but he doesn't care. Then he raised my hands over my head.
I should be now used to of his grip.
"You.have.to.listen.to. me" he said
"Why? Why should I hear you?" I screamed
"Because I ..." He stopped midway, but his deep husky voices penetrated in my mind and body. I felt like eternity had passed between us. His words kept echoing in my head non-stop and I kept trying to complete it.
"What?" I asked puzzled.
"I ... I dont want anything and anyone coming between us. So please hear me out for once. And still if you feel that I you can't trust me, I wont force you" he slide his hands down, freeing me.
I am now so confused.
Yes ... No ... Yes...no...
Gosh why it is so difficult!!!
"Okay. But just once" I said and he smiled.
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"Sia, Eddy had serious doubts on Burke. He had hidden last part of the will that said that if I fail, everything will went to Burke"....
My eyes popped out.. "what? Really?"
"Yes, I dont believe that Burke hid that condition intentionally, but I dont want to take risk. That is why I didn't tell Burke that things are good between us. Eddy could be wrong, but still"
I crossed my arms, listening to every word he said. Sometimes the close ones are the bitches.
"Yesterday when Burke asked me how things are with you, I got blank. He suddenly started to convince me to allow him to tamper the will and trap you, So, I just played safe"
He released a blow of air, as if he was holding it for long " That is all Sia. I didn't tell anything about Burke to you earlier because I didn't want you to be panicked. I had given you enough of troubles. Still if you feel I did wrong, then may be I did. I won't give you any further explanations"
He took steps back, letting me escape from his aura. I felt like a judge and he was like accused.
Realizing my state, he frowned and left the house.
~~~~~~~
Ashar pov
Night fall and brought rain with it. I went in out enjoying water falling all over me.
I came back home after taking a long walk. Just me and my thoughts
"Sia, come inside, you'll catch a cold" I called her. But she didn't listen. She was in garden area.
"Sia, please get inside" I requested, to which she responded and came inside.
"Sia, what's wrong?" I asked when I couldn't take her silence anymore
"Nothing" she said without looking at me and headed to room.
I quickly took steps forward and took hold of her hand and drew her, making her fall in my arms.
She struggled slightly, but I was determined to make her speak.
I swallowed hard when I realized the closeness between us. She is right in my arms with her hand on my chest. She never looked up to me.
"Shout at me if it can cool down your anger" I said almost in a whisper. She just shook her head with water droplets all over her face.
She tried again to get free, but I hadn't hold her to let her go!
"Please Ashar" she finally broke silence "I... I am just tired"
"You are a bad liar Sia" I refused to believe her. "Look into my eyes and tell me that ... I will trust you then" I said with my fast heart beat. I know she is disturbed.
But as usual being stubborn, she stayed silent and neither she looked up. I slowly brought my hand to her face and stroked her cheek which was cold due to rain before I pushed her damp hairs a bit behind.
I put my hand under her chin and lifted her face, so her eyes can meet mine and we stayed like this for a moment.
"Tell me what are you thinking" I asked her again, I could see hesitation and trouble in her eyes and then her eyes get tears.
"I .. I am scared Ashar.. about future and present.. about our enemy. He is out somewhere looking for a chance to make his next move. We can't even trust anyone.." she kept her eyes to her feet
"And what about us? . Where do we see ourselves after two years? Are we just going to to be like this? Will you just leave me after...." I instantly brought my lips down to her and kissed her softly. Her words stabbed my heart and the pain was too much..
"Sia... I love you" I answered all her questions with just three words after I had kissed her. I know that I was the reason of her insecurities.
She looked at me with teary eyes as if she had got what she want. Seeing her worried with tear stained cheeks made me equally hurt.
"I know I had been treating you really bad...may be worst and I am really really sorry for that. I know I am the reason of all your pain and insecurities. If I ever got the chance to turn the time back, I would shower you with all my love since day one"
"You... Really...love ... I mean you're sure about...??" She asked while still being in my arms.
"I mean each an every word from core of my heart" I told her and I again kissed her on her lips. This time I wont let her go...
I am going to make her mine tonight
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