Summary: requested by @ohlassling: 'Ok so I found this prompt, it's from a Pablo Neruda poem. "I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and soul." Angst? Smut? Fluff? Do with it what you will.'

Meanings: (Y/N)= Your name

Warnings: Shouting, arguing

'I love you as certain dark things are to be loved...'

Rummaging through my bag, I started to write down any supplies I would need before the next battle. Being a healer in a war zone was frightening, watching those you knew slip away from you or be terribly injured. Sitting amongst the other healers, we went over our lists, making sure we would have everything we needed. I took in a deep breath before standing, looking at my surroundings.

"He isn't here (Y/N)." one of the women grunted.

"Who?" I acted foolish.

"Do not act like that. Halfdan is obviously the man you are looking for."

"And why would that be?" I walked nearer to her.

She stopped writing and looked up at me."Because he entices you. I do not know why but you like him. But this is a very dangerous game you're playing."

"I am not-"

"He is ruthless and has no conscience over his actions. You see the number of women who enter his tent late at night and leave the very next morning, yet you keep on pining after him."

"You must be mistaken. Excuse me."

I had to get away then, my anger was rising and I didn't know when I would snap. How dare she talk of Halfdan like that? Yes, he was a fierce warrior, he seemed intimidating to those who did not know him; but I was not one of those people. And little did she know that those 'number of women' was just me hiding under a cloak each night. It was a very odd match, Halfdan seemed the man who wanted a shieldmaiden as his wife, not a healer. I wasn't really sure how it happened either. I had been healing his wounds after a tough raid, then he kept on coming back to me with even more wounds, whether they be big or small. I started to grow concerned, pulling him to one side one day and asking him about it. After expressing my worry, he finally told me why he kept coming back, apparently I had caught his eye.

'...in secret...'

But Halfdan was not a man who frequently expressed his feelings. He could be hard to read at first. However I could tell that he wanted to keep us a secret, something that still upset me. Halfdan used the excuse of wanting to keep me safe, especially since we were in a war zone. That I could understand to a certain extent, but even his brother Harald didn't know about us. It was beginning to get harder to hide my true feelings in front of everyone.

The routine stayed the same throughout this war. It would be late at night, almost pitch black except for a few lit torches, before I would sneak away from my side of the camp to his. Disguised in a long cloak, I had my route set out for me so that I wouldn't be spotted. Today felt different though, after hearing those words from the other healer, she had made me think otherwise. Because no one knew that Halfdan was my man, women would throw themselves on him; most of the time he would ignre them but I had seen him encourage it. Why were we a secret? I wanted to know the actual truth.

As I entered his tent, I was greeted by his hands pulling me towards him, deeply kissing me. Welcoming the feeling, I kissed back, my hands stablising myself by gripping onto his shoulders.

"I missed you today." he grunted as he pulled away, kissing down my neck.

No, I was not going to fall for these games.

"Halfdan, please, stop." I struggled to say as I pushed him away.

He immediately did so, confusion etched over his face. I walked around him, shrugging off the cloak. Now what was I supposed to say? It was going to come off angry no matter how I worded it.

"(Y/N) what is wrong?" Halfdan asked, standing in front of me.

"Why do you keep us in the dark? Why am I such a big secret?" I blurted out.

He seemed surprised by my sudden questions."I've already told you, I want to keep you safe. We are near the enemy, they could hurt you."

"We're winning this war Halfdan! That isn't the truth is it? You're ashamed of me."

His eyes widened."What?! Of course not-"

"Or am I just a casual fuck? Is that it? You know that the shieldmaidens are harder to get into bed and I'm the youngest healer so that seemed like an option?"

Halfdan grabbed my shoulders, shaking them slightly."Are you mad woman?! If you were here to just warm my bed why would I hold you close to me every night? Why would I bestow you with gifts? Why...."

"Why what Halfdan? Finish your sentence." I demanded.

"Why would I love you?"

"Love me? You love me?"

We had never said that to each other. I had a growing feeling for him though I was never sure if I should say it out loud. Halfdan had been kind to me. He had defended me from other men, given me gifts that I did not deserve and yes, he always held me in the deep night. This felt right now.

"Halfdan..." I watched as he stepped away from me."Do you mean it?"

"I...I don't know how to say things like this."

"I understand that. But I need to know."

He finally looked me in the eye."Yes. I love you."

I smiled."I love you too. And I'm sorry for accusing you if all those things. It was not fair on you."

Just like when I entered the tent, Halfdan kissed me again. This time it was gentler, not as rough as he usually was. As we kissed he guided me backwards to his bed, making me fall back. He started to take off his tunic but I quickly stopped him.

"Please, let us tell someone, just one person at least." I asked him.

"Why? Why must people know of us?"

"Because we belong to each other. Men and women need to know to stay away. I want to show everyone how much I love you. Is that too much to ask?"

He was hesitant, thinking about it."Are you sure you want people to know?"

"Yes. We love each other, that's all that matters."

'...between the shadow and soul.'