You looked up from the piece of bread you were eating towards Björn that walked into the tent. Victory had felt so good and it was so sort tasted before Ivar killed his brother. Your eyes hardly believed the scenery when it happened and yet you was there when everybody said his goodbyes. But it wasn't the only thing causing the tensed feeling in the air. Halfdan rejected his brother my following Björn, something that was placed all over King Harald his face the moment his brother said it. But there weren't axes involved in their struggle. For years you fought along side of Halfdan, you served Harald and know all of the sudden they would choose each a different path. Your eyes stick on the tent you knew they were in, discussing the reasons why Ivar killed his brother, discussing the further days and months. You turned your head to look towards toward the camp, tearing a piece of bread in chewing in thoughts, guessing for yourself how the gods would guide the Ragnarssons through. It was a joined victory ... but how long would it stayed joined to begin with.

When Ivar crawled out it didn't took long for the others to follow. You stood up from the tree stump when Halfdan walked out and you titled your head in question when he approached you.

'And?' You asked.

'Nothing changed, I'm going with Björn.' He stated practical. You looked over to Harald before turning around and following Halfdan to his tent. He seemed his normal self, yet he seemed distracted by his own choice.

'And Harald?' You asked, standing still in the entrance of his tent. Halfdan turned around, unbuckling his belt around his waist, throwing his weapons away.

'He is sailing back to Kattegat.'

'Alone?' You asked questioning. You knew what they did the moment they left. Harald wanted Kattegat and by now maybe it was already his. There was a lot of time in between then and now, you had no idea how Kattegat would be, who would sit on the throne, the bastard or queen Lagertha.

'You are going with him.' Halfdan stated practical. That just stabbed a hole right through your body. You didn't say a thing for a very long time, you just looked how he pulled out his armor, he shirt, giving you a look on his muscular chest. You weren't only his fighter, you were his entirely and now he wanted you to accompany Harald?

'No.' You said. He turned around, his dark eyes hidden behind the blond strands of his hair.

'Y/n,'

'Halfdan, I'm yours, I'm on your side, you are not letting me go with Harald while you go sail with Björn.' You interrupted him tempered. He pulled a cleaner shirt and pulled it over his head, not loosing the eye contact he had with you.

'He is my brother,'

'And I'm your lover.' You hissed while walking further into his tent. 'Does that mean anything to you?' You asked. He lifted his hand, laying it against your cheek while he looked you into the eyes.

'There is nobody I trust more to go with him back to Kattegat. We always fought along side each other, I know you will do the same.' He said a little softer. But his eyes ... you hated those dark eyes, always so empty.

'I'm not following Harald.' You protested, slapping his hand away from your face, ready to walk out when he wrapped his fingers around your throat, pulling you harshly back to him. You gasp, feeling how he blocked every bit of air from getting in or out your lungs. You hand grabbed for his wrist, trying to get unwrap his fingers while he looked at you coldly.

'I don't care about your thoughts Y/n, you are following my brother to keep him safe.' He hissed so dangerously calm. You knew this was his anger, the calm anger that could get you killed. It only stated the obvious, that he had a hard time letting go of his brother. You gasped, kicking up your knee to the center of his body. He let go of your by darting back. You swung your fist into his stomach, turning around when he grabbed your hair harsly, pulling out a knife and keeping it against your throat. You breathed raspy out, still in need of extra breath.

'You would kill me,' you whispered, tears welling up in your eyes. 'you would kill the only person that truly loves you.'

'My brothers loves me, if you would love me you would go with him.' He hissed in your ear, his warm breath tickling your face. You swallowed, feeling the cold steel resting against your throat. He let go of you and pushed you out his tent. You turned around, looking into the distant gaze he gave you before you turned around and walked away.

You sat on a little hill, gazing over the boats that Björn was preparing for his journeys over the Mediterranean. Your throat fell a little sore because of what Halfdan did. He didn't spoke to you anymore, neither did king Harald. Your eyes traveled to Björn who looked your way before closing in. You signed, looking down before pulling up a greeting smile.

'Björn Ironside.' You nodded, standing up from the place you sat. He walked on the hill, scanning your whole body with his intense gaze before following your eyes to the ships.

'Are you joining?' He asked practical.

'No, Halfdan wants me to accompany his brother.' You said, not even sure if you were planning on doing that. Maybe you should stay, serve Ivar instead.

'Is that what you want?' He asked with his typical persistent.

'No but I'm his, so,'

'By marriage?'

'No.' The thought alone made your stomach heavy.

'Then he isn't to judge. I could use a good warrior like you. I saw you at the battle, your name and reputation does you honor.' He said, looking away from the ships down to the apple he was carving with his knife. You gazed in the distance, repeating his words in your head. Halfdan had put his mark on you but Björn was right, you were a free woman, you weren't married, you didn't had children. What was stopping you?

'Is that you asking or commanding?' You asked softly, looking up towards Björn. He chuckled, putting a piece of apple into his mouth before he threw you the rest of it. You caught it, looking down before looking back up to him.

'Whatever you want Y/n.' He said, giving you a short neutral smile before he left again. You looked away from Björn towards Harald and Halfdan talking with each other. You were a free woman ... in the depths of your heart you stilled cared about Halfdan, you loved him. You walked down the hill, grabbing your weapons, your shield and the little things you had before walking to Björn his ships.

'Y/n.' You froze and turned around to Halfdan, raising your eyebrows. 'What are you doing?' He asked nodding towards your shield and stuff.

'I'm a free woman, you don't get a say in what I want and who to follow. I'm going with Björn.' You reacted flat. He looked at you and when you turned around you could swear he was smiling in a way.

You leaned against one of the ropes, holding on to another while the boats slide over the water, away from England and the blood that was shed here. You looked down to your shield, splintered, blooded before tensing on the feeling of his chest contacting with your back. You didn't look over your shoulder to him, you just kept looking over the water.

'You still mad?' He asked, his voice sounded almost humorous, like it didn't matter anymore he chocked you, wanted to kill you.

'Would you have killed me?' You asked back.

'No,' he whispered. You felt his head closing in from behind, lips softly caressing your hair as he moved them to your ear. 'if I would kill you I would kill a part of myself.' He followed. You closed your eyes, resisting the urge on pushing your head into his touch.

'Why did you do it?'

'Because the gods tested me, I was troubled.' He answered. You opened your eyes, moving your head to look him into his eyes.

'You don't put me between you and Harald ever again, I'm loyal to you and nobody else. I'm not a piece that needs commanding. I'm still a free woman.' You said. He was searching into your eyes, to weakness or doubt but it wasn't there. You stubbornly looked back in front of you. He placed his lips against your temple and you closed your eyes again, giving in to the feeling he always graced you with.

'You still didn't answer my question, you still mad at me?' He asked, following you face down, fingers almost carefully running your braid away from your neck as his lips kissed you underneath your ear.

'I'm still mad.'

'Good.' He muttered, kissing your neck while his hand sneaked around your waist, flattening over your stomach while he pushed your back closer into his chest. Why was he so hard to love sometimes, while other moments he was the only thing you thought about.