— 39. Mountains

Outside the Great Hall, Ragnar was sitting upon his chair, watching everything around him. Nearby, Tova was playing with the younger sons of Ragnar. Ubbe was pulling Ivar in his cart around Tova, who alongside Sigurd and Hvitserk, played with sticks as swords with Ivar.

Locking eyes with Ragnar, she sighed and turned to the boys. "I will be right back," She informed them, causing each of them to groan in annoyance as they watched her walk over to Ragnar. She walked up the steps, just before taking a seat at his feet.

"I hear you and Bjorn had a falling out," Ragnar spoke up, breaking the moment of silence between them.

"Yes," Tova simply stated as she looked down at the ground in front of her.

"And?" Ragnar asked her awkwardly, knowing there was far more to it than she was saying. It was never simple when it came to Bjorn and Tova's relationship.

"And it is not going to work between us. Bjorn is too difficult for me," Tova admitted, only to have Ragnar laugh, "Is that funny?"

"Yes," Ragnar nodded and continued to laugh.

"How?" Tova complained, looking offended.

"Bjorn is not the only difficult one. You are as well and far more difficult than he is. Why do you think I seem to be the only one able to endure your incessant need to be right all the time? Not to mention that need of yours to always do the best at everything," He explained, smiling as Tova rolled her eyes, "Men do not like that. They like to help the women they are with. But you, Tova, you are way too independent for your own good."

"I don't understand," Tova replied and shook her head. She stared up at Ragnar, a confused look on her face.

"You do things without telling anyone," He reminded her and Tova shrugged.

"I tell you," She pointed out to him in a calm tone.

"That is different. We tell each other everything, even when we shouldn't. I'm talking about when you are with someone. There needs to be trust. You have to be able to tell them things. You must be honest with them," he explained, shifting in his seat, "Tell me, if you were with Bjorn and decided to go to Hedeby, what would you do?"

"Go to Hedeby," Tova scoffed and shook her head, "Who cares what he thought? He can't tell me what I can and can't do."

Ragnar laughed, unable to contain himself when he heard her words. "That is your problem."

"I don't understand," Tova replied, a puzzled look on her face.

"If you are with Bjorn, you must at least tell him you are making these decisions. You don't have to ask permission, but you should at least consult with him. Relationships need to be vocal. It must be a partnership. You must be able to work together, to trust each other, to be together in all things. How else do you expect to raise a child together?" Ragnar explained and at the mention of children, Tova felt uneasy.

She sighed, knowing a part of him had a point. "You know, you are the last person I should be getting advice about this from," She complained, refusing to acknowledge that she was in the wrong and that Ragnar was in the right.

And what better way to do that than to point out Ragnar's fault instead?

"What do you mean?" Ragnar complained, an offended look on her face.

"You attempted to have two wives and lost your favorite one in the process. Now, you are married to a woman who hates you and is only with you because she believes it to be her destiny while you don't care about her in the slightest," She reminded him and Ragnar rolled his eyes.

"I care about Aslaug," He argued, earning an amused look from Tova.

"You care about the sons you have with her and that she is taking care of them."

"That's not true."

"What was it you said to her after you learned about her and Harbard?" Tova asked, earning a glare from Ragnar, "Oh, that's right. You told her that you didn't care if they had sex with each other right in front of the children, as long as the children were being taken care of."

"Shut up," Ragnar snapped at Tova, who smiled in amusement, "I didn't tell you that so you could throw it in my face years later."

"What else did you expect me to do with that information?" Tova questioned, a playful smile forming on her face.

"You know, you are beginning to make me wish I was dead," Ragnar groaned, leaning back in his seat as he rolled his eyes at her.

"Trust me, Ragnar, even in death you will not be able to escape me," She commented, smiling as she stood up and turned to face him, "Now, the reason I've come here..." She trailed off and sighed since she knew Ragnar wasn't going to react well to what she was about to tell him, "I am to leave for a while."

