You stood on the docks, looking over the heads of the people gathered there. It was weeks now since the last time you saw him and you missed him, terrible. It was one thing to be in a forced marriage, a woman didn't missed her husband as much as it was in a marriage that came out of love. And this was that, you married for over a year ago now and this was the second time he left you, the longest travel he made. So seeing those ships dock into the harbor made the tears of joy well up in the corner of your eyes. Pressing your body up on your toes you looked how the first men jumped out of the ships. Somewhere that short strand of panic filled your body while your eyes looked for him. What if he died? What if he was badly wounded? But all of that concern faded as soon as you saw him walking aside his brother and you pushed your way through the people, not being able to move further when you saw that smile spreading over his lips on something his brother said to him. His eyes started to search over the crowd, looking for you. He looked so good, healthy, strong and handsome as always. You remembered the first time you saw Ubbe like it was yesterday. You were cleaning the stables when he walked in, demanding a horse before he left again. After that he demanded a horse way to often until he only demanded you. His eyes locked with yours and you bite your lip to suppress the tears of joy while you started walking. His eyes scouted your body hoping to see the one thing that he was wishing for all the time you were married, you pregnant and just as always you needed to disappoint him. You laid your hands around his face while he pulled you closer around your waist. You placed your lips against his and everything you felt, you feared disappeared in this love.

'Did I miss the most gorgeous face of Kattegat.' He whispered.

'Welcome back home husband. Night won't be so lonely anymore.' You smiled softly back, embracing his tightly for all your happiness didn't found a way out.

During the feast you and Ubbe hardly stayed away from each other. And although you were a very descent woman you ignored all the rules in this night. Taunting him by dancing, exchanging promising looks and whispers about how much you missed him. On a certain point Ubbe had enough of it and leaded you out of the great hall home. 'What did you do on those lonely night?' He asked you just before you walked into the house. You turned around, your back leaning against the door while you looked up.

'What woman do to feel comfort and enjoyment when their husbands aren't home.' You replied with a small, almost shy, smile. His deep blue eyes prayed your body, imagining you lying in bed at night, touching yourself because you missed him. 'Not as satisfying as this.' You said, laying your hand on his chest while looking up.

'You always show yourself to be so innocent and good hearted but,' he silenced his own words by the kiss you give him again. He opened the door and pushed you backwards in.

'I'm all innocent and good hearted.' You protested, pushing your feet out of the shoes before embracing his neck again with your hands. 'Are there any wounds that I need to attend?' You asked carefully looking over his body. He laid his hands on your dress, slowly pulling it up while he leaded your body towards the bed.

'Does my wife has wounds that need attending?'

'Only the black hole in my heart from missing you.'

'That I can fix.' He whispered, placing his lips against yours. You felt his fingertips scour over your body while he pulled your dress further up. You lifted your hands while he pulled the dress over your head. Your hair, stroke down over one shoulder while he let the dress slip out of his hands on the ground. You untied his leather armor, generally aware that his eyes covered your naked body that stood before him. He helped you get rid of his and your fingers stroked the superficial wounds and bruises he had. 'I'm fine.' He promised, cupping your face before laying you down on the bed. In the weeks it was everything you wanted, feeling his skin against yours, his hands touching your body, feeling him inside of you. You moaned on the fore filling feeling it gave you, the way he moved inside of you, the way he said your name, the way he made you feel. 'I love you.' He panted against your collarbone, just as you tumbled down from your high point and he spilled his seed inside of you. You embraced his head while he laid aside you, resting it on your chest, stroking your fingers over his braid.

'I love you to.' You whispered right back, listening to the heavy sounds of your breaths before his got more steadier and you knew he slipped away into is victorious dreams.

You couldn't sleep, gazing into the darkness falling into old habits where you tossed and turned over your thought. How satisfied your body felt, you knew it wouldn't be more than that. For a year you tried and in a year you failed on getting pregnant. Knowing it was your fault, it broke you day by day a little more down. You pushed your body a little up in the bed, looking aside you to Ubbe who was sleeping. He looked so peaceful, so happy and you swallowed the soft cloth that started to form in your throat down. You always tried to imagine yourself with a child, a crib at the end of your bed, a cry in the middle of the night. You threw the sheets from your body and grabbed your dress from the ground, pulling it over your body before you slowly stepped over to the window, quiet so you wouldn't wake Ubbe. You hardly could call it a window, but at least you look outside for a moment, admiring the moon standing high at the sky. You turned around to the bed where Ubbe turned his body in his sleep, a hand searching for you and not finding. It woke him up.

