《It's Kinda Complicated》9. Because I Love You
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"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
I blink my eyes several times. I am sweating and my breathing is rapid. I look around my surroundings and see the same things I wake up to every morning. I am in my bedroom, in my apartment, in my city, in my country.
Oh phew!
You are fine; this is your room, your place. It's just a dream. Just a dream, a dream. And then I sigh in relief.
Without thinking much I jump out of my bed and check the time. It is only 6:30 and I have two hours until I leave for work. I contemplate on what to do for the next hour and a half, knowing well that I would not be able to fall back asleep. I decide on making some nice breakfast, because my breakfast mostly consists of some cereal and milk. I brush and rush to the kitchen to find all the ingredients to prepare an omelet.
Trust me I can cook, I mean I don't burn food. At all. It's just that they don't usually taste like how they are supposed to. So, I open my laptop search the recipe for omelet and start it by cutting onions. Bad idea. I start tearing up and with tears, come the bad memories of the dream I have just had.
In the dream I am initially dressed like a Disney princess (like Giselle from The Enchanted)It gets worst, I get transported in the same clothing to Hogwarts and turns out I am a death eater, who is employed to lure Harry to love me. In my dream Umbridge is on Harry's side and she gets to know my plan and to get rid of me, pushes me into a deep looking well (just like the evil step mother from The Enchanted again). I keep falling into this endless pit and the fall stops when I open a door and the room I walk into is the room from the house in House of Wax. After walking aimlessly, I suddenly turn around only to come face to face with themasked man from Scream movie and that was when I woke up with a start. I mean seriously? I am highly disappointed that there is no special part of my brain that helps me get more creative and logical dreams.
Between the tears, onions, thoughts about my lack of better brain cells my phone rings and I end up cutting my finger.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" there is blood everywhere. All I can see is red liquid running down my hand. I keep shouting and reach for a kitchen cloth and then my brain functions. I place my hand under tap water and clean it with some cotton. By the time all this is done the ringing of the phone stops. Just before I go to it and see, who the caller was, it rings again and I see the ID and answer it immediately.
"Hai Ma"
"Hey baby. Why do you sound like that? Something wrong? I had this feeling and I just wanted to call you. I know you don't wake up so early. But I am sorry, I just couldn't stop myself. Since I woke up this morning, you are all I can think about," I heard her sniff "I am really worried sick about you, do you know that? I always keep thinking what you might be doing at this point of time every minute and you..."
"Mom I am FINE. I was already awake. I just cut my hand when I was trying to cook something and there was lot of blood when you called previously, so I could not answer."
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"Cut your hand?" I can already imagine her wiping of her tears, placing one hand on her hip and asking me this question with one eyebrow raised.
"Ok FINE. It was my finger. And there was little blood." I replied in a small voice. I was exaggerating just a little bit. Sue me.
"I am your mother and I know your stories and lies and also how lousy you are when it comes to cooking, there is no way you could have cut your hand."
"So, what are you doing?" and we went on for another fifteen minutes when I told her all about Mini, Sasha and Nick, and she filled me with all the latest rumors and gossips about our neighbors.
"Shika? When are you coming home?" she asked carefully afraid I might flip any minute, now that she asked the question. This was the main reason why she called me.
"Mom I...." I breathed out loudly.
"Shika it's been six months. Don't you ever miss it here? Don't you miss me? The most I get to see you is in those skype calls and that doesn't even assure me you are alright. Don't you ever think of me or my old nerves?"
"Mom that is why, I ask you to come visit me here. It is just a two-hour drive Mom. You can come." I have asked her gazillion times to come here but she always comes up with reasons.
"You know I can't. How can I? What will happen to all the work here?"
"You don't work for the business Mom, you own it. You can always take a few days off and come. Or come on some weekend. I don't mind," my mother runs a small firm with two other friends. They produce organic energy, protein drinks for sports people and models.
"Then who will take care of your father? He will be all alone if I come visit you." at this I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. There was silence for some time until she broke it, "Shika dad is home and he wants to see you, listen I know that..."
"Really Mom? For how long is he home?" I deadpanned.
"Shika it's not like that. This is his home after all. This is where he will come and you need to forget..."
"For how long?"
"Shika"
"HOW LONG MOM?"
"Two months" she whispered. "But he wants to see you. Why are you so stubborn? Why can't you just yield and come home?" by now she was fully crying and I wanted to say anything that will stop her tears but there was nothing I could say and completely mean it.
"I am sorry Mom. I am sorry that you must go through all this because of me. But I can't come. Not now at least, it is a bit too early. I am running late mom I will call you later. Take care. And please don't cry. I love you. Bye."
As soon as she said her I love you and bye I cut the call. I had to go to work as soon as possible the more I stayed at home, more are the chances of me curling into a ball and weeping. I checked the time again and I it was already 7:15. I got ready and drove off, in my newly bought Volkswagen Beetle, to VR Holdings building. I buried myself in work (or whatever I came across and considered work) forgetting all about my unmade omelet.
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"You are early to work? As far as I remember you hated waking up early. Busy with something?"
Just what I wanted. NOT.
"Yes" I responded without even lifting my eyes from the papers I was currently arranging.
"Riya look I am trying here, you need to stop this ok. It's getting a little old. Don't you think?"
"Stop what exactly Ash?"
"Ignoring me"
"I am not ignoring you. You just don't exist to me anymore. That's all. I have moved on and you have become a stranger to me, and didn't you learn in school? Stranger danger." He widened his eyes and looked at me like I have grown two heads.