"You can't leave," Ragnar argued, beginning to frown in concern.

"I am."

"You're not."

"I am."

"No, you're no--"

"Father, enough!" Tova shouted out in a stern tone, causing Ragnar to sigh in defeat, "I am leaving and there's nothing you can do to stop me," She paused, watching Ragnar sit back and look defeated, "I will come back. There is just things I want to do with my life before my legs are truly gone forever."

"What is it you want to do?" He asked her, a curious look on her face.

"I want to go out into the wilderness, away from everything. I want to climb a mountain on my own and spend a winter alone out there," She explained, beginning to smile sadly, "I want to feel the joy of reaching the top of the mountain now, before my legs give out entirely and I am unable to do it," She paused, turning to Ragnar with a curious look on her face, "Do you think it's stupid?"

"Of course not. You are young. You want to enjoy your youth before it is taken away from you. I understand that completely," Ragnar replied, causing Tova to smile, "Where will you go?"

"I already know a place. A hunter's lodge in the interior," She informed him and Ragnar nodded in understanding.

"Then you better leave soon. Before the winter freeze," He insisted, trying his hardest not to look sad about her departure, "Just...Just don't die out there. It won't be pretty way to go. Unless..." He trailed off, causing Tova to turn to him curiously, "You want me to come with you."

"I think I'm good," She assured him and smiled in response, "It will be good to finally spend a few months without you up my ass all the time."

"I thought you liked my company," Ragnar pouted, looking almost offended.

"Of course, I do, but sometimes it's unbearable. You need friends your own age," She complained, causing Ragnar to look more offended than ever before.

"I have friends."

"Like who?" Tova asked, letting out a large scoff.

"Floki," Ragnar reminded her, only to frown when Tova let out a loud, hysterical laugh.

"Floki who is imprisoned right now after murdering your other friend, who was a Christian priest," She reminded him and smiled at him in amusement, "You need friends."

Ragnar remained silent for a long moment. He sighed, rolling his eyes. "You have a point."

"While I find myself out there in the mountains, perhaps you should find some friends," She suggested and Ragnar nodded. She smiled and began to walk away, only to stop and turn to Ragnar. "Don't tell Bjorn where I'm going, alright?" She suggested, earning a curious look from Ragnar, "In fact, don't tell anyone. I don't want anyone coming after me."

"That sounds concerning," Ragnar complained, finding the way Tova worded her statement to be odd. He quickly stood up and moved closer to Tova, a suspicious look on his face, "Tova, you better not be doing anything bad out there."

"What do you mean by bad?" She asked, smiling innocently.

"Like killing yourself," Ragnar told her and Tova loudly scoffed.

"Why would I do that?" She asked him and rolled her eyes, "I'm not a coward. I wouldn't kill myself."

Ragnar sighed in relief, clearly believing Tova when she said she'd never do such a thing. "Good. Because if you died, especially in a such a way...I would not know what to do with myself," He admitted and Tova smiled at him assuringly.

"I won't kill myself," She assured him, smiling as she turned to leave. She began to walk away and when she was far enough, her forced smile faded, which no one but Floki seemed to see.

_____

The following day, it was finally time for Tova to leave. Outside the Great Hall, she was standing in front of Hvitserk, Ubbe, and Sigurd, hugging each of them. "Boys, look after Ragnar, yes?" He asked and each of them nodded, "He is not as strong as he once was, no matter what he may say. Look after Bjorn as well, huh?"

Ubbe smiled and nodded at Tova's words while Hvitserk found himself looking sad. He seemed to be the only one who noticed her goodbye seemed as though she was going to be gone longer than just a single winter. "Who's going to teach me to fight now?"

"I will return, you know. There's nothing to worry about," She assured Hvitserk, smiling as she hugged him.

She pressed a kiss to his head, hugging Sigurd and Ubbe next before she walked over to Ivar. "Don't grow too much, alright? I shall see you in the spring, Ivar."

