are u awake?

❤️🤡

I didn't want to wait until tomorrow, he deserved to be the first to know out of our group. I mean, he's going to be the most effected by it.

can we go to the field ?

❤️🤡

yeah

❤️🤡

I slip my phone in my pocket before quickly climbing down the side of the balcony and walking out of my backyard. Co was already waiting for me at his truck.

It was two in the morning and he still managed to look as good as ever.

"Hey what's wrong?" He questions just as I approach

"Just got a lot on my mind," I tell him, I wanted to wait until we got to the field.

"Let's go then," he nods before holding open the door for me, carefully closing it once I'm inside before going over to his side. "Want to stop at McDonald's?"

"Yes," I nod. Food makes everything better even if that food is McDonald's.

We didn't talk much driving through town or even after we got our food.

It felt like we were in the truck longer than normal when we go to the field, but that's probably because he's taking a different way there.

Bockerman was faster, but I know for myself that I can't even think of the road without wanting to cry hysterically and throw up all at the same time.

I know he's right there with me on that one.

"Okay," he says after we park and set up everything in the bed of his truck. We both just sat there with our chicken nuggets "what's up?"

"I wanted to tell you this before anyone else," I start "I-I'm moving to California in two weeks."

He was quiet for a minute as he just looked at me.

The silence was almost deafening, he'd never been this quiet before.

"Co, I-I can't breathe here, everywhere I go I'm looked at like I'm this broken puppy and everywhere I look I'm reminded of him and-and I-"

"Bails I understand," he nods "You don't have to explain anything to me,"

"You aren't mad?" I just look up at him and he shakes his head a small smile coming to his face as his eyes welled with tears. Mine were already at that point.

"Princess I could never be mad at you for something like this,"

"I'm so sorry," I wipe my eyes. I knew this hurt him. He and I were supposed to have two more months, not weeks.

"Hey, hey look at me," he tips my chin up to look at him "Do not apologize," before placing his lips on mine

"Okay," I nod, testing my head against his as we break apart

"Promise me one thing,"

"What?"

"Promise you'll say goodbye," he holds his pinky up and I can't help but grin

"I promise Kazer," I wrap my pinky around his as my heart ached at the thought of saying goodbye to him. "I love you, so unbelievably much,"

"I love you too" he smiles as a tear falls from his eyes "Fuck I don't even know why I'm crying,"

"It seems like that's all I've done," I laugh as I wipe his eyes before wiping my own

"Yep," he just shakes his head "Is Beck gonna go with you?"

"No, he's staying," I tell him.

"Why?"

"He blames himself," I shrug "and he feels bad leaving,"

Not that I don't. He and I are just dealing with it in different ways.

He shouldn't though, this was all on me.

"He shouldn't," Co voiced his thoughts "and neither should you,"

"What? I-" I go to argue, I did blame myself because it was the truth. If I wasn't stupid, if I didn't ask him to drive Beck home, if I didn't go through with Biancas stupid ass dare, if I could've done something to stop the bleeding, he would still be here.

"I can see it in your eyes Bailey," he says in complete seriousness "You're different, obviously you are, we all are, but it's not just because of the fact that he's gone it's because you blame yourself for all of this from the second you went through with Bianca's dare to us saying goodbye and you shouldn't." He holds my face as I just look up at him, tears brimming my eyes "You can't blame yourself. The only one to blame here is the person who got behind the wheel knowing damn well they were drunk,"

"It should've been me." I start to cry

"Bailey." The look on his face completely breaks me. He wants to fix things, he wants to fix me but nothing can help what's already damaged. I can't go a day without thinking that.

It should've been me.

"No Caleb. You can't deny the fact that I should've been the one in that truck, not Beck and sure as hell not Jordan. I am the one that fucked up, and he fucking payed for it," I'm hyperventilating by this point, my hands were shaking and I was rambling.

"Bailey-" he tried to talk but I just kept going

"He shouldn't be the one that's dead. He was perfect he had everything, he was going to be amazing. He was good to everyone, not one person can say otherwise and-"

I'm cut off with his lips on mine, he kisses me like his life depends on it. Like he needs me. It was short though and he breaks away before pulling me into his chest.

"I'm sorry I just didn't know how to make you stop, you were shaking and I just got scared," he says quietly as he rubs circles on my back with one hand with the other still wrapped around me.