'Y/n?' His voice sounded quiet, deep, a little rusty in the night. You turned your body away from the window and walked back to the bed. 'What is it?' He asked.

'Nothing.' You forced a smile on your lips and laid back down aside him on your side. He laid his hand on your waist while he studied your face.

'This is not nothing.'

'You know me to well.' You whispered. He pulled you closer and you let him, laying your head closely aside his. 'I saw you looking when you arrived,' you started softly, studying his eyes while you got further. 'if I would be pregnant.' You followed. He brought his hand up and stroke the strains of hair out of your face, keeping it there.

'It doesn't matter.'

'For me it does. We want it both, I want to have a child Ubbe, I want to have something walking around that will grow as handsome and brave as you. And I can't give you that and it tears me apart.' You protested against his words. You laid your hand on his chest, gazing at him in the darkness. 'I know you want it to.' You followed. He stroke his fingers over your temple, looking at you in the dark.

'I want you to be happy. I love you Y/n and it doesn't matter how long it takes, what it takes. Even if it means I die without a son our daughter who can tell my tales, I will always love you.' How truthful those words were, it caused the tears to set free. You turned your head into the bed, smothering whatever sounds that tried to get out. 'Y/n, don't,' he stroke your hair and you shook your head.

'You will always hold it against me, someday you will love me less because I can't give you a child. Some day we will have an argument and you will fired that right at me. One day,'

'Don't.' His voice sounded more determined while he pulled your chin back towards him. You squeezed your eyes together, causing more tears to pour down over your face. 'Look at me.' He insisted. You forced your eyes open and looked him. 'Don't ever think I will use this against you. This isn't why I married you and if I would know it from before I would still marry you.'

'You say that just,'

'No, I mean it.' He interrupted you, stroking the tears out of your face. 'Your good hearted, talented, beautiful, caring, I can go on a whole night if you want me to but you need to know that I love you and I always will, despite the fact we may never have a son or a daughter.' He said. You nodded, a little shaky and he placed a kiss against your lips. You hold tight to his wrist before you snuggled your wet face against his neck, slowly breathing out while he stroke your hair, until you slowly sunk to a restless sleep.

You were rather quiet, all morning. You sat in the great hall, listening to the raiding stories but with your mind somewhere else. Your eyes rested on Björn his kids, running after him outside as he left the great hall. You kept looking to the wooden doors, to Ivar who crawled his body in. On that moment you looked away, following the last bits of the story they told. 'Y/n,' Ivar greeted you as he pushed himself up on the seat aside you. He took his moment to look over you. 'still not pregnant.' He chuckled, taunting you.

'Brother!' Ubbe reacted angry. You forced a smile on your lips and let your fingers carve in the wood of the table, ignoring whatever that happened around you. Ubbe came to stand behind you, his hands resting on your shoulders before he lowered his head, placing a kiss against your temple. You straightened your back and tilted your head backwards to look at him, smiling softly.

'Queen Aslaug,' the attention drifted from Ubbe to a woman walking in, she had a little boy on her arm, not even a year old.

'What can I do for you?' Aslaug asked her polite.

'I'm the neighbor of Tanni,' the woman looked a little nervous and you felt Ubbe his hands tense a little around your shoulders. You laid your hand on his and looked shortly up to his concentrated face before you looked back to the old lady. 'I woke up this night from his crying. Normally Tanni is always immediately up but now it went for hours. So I went over and I,' she felt silence again.

'She is dead?' Aslaug guessed.

'Yes my queen, last week she said she wasn't feeling too well but I never thought it would be this serious.'

'And her husband? The father?' Aslaug pointed to the child in her arms.

'Died on the raid.' Ubbe answered. You looked from the child over your shoulder up to Ubbe. 'He was too badly wounded and he died.' He repeated himself. Aslaug looked at her eldest son before she looked back to the woman.

'I'm too old to take care of this child.' The woman admitted. It was completely silence in the great hall for a moment. The little boy in her arms started looking around, insecure.

'Isn't there family?'

'Not that I know of.' The woman answered the queen patiently. Aslaug nodded and turned her head to one of her female slaves who took the child over from the old lady.

'We will look for family if that isn't there we will see what the gods want us to do.' The queen stated. The old woman bowed and walked out, you looked after her before you looked back to that child. He seemed so sad, he had nothing anymore, no mother and father, nobody and in an instant it made you sad to.