"See you, then," Ivar replied, smiling up at the girl.

Tova turned, sighing when she saw Ragnar standing there. She slowly walked toward him, trying to hide her uneasiness.

"Watch for fresh snowdrifts. And what's pissing in front of you as well as behind you," He told her, causing them both to smile in amusement.

"I'll try to remember that," She replied in a sarcastic tone.

"You better," Ragnar demanded in a stern tone, "I will never forgive myself if something bad happens to you out there."

"I will be fine," She assured him, continuing to smile.

"You better be," Ragnar replied coldly, causing Tova to frown.

She stood in place and stared at Ragnar for a moment. She waited for him to hug her but he never did, which confused her. A part of her began to think he was angry with her but instead of questioning it, she just sighed and walked away without another word said.

Ragnar slowly turned to watch Tova leave, trying to contain his sadness. He sighed, walking over to Aslaug as they began to walk together.

"Why did you not hug her?" Aslaug complained, a curious look on her face, "We will never see her alive again, you know that, don't you?"

Hearing Aslaug's words, Ragnar stopped walking. He turned to her, staring at the woman in disbelief. "Have you seen something?" Ragnar asked worriedly and whipped himself around to see if he could stop Tova in time.

"No! I just meant that..." Aslaug trailed off uneasily.

"Then why would you say something like that?" Ragnar asked, staring at Aslaug in disbelief.

"Is it not obvious?" Aslaug retorted, causing Ragnar to frown in concern, "Tova is not planning to come back down that mountain. She is going there to die."

Ragnar stared at Aslaug for a moment. He stepped toward her, glaring at her hatefully. "I don't believe that," He complained, just before walking away without another word said.

_____

A day had passed since Tova had left for the mountains and the thought of her having the chance of never dying was all Ragnar could think about.

Unable to take it anymore, the moment Ragnar saw Bjorn outside, the man wasted no time walking over to his son. "Remember when you wanted to travel to the mountains alone to find yourself?" He asked, recalling Bjorn once admitting to wanting to do such.

"Yes, why?" Bjorn replied, looking confused.

"I think you should do it now," Ragnar suggested and placed a hand on Bjorn's shoulder as the latter looked utterly confused, "You're right. It is time you find yourself. We are to raid Paris when winter is over. You should do it before then."

"I thought you didn't want me to leave," Bjorn complained and Ragnar forced a smile on his face.

"I've changed my mind. I think you should do what your heart tells you to do this time. I believe it will be good for you to find yourself out there," Ragnar explained, earning a frown from Bjorn.

"Does this have to do with Tova?" Bjorn asked, eying his father suspiciously.

"Why would it have to do with Tova?" Ragnar complained and Bjorn rolled his eyes.

It always had to do with Tova when it involved Ragnar.

"She has left. Some say to the mountains," Bjorn replied, a knowing look on his face.

"That is a lie," Ragnar argued and shook his head, "Tova has gone to meet with King Olaf the Stout to ask if he would like to join us in Paris."

Bjorn remained silent, staring at Ragnar curiously. "Why do you want me to go so badly? Why do you suddenly want me to go after spending years refusing the idea?"

"Do you want to go or not?" Ragnar asked his son impatiently.

"Of course I want to go, but I don't believe you're letting me go for the right reasons," Bjorn admitted, earning a glare from Ragnar.

"Don't go then," Ragnar scoffed, glaring at Bjorn before he began to walk away.

"I will go," Bjorn suddenly announced, causing Ragnar to freeze.

With his back facing Bjorn, Ragnar smiled in satisfaction. He sighed in relief, just before turning to face Bjorn.

"Even though I know there must be another reason you want me to leave for the mountains. And sooner or later, I will find out, I know it," Bjorn explained and Ragnar shrugged, not caring in the slightest.

"Go right ahead," He announced his son, smiling sarcastically before he walked away without another word said.