"Princess you can't tell yourself that. None of this was your fault. Nothing. Fucked up shit happens, no one understands why and it hurts like a bitch. Humans are wired to find reason but when we can't we conjure up meaning for things to make it make sense, it doesn't mean they're always right though. This was not your fault Bailey. and Jordan, though he's never and would never hit a woman, would smack you if he were here," he says quietly resting his head on top of mine

"If you died, Bailey, I wouldn't know what I would do." His voice is strained as he mumbled this "I have never loved anyone the way I love you and I don't think I ever will and I know that's stupid as shit to say considering that I'm only eighteen but it's true,"

I'm gonna miss this.

I'm gonna miss him.

"I'm in love with you Co," I look up at him "I wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for you."

He has no idea how many times the thought of him had saved me within the last two weeks.

"I wouldn't want to be," I add

"I love you forever," he smiles, moving one of his hands from my waist to wipe a tear

"I love you forever,"

As true as it was. I will always love him, I was scared to say goodbye to him. I can't see the look on his face when I do.

We stayed there wrapped up in each other for what felt like hours. Holding each other as we watched the night sky turn to light, just sitting in each other's company.

The only thing that could ruin this moment is the current question looming over my head.

What happens with us?

Because after I leave, I don't ever want to come back.

———————————

"Okay so you called us all here," Wes huffs "Is this like a reverse intervention?"

"Do those even exist? I don't think they do, group intervention maybe?" Tyler starts

And here they go.

"I'm very confused," Wes states

"But who would it be for? Usually everyone knows it's happening besides the one person their having it for," Tyler rambles

"Bro did you know this was happening? Cause I didn't," Wes stated

"No I didn't know this was happening, did you?" Tyler questions as the rest of us just sit around watching the two.

"Dude I literally just said-never mind, maybe, just maybe we're getting a together- intervention!"

Oh my god.

"Bro yes! we're like the ultimate best friends we get fuckin interventions together," Him and Tyler fist bump and I'm sitting there dumbfounded at them. They were so smart yet so stupid sometimes. For the first time I actually want to laughs

"Oh my god," Emma just stares at them. We all do, until a split second later, we're all laughing. Like really really laughing.

My stomach started to hurt as we all calmed down, we really needed that. We don't have that too often anymore.

I was beyond tired, and absolutely terrified to tell them but this made it a little easier knowing that after that laugh there was no way they were a sad as the were when they arrived.

"Okay Bails, real reason you called us all here," Lexi grins

"I-uh-I'm-" I don't know why but I was struggling to bring myself to tell them.

"Spit it out B," Em says

"I'm moving to California in less than two weeks."

There it was, I spit it out, and they just sat there shocked as they stared at me.

"I thought you weren't going?" Em speaks up first, she looked like she was about to cry beside my brother

"I wasn't," I shake my head, "but I have to Em,"

"No I-I get it, we were just supposed to have a little longer," she starts to cry as she walks over and hugs me

"I'm sorry Em," I just hold my best friend

"Dont be sorry Bails" I feel her shake her head "You need to get away, this could be good for you,"

She had a little more knowledge concerning where I was at mentally considering she forced it out of me. She hasn't left me alone and she's hell of a lot pushier than Co is, he lets me talk on my own, Em forces me to talk.

It's a good balance between the two honestly.

A minute later Wes and Ty wrap their arms around us.

As much as I love Amy and Lexi and they were as much apart of us as anyone, the four of us plus co my brothers and Jordan have been through literally everything together. We grew up together and have been there for eachother through every event in our lives, this is big for us, it's a lot.

"We're proud of you Bails," Wes wipes a tear away as we all break sort

"And we love you," T adds. He hasn't started crying yet but the area around his eyes is turning red and his eyes themselves are starting to water "A lot," he huffs

"When are you leaving?" Lexi questions, she wasn't crying but her eyes were red around liek T's were

"My dad, Cheri and I are leaving two weeks from yesterday,"I nod wiping a tear "It's a long drive and we're taking two cars to fit like my necessities and just buy whatever else I'll need over there,"

It was insane to think that I'll be leaving in two weeks. I don't plan on coming back. I've already started looking at apartments out there. Obviously for the first few months I'm in dorms but I want to find an apartment so I can stay there full time.

"I can't believe you're leaving," Amy sighs, her face was sad as was everyone else's "We're gonna miss you,"

"Me too,"

We all sat there just looking at each other, not knowing what to do or say. It felt like everything was ending and it was to a degree. Regardless of how old we may act or how much we've been through, I think we ourselves forget how young we really are.

We're kids who should've never had to experience this kind of heartbreak, and now we're just trying to find ways to save ourselves.