The prompt I chose is: "I tried to move on, but nobody is you!"

Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of sex, sadness

You were one of Sigurd's closest friends, and in love with Ivar.

It wasn't easy, especially since Sigurd told you all about his hate for Ivar, and Ivar lamented all about Sigurd to you, but you loved the both of them, in different ways, but equally strong.

When Sigurd asked you to join them in raiding England you were happy to, but Ivar was against it.

You weren't sure whether it was just because Sigurd had suggested it or whether he didn't want you to join because there was a possibility of you getting hurt, but you had trained with them for years, so you decided to join them regardless.

You did well during the raids, and even Ivar was happy to have you by his side.

During the raids you saw how bloodthirsty Ivar was, you weren't blind so you saw his anger and bloodlust during the fights, but you loved him nevertheless.

His sudden bursts of anger frightened you, but they were never directed towards you.

Whenever he was with you Ivar was much more relaxed, caring, and even loving.

You were the only person beside the now dead Queen Aslaug who loved Ivar truly, and he knew that.

He loved you too, you saw it in the way he watched you carefully, as if wanting to protect you.

His touches were gentle and soft, as if you could break underneath his touch any second.

You loved the care you got from him, and you loved caring for him as well.

You were happy that you came with them to England, you had fun, until that one fateful afternoon.

After a successful raid you were offered to sit beside Ivar and the other Ragnarssons to feast.

Everything was fine, Ivar and Sigurd were sitting far enough away from each other so they wouldn't be able to start a fight, until Ivar began yelling.

"Who wants to be a farmer now, hm?", he asked the men and women assembled and your attention was fixed on him.

You had talked about the fact that he wanted to continue raiding, but his elder brothers were entirely against it.

"We have a great army, and we should use it!", he continued, entertaining the masses by the way he spoke, and you watched as Ubbe, Bjorn and Hvitserk grimaced, while Sigurd only glared at Ivar.

You put your hand on his thigh to get his attention.

"Ivar. Let's talk about this in private. Just your brothers, you, and me", you whispered to him but he ignored you.

Sigurd didn't, sadly.

"No, let us talk in the open. It concerns all of us", Sigurd said loudly and you heard some men grunting in agreement.

"I do not want to go raiding with you, Ivar", Sigurd said as he glared at Ivar, and Ivar glared back at Sigurd.

"I don't care what you say, dear Sigurd. I wouldn't even piss down your throat even if your lungs were on fire", Ivar answered and you hissed at him.

The fights between Ivar and Sigurd were always verbally violent, but they luckly never thought of actually fighting each other.

"Maybe that's because you're not really a man, are you, Boneless?", asked Sigurd and you became pale.

It was something Ivar was extremely insecure about, because it was true that he wouldn't raise up, but that didn't mean you didn't love him, and he could pleasure you, which he loved to do.

Sigurd looked at you and shook his head.

"I'm just sorry for you, that he can't please you", he said with an angry grin forming on his face.

"That is not true, Sigurd, he can very well pleasure me. Far better than anyone else I've laid with", you announced, earning a chuckle from Sigurd and a glare from Ivar.

You knew he hated talking about it, but you felt the need to defend him.

You could see the anger boiling in him, and you knew you had to stop it.

"Ah, so he's good with his tongue, then?", Sigurd grinned sarcastically, which made you angry as well.

Whenever the brothers fought you always had your own opinion, switching sides with whomever you agreed with.

This time it was Ivar.

"Stop it, Sigurd! You are being stupid!", you growled at him as you looked from brother to brother, standing up to get more authority and attention.

"No, it must be the tongue, or the fingers. He has to be good at that, because no sane person would ever stay with him otherwise", Sigurd continued and your heartbeat sped up as you put your hand on Ivar's, but he pulled it away from you quickly.

This time Sigurd spoke to Ivar, and your blood froze in your veins as you heard what he said.

You didn't know why Sigurd always wanted to anger Ivar, but it was a dangerous game he was playing.

He had to be aware of that.

"I guess it must be hard for you, knowing that your mummy is dead. Seeing as she's the only one who ever really loved you", Sigurd said and you saw Ivar's nostrils flare in anger, but before you could react to calm Ivar he had already reacted.

A cry escaped you when Ivar's axe connected with Sigurd's chest, and your eyes began to water.

You couldn't do anything but stare at your friend in shock, watching as he pulled the axe from his chest in anger, staring at Ivar.

You didn't see how Ubbe and Hvitserk moved uneasily as if to protect Ivar from his brother as Sigurd staggered forward with the axe in hand.

Your whole attention lay on Sigurd, as he moved towards Ivar, lifting the axe to strike him down as well.

You were about to shout at Sigurd to stop before he let the axe sink into Ivar's skull or chest, but the shout was stifled by a whimper when you watched Sigurd fall to his knees as his legs gave up under him before the rest of his body hit the ground as well.

It was dead silent, but you wouldn't have heard if the people around you had been shouting.

You watched as Ubbe and Hvitserk rushed to Sigurd, but you knew he was dead.

All you could do was stare at his body in utter shock.

You were shivering like a leaf in strong wind, not knowing what to do.

Your lover had killed one of your best friends, and though you had always known Ivar was easily angered and maybe even slightly crazy you would have never thought that he would kill his own brother.

You didn't remember what happened immediately after that, but you found yourself in the room you shared with Ivar.

You had decided that you wanted to leave.

You wouldn't stay with Ivar, after what happened you couldn't.

