Summary: After being subjected to marrying Halfdan, (Y/N) withers away, her bright, kind personality suddenly disappearing. She watched as Halfdan ignores her, both of them wallowing in sadness over what could have been a good marriage.

Characters: Halfdan x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)= Your name

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex

A week had passed since the wedding. Halfdan and I avoided each other as much as possible. He would always be out every night doing who knows what and stumble in at early hours of the morning. I didn't really care though. It wasn't like we were happily married, we never even looked at each other let alone be intimate. Would things ever change? Or was I going to be stuck like this forever?

As I laid our breakfast out on the table, Halfdan walked in, immediately digging into the meal. I sat across from him, eating mine with a few more manners. As usual, nothing was said. It was the same everyday; I did everything a wife should do whilst he went out and had all the fun. I hadn't seen my friends in a while, it was starting to get lonely. The silence was broken when Ubbe and Sigurd had turned up at my door, walking in right after they knocked. I smiled, relieved that someone was here to rescue me, even if it was for a few minutes.

"What brings you two here today?" I asked as they joined us at the table.

"You haven't seen Margrethe in a while, she is starting to grow concerned." Ubbe explained.

"I have been meaning to see her."

"We are all going out to train today. Will you join us Halfdan?" Sigurd asked.

"Yes. I need to get out of this house."

My smile disappeared at his comment and my friends saw that. Only a few minutes later, we were finished, following the brothers to their training grounds. Margrethe was waiting just before the edge of the forest, embracing me tightly as I almost ran up to her. She knew how much I needed that, not receiving any devotion for some time. We trailed behind the men, linking arms.

"Why haven't I seen you around the village?" She asked me.

"I don't leave the house because I'm scared. I feel that I constantly need to make sure that the house is clean and that there is enough food for us, not to mention actually cooking it. If I don't do that, I'm scared that Halfdan will get angry and do....something."

"(Y/N), I didn't realise. I would have come to help if I had known."

"It's alright. I've got used to the loneliness, in more ways than one."

"You mean, you don't have sex?"

"We've never had sex, not that I really want to. He's out for the whole night, I know what he's doing; a man cannot go long without a woman to warm his bed."

"He didn't bed you on your wedding night?"

"No. Apparently I was too drunk. I only did that to make it quick and easy."

Margrethe knew there was nothing she could say to make me feel any better. We walked the rest of the way in silence. Once we reached the training grounds, Hvitserk, Ivar and Harald were already fighting, as well as some other men and shieldmaidens. Margrethe and I were going to take a stroll through the forest, staying close to them just in case. Neither of us learnt how to fight, I knew I would be useless anyway.

"(Y/N)! So good to see you." Hvitserk beamed, hugging me.

"You too, Hvitserk."

As I pulled away from him, my eyes drifted to my husband, who seemed to be getting close to one of the shieldmaidens. She seemed to be enjoying it too. I didn't blame him. I was a boring, frightened young woman who could hardly wield a small knife. Of course he would go for someone like her. He loved bloodshed and fighting. The total opposite to me.

"Are you ok?" Margrethe asked, looking to where I was.

"Of course I am. Why should I care what he does?"

Hvitserk seemed confused by my reaction, looking to Margrethe the for an explanation but didn't receive one. Turning on my heel, I grabbed Margrethe's hand, dragging her away. It felt good to be outside, especially away from Halfdan. We ventured further in, sitting at the edge of a pond to finally talk.

"Have you spoken to Aslaug about this?" she started.

"No. She can't do anything now anyway."

"You have changed. And it's not good."

I shrugged."Maybe. I just don't want to anger Halfdan."

"Why did you ignore what happened back there? Weren't you angry?"

"A little. It was just embarrassing. Everyone knows what he does behind my back."

"Then, why don't you show him that you can be like those girls?"

My eyes widened at her."I don't love him, I don't even like him! Why would I ever go to bed with him? Imagine what he would do to me if I did something wrong, I could wind up dead the next morning."

"You're overreacting."

"No I'm not!"

"Perhaps you should just do it, just to gain some control. I did it."

"You were a slave, you had to do it."

She scoffed.

I sighed at her response."Sorry."

"You can't keep living like this."

"But...but what if he does something to me? I can't live up to his expectations, even his brother looks down on me."

"You are stronger in different ways."

"That's not enough for him."

"(Y/N), look at me!"

I slowly turned my head to her.

"Somehow this man has brought you down, but I can't understand why when you've been so headstrong since I met you."

I could feel my lip trembling as I tried to hold back the tears."I'm just frightened."

Margrethe leaned over to hug me again, soothingly rubbing my back. Neither of us said anything, my sobbing being the only noise around us. I stopped for a moment, suddenly hearing something else. Margrethe sensed it too. Confusedly looking to each other, we tried to workout what the noise was and where it was coming from. There was panting and grunting, followed by the slapping of skin. Standing up, both of us wandered away from our spot, only taking a few steps when we saw the culprits; Halfdan had a girl bent over against a tree, shamelessly fucking her right in front of us. He looked over at us, not stopping what he was doing. The woman noticed too, feeling humiliated as She tried to scramble for her clothes. That was it, I had had enough. Margrethe tried calling after me as I stormed away, back to my home where I knew no one would bother me.

It was hard not to start destroying things in my house. The anger that was built up inside me, it had gotten too much. How was I supposed to hold it all in? Margrethe was right; I had turned into something I wasn't. Why should I be afraid of him? He couldn't kill me, Ragnar would kill him in turn. Pacing up and down the room, my fists were in balls at the side of my body, blocking out anything breakable. He had really crossed the line this time.

My pacing stopped as Halfdan casually strolled into the house, throwing his cloak over a chair before looking at me. He had a stupid grin on his face, knowing that I was annoyed with him.

"Who do you think you are?" I hissed out.

"I'm your husband who will not be spoken to this way." he shruggd calmly.

"Do you know how mortifying that was? To see you fucking some woman right in front of me?"

He furrowed his eyebrows."Well, you know that I do it every other night, why was this any different?"

"Because I am sick of this! You are a disgraceful man with no respect for me. I make sure everything is perfect for you when you come home and all you do is throw it back in my face!"

He started to walk towards me."You won't talk to me like that."

My heartbeat increased but I stood my ground."Yes I will. Halfdan, I'm never going to be like those shieldmaidens. I can't fight, I will never wield a weapon and I am constantly terrified. You want to know why I am always terrified?"

"Why?" Halfdan towered over me. I wasn't sure whether he was slightly mocking me.

Now my voice was shaky."Because of you. I'm sorry that you had to marry me, that I'm a pathetic excuse for a woman. But just know I'm trying, even though we don't love each other. I know I'm never going to gain your respect."

His eyes cast downwards, he wasn't sure what to say.

"I understand you have needs. I don't blame you for going after those women. But from now on, I will no be direspected like that."

The tension was still thick as it always was, Halfdan seemed surprised by my outburst. I quickly wiped away a tear, he still saw it.

"I'm going to bed. I suddenly don't feel well." I announced.

Quickly walking away, I collapsed onto the bed, curling up again like I had done on our wedding night. It was exactly the same as I cried myself to sleep, praying to all the gods that I would somehow manage to get through this, hoping that he would be a different man tomorrow.