You kept thinking about that child the whole day. You sat outside, rubbing Ubbe his armor clean from the stains of blood that were on it, it was a whole work. You were so concentrated on that and that child in your head that you didn't heard him coming, that you didn't see him looking. It was when you accidently looked up that you saw him standing. 'How long do you stand there already?' You asked surprised. He smiled shortly, but that vanished way too fast. 'What is it?' You asked a little concerned. He shrugged, walking over and sitting down beside you.

'He doesn't have a family.' Ubbe started, looking down to the rest of his clothes that you washed. You studied his face carefully.

'What now?'

'I don't know, they need to find somebody, fast.'

'Or what?' You asked a little scared for the little boys faith. Ubbe shook his head and rested his chin on his upper arm when he looked aside to you.

'I don't know how to say this, feels like I'm gonna betray you but,' he lowered his eyes to his armor you had in your hands while all you could do is look at him. 'we could take him.' He suggested. You slowly looked away from him, down to the bucket of water that stood aside your feet.

'Ubbe,'

'I know, this is not what we wanted. But that boy is looking for a family and we ... I know how hard it is for you. I know it wouldn't solve anything but maybe ... I don't know.' He hardly finished one of those sentences when he buried his head in his hands again. You looked slowly away from the bucket up to the sky.

'I always wanted to know how it was, to feel a unborn child kick, to feel pregnant, to bring him to the words, to feed him,' you looked aside to Ubbe. 'I know I can't have that so maybe we should try.' You leaned against his arm with your head and he turned his head again, looking at you.

'Maybe the gods are gifting us with a child of our own if we do this.'

'I hope so, I don't know if I can see a boy growing up knowing it isn't mine.' You whispered. He lifted his hand and cupped a part of your face.

'We are doing good.' He said softly. You laid your hand over his and nodded.

'I know.' You replied. He shifted his head and placed his lips against yours. You stroke his head and signed. 'You sure?' You asked with a concentrated look in his eyes. He nodded and placed a kiss against your forehead.

'I'm gonna talk to my mother.' He finally said while standing up. You nodded and looked how he walked away until he was out of sight. The armor slipped out of your hands and buried your head between your hands, crying for the pregnancy you would never get.

It took a couple of days to arrange it a little but here you sat, watching the little boy play in the grass. It felt in so many ways wrong, taking care of a child that wasn't yours. He started to gibber and you looked up out of your thoughts.

'It's sad isn't it.' You said to him. He turned his tiny blue eyes towards you, concentrated and you pulled the corner of your mouth a little up. 'You don't have any parents and here I can't have children.' You followed. He titled his head a little too much and he fell down. You saw his little arms grabbing and you took his hands, pulling him up. He wrapped his arms around you and you stood up, walking inside. 'You are probably tired.' You guessed. Not knowing how it was to be a mother you head to search a little. You laid him down in the crib but he started crying within an instant so you took him back up, crawling with him onto the bed. He laid on his stomach on your chest, eyes drifting into yours. 'It can't be easy, trusting this all.' You whispered, stroking your fingers under his chin. His eyelids became heavy and he let his head rest on your chest. 'I know.' You whispered on his yawn. You listened in silence to his breathing how it got heavier and calmer. You didn't know how long your listened but on the end you felt asleep yourself. You waked up by the pressure against your forehead. You opened your eyes and looked sleepy up to Ubbe. He laid his finger against his lips and pointed down. You were a little disorientated from how you fell asleep and which time of the day it was. But when you looked down you remembered it. He was still sleeping and you stroke your hand over your face before looking back to Ubbe who careful laid down aside you on his stomach.

'How are you doing?' He asked, generally concerned. You lifted your hand and he covered it in his, placing your knuckles against his lips.

'Pretty good.' You whispered, forcing a tired smile on your lips.

'You know I stood there for almost half an hour, looking at my wife being like I imagined she would be with a child.'

'He is a little restless.' You reacted softly, looking down to him again.

'You can't blame him.'

'No,' you looked back up to Ubbe. 'It feels good, in a way.' You admitted. He laid his hand on your forehead and placed his nose against yours.

'You are doing amazing, I'm proud of you.' He whispered before kissing you. You opened your lips and lost yourself in the kiss before he laid his head back aside you and you just laid there ... all three on the bed. It felt pretty good.