He had hurt you, he was crazy, and though you knew it finally admitting it hurt.

You were packing your belongings when you unmistakably heard Ivar come in behind you.

"What are you doing?", you heard him say, and by the way he said it you knew he was about to be angry again.

"I'm leaving with your brothers, Ivar", you answered him as you turned to look him in the eyes.

"I'm returning to Kattegat", you added before moving back to gathering your belongings.

"You are not leaving. You are staying here. With me", you heard Ivar say and you already felt the tears collect in your eyes.

You shook your head, both to collect yourself and to show him that you weren't going to stay.

"You cannot tell me what to do, Ivar", you answered, still not facing him.

"Why? Why do you want to leave? I know you...", Ivar began as you interrupted him, whirling around to look at him.

"You killed Sigurd, Ivar!", you shouted as you felt a tear slip down your cheek.

"You killed one of my closest friends, your brother, in cold blood", you added as more tears fell from your eyes.

"I don't want to go back to Kattegat. But I can't, I won't, stay with you any longer", you added, your voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

Ivar looked shocked and angry at the same time.

"You do not love me, then. Sigurd was right", he growled, and hearing him use past tense made your lips quiver.

"No, Ivar", you told him, your voice weirdly calm as you walked towards him.

"I do love you, but you ruined it. I will leave, and never come back, and you will live with the fact that you killed my friend and our love in the process", you told him as you took your belongings and moved out of the tent.

You walked a few meters further away before you broke down to cry.

It had been months since you left Ivar and returned to Kattegat, but your life hadn't been easy.

You had been living with your parents after years of living with Ivar, which had been far easier.

Your mother frequently tried to set you up with men, simply because she felt you needed a man to be happy, but that wasn't it.

You didn't need just any man, you needed Ivar.

You missed his touches, the way his fingertips would teasingly rake up your spine in the morning when you sat up, the gentle caressing of whatever body part of yours was closest to him, or just the feeling of his hand wrapped around yours.

You missed the long talks into the morning hours, the way Ivar would watch you whenever he was free and you were working, and you missed the feeling of knowing that he was there for you, and you for him.

Every day was torture, but you worked in your parents' shop, and the hard work kept you from thinking or feeling too much.

Your life had changed dramatically, from being a shieldmaiden and training with the sons of Ragnar all day, living with them and especially Ivar at the great hall of Kattegat to sleeping in the same room as your parents, and working with them all day, forgetting about your weapon stacked away under your bed.

You could never forget about Ivar, though.

He hadn't even looked at you when he stood with his army to watch his brothers depart, he was talking to Hvitserk, asking him to stay, but not once had he looked at you.

That knowledge haunted you too, your mind and doubts circling around it.

Did he not love you, or why had he not looked at you once?

You heard when Ivar came back to Kattegat but you stayed in the shop for most of the time, avoiding to go outside because you didn't want to see Ivar.

The first time you saw Ivar again you were at the market, buying food for you and your parents.

Your eyes immediately caught on Ivar.

Whereas he used to crawl on the ground and through the mud he stood proudly, leaning on a selfmade crutch.

You were mesmerized by him.

He looked so tall and strong, in comparison to how you remembered him at your feet in the dust.

You had never minded, but that Ivar stood up so tall made your heart ache even more.

You heard Ivar call your name when you turned around to rush back to the shop, forgetting about the food you were supposed to bring with you.

The way Ivar had shouted your name repeated itself in your head over and over, making your sleep restless.

The next day you had to come back to the market, to buy what you had forgotten the day before.

When you finished your purchase you turned and nearly stumbled into Ivar who was stood behind you, waiting and watching.

He glared at you, his eyes hard and pinched together slightly.

You looked down his feet before looking back at him.

"You look good Ivar", you said softly, trying to keep a civil conversation you could end quickly, so you could slip away.

His only response was to grunt at what you had said.

"What do you want?", you asked after there was a time of silence in which you were just staring at each other.

Standing in front of him only hurt you more, and all you wanted to do was run home to cry.

"You", Ivar answered, and you felt a shiver run down your spine.

"You left me", he said as he made a step towards you, a muscle in his face twitching.

"You left me, I was alone, and all I could think about is you", he told you, anger laced in his voice, his nose scrunching up slightly.

You shook your head as you heard the anger in his voice.

"You killed my friend, your brother. What was I supposed to do?", you asked him, but he was silent.

"You shouldn't have left me!", he raised his voice and the people around you hurried away, realizing who had just raised his voice.

"You should forget about me", you said softly, and Ivar grew even more angry.

Ivar glared at you, and after a short pause he shook his head.

"I tried to move on, but nobody is you!", he shouted, and you nodded.

It hurt you, you missed him, and his pain hurt you even further.

You were silent, feeling miserable as you watched Ivar look at you, his emotions changing from anger to sadness.

"I miss you... and I need you back", he whispered, and you closed your eyes not to break into tears.

"I miss you too", you breathed out, and Ivar's eyes grew hopeful, which made your knees weak.

"I need you", he whispered, and you could see tears forming in his eyes.

You heard him and you knew that you felt the same.

The time without him had been horrible, and you knew that being with him wouldn't be easy, it would be difficult, but you needed him in your life.

You nodded softly, and Ivar's eyes widened as he watched you.

"I love you", you said as the tears escaped, and after months of torment you moved to hug him, embracing the feeling of his body finally wrapped around yours again.