Alert! Small rant:

I know I have not exactly been a nice person when it comes to updating chapters, however,

We have now crossed 1K reads and that is a major boost to me.

Hello to all the new readers, and thank you to the existing readers.

But on the whole thank you to each and everyone one of you reading the story and continuing to do so!!

Please Vote, Share and Comment.

~~~~~~*********~~~~~~

"Riya what happened that day?"

"Nothing much," I shrugged like it was nothing, trying to push down the emotions clogging my voice, "There I was, all pumped to tell Ash that I liked him too, that I made him wait far too long and that I was finally ready to accept whatever it was that he said we had, and barged into his house unannounced.

And hold and behold my apparent boyfriend had his hands cupping my best friend's face like a war soldier returning to his wife after 10 years in war. They were having their perfect hallmark moment until I walked in on them and disturbed them with my silence. I may not know much but I know exactly when I am unwanted. So, I removed myself from his room, from his house and from his life and did everyone a favor."

Silence followed, I couldn't will myself to look at her because I wasn't sure if I could keep a check on my tear glands. But I was ready, ready to grab her hand if she were to march her way to Ash and Sasha and do something unthinkable.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You know why"

"No, I don't. I can't bloody believe you kept something so big from me. How could you? I said I will be there for you. I promised you that I will never judge you and we promised each other that we are allowed to be vulnerable around each other. Yet my phone did not ring, and my door was not knocked. I was not there for you when I promised you I would. Whose fault is that? I was so stupid to think I was someone you would depend on.

When will you learn to let someone in, Riya?"

She was angry.

"Vivi please, don't talk about this with Sasha or Ash, please" I said finally looking at her. "I know you, and I did not want my issues to strain your relationship with them. I don't want to be the reason you fight with them and Sasha needed you. It wasn't that much of a big deal. I'm fine. Everything worked out well didn't it?"

She gave me an incredulous look.

"You are so complicated, I really wish I knew how your brain works" she let out a long breath and continued "and they have been together since?"

"No, broke up a year or so ago. Ash left before Sasha could complete saying 'commitment' and he is back now, trying to win her. He even asked for my help"

"What?" she scrunched her face in eight different ways and said again "what? Don't tell me you helped."

"I didn't. I just told him stuff he needed to hear."

A few minutes passed, and I downed two more glasses and was admiring the view ahead of us when Vivi whispered "How did you forgive her?"

"She was in a bad place when I saw her, she was broken and rarely smiled. She needed someone Vivi, she needed a shoulder and I knew exactly what that felt like. I didn't want her to go through what I went through."

"And in the process, you forgave her?"

I shrugged "I don't know. I don't know if I forgave her, it all so tangled you know. Whose fault was it at the end of the day? I don't know. I don't even know if I have the right to be upset. So, I don't know if I forgave either of them, but I know that I will never be able to forget. That doesn't mean I will rub it on their face every time I see them. If they are happy together who am I to stop?"

Vivi looked at me incredulously and said "Really? Are you dumb or plain stupid? How can you blame yourself? How is any of this your fault? If my memory serves me right, Ash asked you out. He told you that he loved you. He called you a coward when you didn't reciprocate. He told you he'd wait 'till you accept your feeling'. So, enlighten me Riya, what did you do wrong?"

I gave him a chance to hurt me and that was my mistake. I trusted him and that was my mistake.

"I don't know how to answer that. And I am sorry for not telling you or not talking to you about this, about me. But, I know that you were going through some sh*t yourself and... you know" I turned completely in her direction.

"At the end of all of this I just don't want Nick to get hurt,"

She bit her lip like she was going to say something she shouldn't and asked very slowly "Do you like him?"

That brought a smile to my face "I do. He is someone you fail to hate. He is perfect for Sasha, imagine all the beautiful babies they will make."

"Beautiful, my ass. Babies look like over grown mice and I know you think the same."

After some time, she said "I feel dizzy, I will see you tomorrow. We have a whole day of making fun of so many people and their skanky dresses ahead of us. So, good night."

I nodded and smiled at her. She moved away from her stool and said in what still sounded like hurt "I still can't believe you didn't tell me."

***********************

If the two men yelling at me (surprisingly looking so impeccably alike) are not a proof then I don't know what is, the proof that I am completely drunk.