"So that is what I am now? A stranger"
"No that is what you have become to me four years ago. Now if you excuse me, I have work to do." I went back to arranging the sheets and heard him turn around and walk away. What was I doing here? What am I saying? What is happening? And most importantly why me?
"you know the girl I knew was a kind, lovable and good hearted, the one I once loved, and you" he pointed at me with his left index finger "you are just so cold and indifferent. I don't even know who you are anymore. You have changed" with that he walked away.
And who is to be blamed for that? I wanted to yell, but I didn't. Never will.
I tried, trust me I did. I tried to ignore what he said and how he said it, but his words hurt. A lot.
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"So, HR can form teams and manage arrangements and decoration. Finance will take care of the money flow, catering and hospitality. Marketing will be responsible for event organization. Legal branch will be overlooking seating and short listing the venue and finally PR will take care of the invitee list. I need the complete details of all the teams and their responsibilities with the time estimation from each team for the delivery of designated work. I need all the team heads to give the details to Stacy before 7 pm and any doubts, problems or corrections come to me directly I want this event to go off without a hitch. If that is all, for now, you can get back to work. PRO stay, rest can leave. Remember guys I want it before 7 today. Thank you."
Once Ryan was done with his rant, the rest of the people from different departments emptied their chairs and left. VR Holdings has signed up five new fast growing companies and all five deals were scored by Ryan. So, he is organizing a dinner, for all the companies that have ties with VR and is planning on inviting CEOs of other non-client companies too. Free publicity. The dinner is in a week's time. He asked us all to meet him in his new temporary cabin that is in my floor, since Ash is still working up there.
"Jack and Kira will take care of the invitees list and Sara and Riya, you will invite the all the guests personally and on the day of the dinner, all four of you can take care of the media, press and statements. Jack, are you thorough with all the companies' backgrounds I asked you to go through?" with that he asked us individually if we have done the work he has asked us to do in the last week. Once he was satisfied with all our work he just smiled and all of us smiled back. He was nice sometimes, when he was not being his usual conceited self. Ryan was a good man.
"I am just smiling. Doesn't mean I will increase your pay scale so you can stop with the smiling. Now you are wasting your time which is my money. Get back to work." Nope I take it back. He is evil.
When we turned our backs to him he said, "Kira make sure there are a lot of hot chicks on the invitee list, there will be no hike or bonus for you, if they don't show up." All our eyes widened and poor Kira just blushed, she is Miss. Goody Two Shoes and the entire building knew it, he said that on purpose, "and Riya stay back please." The rest of them left and I moved closer to Ryan's chair. He, gestured for me to sit on the chair next to his and I sat down with a questioning expression on my face.
"You know I don't do small talks, right?" I just nodded, not knowing where this was going.
"So, let me get straight to the point. What's wrong?" he asked with a small frown, in all seriousness.
I am sorry but can I have a replay of the last ten seconds please. To say I was shocked will be the understatement of the century.
"Ryan? I... What?" when he didn't reply, I was convinced that I heard right, so I replied
"I am fine. Nothing's wrong. Why would you ask something like that?"
"Do you think of me as a fool Riya? I know you enough to know when you are upset. Now cut the crap and just tell me what's wrong. For the past one week you have been looking like you ate a living cockroach," I would have never expected Ryan, of all people, to say these words to me. No one could tell I was upset. I acted the same way, like nothing happened and yet here he is, asking me what was wrong. I really didn't know how to answer and panicked,
"I cut my hand," when I looked at him he had a very amused expression on his face.
"Hand really? Then we must go to hospital immediately. What are you still doing here?"
"I mean finger, not hand. My finger is a part of my hand and it is cut, so on a macro level when we are looking at the cut, it is the hand. But if we go into the minor details it is the finger. And no, I don't need a doctor. And it's been like a week or something, so everything's fine" At this he chuckled.
Yes, I am purely a gift to mankind, for their entertainment with some of my mindless rumbles.
"Why do you ask anyway?" I blunted out.
"I don't know. Maybe I care."
"What do you care about?"
Care? Care about what? Me? My well-being? What?
"You"
"Excuse me. Me?" someone pinch me now. "But why?"
Why, Riya? Is that even a question?
"Maybe, because I want to be on your good side"
"Why?" I am sure I have a flu or fever. He moved really close to me now and smiled just a little and said, "because I love you."
Nope. Aha. Nothing. Nada. My brain stopped working and couldn't comprehend what he just said. Did he just say...?
"You would love to hear me say that to you. Wouldn't you? But no. I am way too handsome for you and you are way too evil for me. So, stop daydreaming about me and go do your job."
I quickly made my way to my desk but I cracked a small smile because this was the only non-depressing thing that happened to me so far today.
~*~*~*~*~*
Heyyo.
Another chapter.
Please let me know what you think.
Read. Comment. Share. Comment.
***********
Talking about a completely different topic here, however, it is important. This week something happened and I realized that we live in a world that is that filled with a lot of sorrow and pain. I understand that everything is not always very happy and cheerful but for some of us it is more difficult than others.
Depression, anxiety or any other form of mental health issues are not to be taken for granted. Please that time to understand yourself and finds out ways to get better. Give yourself that chance, believe that things will get better, talk to someone (anyone), or maybe write it down, but get past it.
Fight with all your might and evolve stronger.
Watch this video of my personal favorite Dr. Mike talk about mental health. It might shed some light on the issue, even if it doesn't, he is just too easy on the eyes.
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