《When We Crashed》My Heart

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Ella's pov:

"Let me get this straight, your mom actually wants to do better?" Luke asks, staring at me. His eyes held curiosity, and shock, but I could see right through it which held disbelief.

I couldn't blame him though.

I couldn't believe what I was trying to say to him neither.

In fact, I don't think it even fully registered in my brain that my mom, you know, the one who made my life a literal living hell, is trying to be a better mother.

To actually try to do things that will make me happy, not just what will make her happy.

"I think so, when I got home though, she didn't really address it, but I think she's waiting for the perfect time to give a full explanation." I say, as I pick up my mug from the car seat and take a sip of the coco that Luke made.

We were sitting side by side in the back seat of his car in the Dairy Queen Parking lot. I asked him if we could talk because I didn't know if I was doing the right thing or not.

"Well, if she let you go out to see me, then she must have understood that you don't want to be stuck in the house 24/7." Luke takes the mug out of my hands and takes a sip out of it.

"Hey! You have your own!"

"Mhhhm, you should be thankful I even brought you some."

"Aren't you such a considerate person."

"I really am, now are you going to eat your muffin or not because I am in pain just by looking at it." He complains.

"That will be like your fifth muffin in a matter of five minutes, you're going to get fat." I laugh, as he only shakes his head.

"It's called working out Ella, you wouldn't know." I roll my eyes, but he only winks at me and puts the mug back in the cup holder.

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"Sorry, after taking horrible yoga classes by an unskilled yoga teacher, I kinda gave up on physical activity."

"Please, I'm the best yoga teacher out there."

"You know, it's against scholastic integrity to say things you know are not true."

"It's also against scholastic integrity to bully people who clearly have talent in the yoga field."

"The yoga field?"

"Yes, it was my major."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, along with dealing with obnoxious children. Oh wait, can't say that out loud, you might get offended."

"Hey, I don't think I'm the child here."

"Whatever you say shortie."

"I am not short! I am average height according to google."

"Did google also teach you how to lie? Because you suck at it."

"Not that, but it taught me how to use your head, but it must be hard for you since yours is empty."

"Rude."

"Thank you." I couldn't help but let out a small grin.

I missed this.

I missed us.

And it's crazy to think how last week I felt like I had nothing, but today...

I felt like I had everything.

It's definitely weird, I admit. I was so used to hating myself, my life, and basically everything.

But now, I enjoy the little things in life, the things I didn't know about before.

"Speaking of what we were saying about scholastic integrity, you should be happier!" Luke suddenly says, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"What do you mean?"

"Now you can come to my highschool and we can go through senior year together!" He smiles, but it drops when he sees no reaction from me, "You did ask your mom to go, right?"

I rest my head on the back of the seat and let out a sigh, "It's not as easy as it seems."

I don't give any attempt to move as Luke scoots closer to me, closing the gap that was once between us, "You just demanded your mom to get you what you wanted, don't tell me that you're backing out-.."

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"I'm not! It just... never came up."

It really was a horrible excuse.

Well to be honest, anything I could have said would have been a horrible excuse.

"Ella..." He squints his eyes at me, while I look away towards the window.

"Yes?" I keep my gaze away, feeling uneasy about the topic.

"Tell me why you didn't ask her." He says, and as if he couldn't scoot any closer, he did.

I don't say anything as I keep my silence.

Not that I didn't want to say anything, I just mentally and physically couldn't.

One of his arms snakes around my body and towards the side of my head.

As softly and lightly as he could, afraid of hurting me, he turns my head from looking out of the window... to a clear view of looking right into his dark, brown eyes.

"I... already told you." My words came out slow, it was clear in my voice that I wasn't sure.

Not only did I know it, but he knew it too.

"Mhhhm." His thumb that was used to tune my head caresses my cheek as his other hand grabs a hold of one of my hands, that was fidgeting from nervousness.

Why? Not only because of my embarrassing excuse of a lie, but because of him.

Over countless times, I have tried to persuade myself to get over the silly crush I have on him.

Well actually, countless is underrated.

Almost everytime I look at him, I am in a constant battle of me trying not to fall for the little things he does.

But it doesn't help when his LIPS are inches away from mine. His eyes just slowly taking my heart, second by second.

"Fine, fine!" I grab his hand that was on my cheek, and set it in my lap, along with his hand that was already holding mine.

"I'm... embarrassed of why I didn't. I told my mom that I would leave if she stayed the same, but she didn't. Ever since I got home yesterday, she didn't ignore my presence, she didn't force me to change when I walked downstairs in an oversized sweatshirt and leggings. She actually tried to talk to me, and the conversations never ended up with me getting scolded, instead we actually laughed! Do you know how long I have been waiting for a moment like that? Do I really want to mess things up now when she is actually trying to change?"

I close my eyes and move my head to rest on Luke's shoulder.

I don't know why I did, it just... seemed right.

But, I guess a lot of things feel right when I'm with him.

"Ella..." Luke says softly, his thumb caresses my hand as he continues, "You shouldn't feel embarrassed to say that, but you need to tell her what makes you happy. I know you said things are better, but you need to take the chance. If she really cares about you, she will put your happiness above her own."

His words takes its tool on my head.

And again, he's right.

I can't let myself believe things are okay... until they really are.

I want to go to school.

I want to experience highschool.

And... that will make me happy.

"You're right." I lift my head off of his shoulder.

He smiles at me, which always makes me feel better.

Whether I was afraid of the past, or scared for the future, he always finds a way to make me happy.

And... maybe that's all it took.

A talk in his car in the diary queen parking lot to realize...

I never got over my feelings for Luke Barrington...

And that's either a good thing...

Or I am getting my heart in trouble.

And for me, I really hope it is option one, because I think my heart has had enough trouble.

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