"I can't even trust you to take care of yourself," he grumbled with a frown deeply, inspecting the blood streak on my forearm. My eyes were in level with his bent head. I was looking at his thick dark locks and I couldn't help but wonder if he was actually sporting a wig.

It was possible. Just like Gru did in Despicable Me 2. Now what will he look like if I ran my fingers through his hair and it turned around, just like in the movie? That made me giggle.

"Are you even listening to me?" he shouted. "How did you even cut yourself like this?" he pointed at the wound "and what exactly are you doing at this time, here? Why are you drunk? Why do you have to get trashed when you can't handle it? Why are you alone? Where are the others? What are you doing here by yourself? And what exactly..." I lifted my finger making him pause his stupid loud speech.

"I cannot comprehend half of what you are speaking. Let us take one question at a time. And quit shouting or I will sacrifice you to Poseidian... Posodon... Poseshi shi shu... Ocean god. No one's ever shouted at me before and that is not going to change because of you."

I am sure my glare matched his and by now I was able to concentrate on one Nick (the Nick who suddenly was trying to contain his smile, god knows why) without squinting my eyes.

A little after Vivi left, I borrowed a bottle of something from the friendly bartender and walked towards the beach. Somewhere along the way I cut my left hand and I felt nothing until a hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me rather harshly to inspect the cut.

"Poseidon" he said with a smile.

"Smartass," I pretty sure I made a face.

"Dumbass," I pulled way my hand from his grip.

No one gets away with calling me an ass or dumb or both.

"Riya stop being difficult and come with me. We should do something about that cut."

Being the gentleman, he is, he did not wait for my answer and dragged me to someplace that looked like the resort we were staying in, more specifically a room that wasn't mine.

"Stay here while I get the first aid from reception. I am locking the door because I don't trust this version of you." I heard bits and pieces of what he said as I was contended with the warm bed I was sitting on.

Sometime, when I was too busy dreaming of La-La Land, Nick came back and started wiping my cut. It did not sting, I felt nothing. He suddenly looked up like he wanted to say something but stopped short and looked at me with concern.

"Hey are you alright? What's wrong?" he asked wiping the tears that were running down my cheek.

I was shaking my head vigorously when he caught my right hand and placed his other hand on my left cheek.

"It's ok. Everything's going to be just fine, everything will get better. I promise. Please don't cry. It hurts me to see you cry."

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe the eyes that were looking at me intently while holding a promise. I wanted to hold on to him until everything got better, but who was I kidding? I knew nothing would change.

I let out a small laugh and said, even when my brain was yelling at me to shut my trap, "No. It's not ok. Nothing will get better. Nothing will change. And that is what scares me most. That I will remain this way forever. Bitter, cynical and sad."

"What? Did something happen?"

I shook my head again, "I am sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. But it just hurts so much" I said placing my hand above my heart. "Everything hurts, everyone hurts. I can't just forget, you know. For once I don't want to act like everything is ok, I don't want to be strong, I don't want to hold my own hand and say to myself that everything will get better." By now I was on a full-blown crying spree.

He let out a long breath and said, "then how about you hold on to my hand for now and if you like it we, can make it a habit?" while intertwining our hands and sitting on the bed beside me.

I was too drunk and drowning in my sorrow to comprehend what he said so I just nodded and looked away unable to take in the way he was looking at me.

I was crying for myself.

Memories of people, I loved and trusted, hurting me came back to me in flashes. I didn't know why I was doing this, I never cried when I had audience, it made me feel vulnerable. However, today was an exception. Come morning I was going to regret this. I was going to push Nick as far away as possible. I was going to avoid seeing him like I have been doing since my birthday. But I will make an exception just for tonight. I didn't want to feel lonely just this once.

In all this time not once did I think of Sasha, thought maybe I was betraying her just the way she did not many years ago. True, I am not in any secret relationship with Nick and whatever I feel for him right now is purely platonic. But I was in his room, with him, supporting my head on his shoulder and finding solace in holding hands with him.

Oh God! This is wrong, this is so wrong!

~*~*~*~*~*

Happy Valentines Day you all.

So, what do you think? How many of you think Riya is being a bad friend?

Let me know what you think of anyone in the story so far.

Read. Vote. Share. Comment.