I started crying on the way home from Janie's. I'd just broken up with my boyfriend because I think I just might, just maybe, like a guy whose been off limits since forever. Why the hell was I crying?

God I feel like a little bitch with all the crying I've done in the passed week. I never cry but you would've never known based on the passed few days.

I just sit in the truck for a minute before walking inside, I didn't want to be questioned, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to go in, eat and take a nap.

After a few minutes, and multiple looks in the mirror to ensure I don't look like I've been crying, I walk inside. Thankfully none of my brothers are here, but the one person I didn't want to talk to even more was.

"Hey" Co greets as I walk into the kitchen. I feel myself stop slightly at the sound of his voice but continue to do what I came in here to do

"Oh I totally forgot to tell you I got something in the mail-woah were you crying?" He cuts himself off mid-sentence

"No" I say quietly before grabbing a granola bar and walking away. I can't let myself be weird around him now, but right now I genuinely was tired.

"Wait come back" he says quickly as he follows me out "Where did you go? Are okay?"

"I went to talk to Dallas." I say before I try to walk upstairs, he blocks me though "Caleb please, I just want to go to bed"

"What did he do?" He says, his face now hard and he seemed pissed.

"Nothing" I say before walking around him and up the stairs

"Belle-"

"Can I please just go to bed? I'm tired, I just broke up with my boyfriend and have not had a good fucking day. I appreciate the concern but I'm fine" I snap at him before storming into my room and slamming the door. I never really yelled at him like that. God I need to get control of myself. He's done nothing wrong and I'm still being a bitch to him, good job Belle, don't be weird but sure, be a complete bitch, that'll really make things better.

I hear the front door open and close before Arrex announces he's home. I debate going back down to apologize and greet my brother but instead crawl into my bed and pass out. I didn't want to deal with anything right now.

------

"Hey get up" I hear Jordan's annoying voice

"What?" I groan as I sit up. I didn't even realize I slept that late until I actually looked around and noticed how dark it was.

"It's ten at night, I wanna talk" he huffs as he sits next to me on my bed

"This couldn't have waited till morning?"

"No. How did things go with Dallas?" He questions

"Surprisingly well" I smile slightly "I mean bad on my end cause now I'm confused and blah, but he seemed okay. He apologized for the things he said and although we ended it, we both agreed to stay friends."

"That's it?" He asks with a raised brow "No you're definitely leaving something out"

"Jordan can I sleep please?" I lay down as I whine

"Nope, tell me what's up" he pulls me up

"He said I have feelings for Caleb" I mumbles quietly

"He what?"

"He said I have feelings for Caleb" I state louder this time with an eye roll "And I think he's right."

"It's about damn time, I thought you were never going to realize it" Jordan huffs "I knew you were lying when we were talking that one day about Dallas."

"What? How?" I look at him with my eyebrows raised, there was no way for him to tell.

"I'm just a genius" he says simply with a small grin "No but seriously, just the way you guys are together proved it. I mean he is the one you go to for everything, and he'll do literally anything to make you feel better."

"No Jordy. I cannot like him. It's just some stupid thing anyway" I say simply. It wasn' like I was going to do anything about it. Caleb and I are friends and I would never want to jeopardize that because feelings got involved.

"So you aren't going to do anything?" He asks

"Nope. I can't. Like I said just some stupid feeling that I'll be over in two weeks" I say simply. It was probably just some stupid crush. I need to think rationally about this, I need to be realistic. "Besides, have you met Caleb? He could have any girl he wants, there's no way he'd settle for me."

"Belle I don't-"

"Jordan, I'm sorry but I just need to leave it alone. Nothing will ever happen between us, he does not like me like that and even if he did, my brothers would kill us. So yeah I know you don't think it's the best thing to do, but right now, it's what I'm going to do." With finality in my voice he when quiet and just nodded.

"Are you still tired?" He questions quietly

"Not at all" I sigh in response, I was up, and I will be for at least another two hours

"Criminal minds?"

"Yes"

-----

"Okay Christmas is in two days and I only have two batches of cookies done" I say staring at the list of deserts I have to make.

When I was about twelve, I took over dessert duty. Up until that point my dad had done all of it, when he finally had a kid who actually enjoyed cooking, he taught me how to bake all the desserts and since then it has become my responsibility every Christmas.

It was really mine and my dads thing, none of my brothers liked to cook besides Beck. They all knew how of course, my dad made it a point to teach all of them how to cook, but none of them did it out of their own free will like I did.

In total I have to make four batches of chocolate chip cookies, one oatmeal raisin, one snickerdoodle, then I have to make the two chocolate cakes, three batches of pumpkin squares, a batch of pecan squares, two blueberry cheesecakes And haystacks. The haystacks were probably the easiest out of all of them, they were simple, all you needed were chow mein noodles and melted butterscotch chips. Once they were combined, you just clumped small balls of them together and let the butterscotch harden. That was the one I usually let the kids do. It seems like a lot to most people but if you take into account the amount of people that are coming it makes sense. One thing in beyond greatful for this year is the fact that my grandparents will not be in attendance or Christmas Eve . No one has spoken to them since the whole blowout on the twins birthday.

"Oh it's smells good in here" Ryan and Lance practically moan as they enter the kitchen

"Please never make those noises again" I grin at both of them before quickly smacking their hands away from one of the Christmas tins already filled with cookies

"You have to wait till tomorrow"

"Is it me or has she gotten meaner in the passed three years" Lance questions looking at his best friend

"Oh definitely" my idiot brother replies making me roll my eyes. It was good having them home, I really missed them.

"I can't wait till Christmas" Lance grins "When is Lacy coming in?" He questions looking at me. His younger sister Lacy still had no idea he was home, she moved up north and is currently is an EMT to the Dallas fire department. She originally enlisted in the army and became a field medic straight out of high school but was honorably discharged last year due to permanent injury when she was just twenty one.

"Wait Lace is coming?" Ryan instantly perks up at the mention of her name

"Yeah she'll be here, but don't tell her we're here, I want to suprise her." He smiles softly at the thought of his little sister. Throughout their lives, it's really only ever been Lance and Lacey. Their dad was an alcoholic who if he wasn't drinking was passed out on their couch, and their mom was usually out getting high off whatever her drug of the week was. They were the ones to always take care of each other, we really became their second family. Since I could remember, they'd always come over for holidays and my parents would even always buy them presents.

"Speak of the devil" I grin as I glance at my now ringing phone "Hey El"

"Hey Bellaboo, So what time would be good for me to come in on Sunday ?"

"Anytime is fine! We're having Christmas dinner at four so anytime before then!"

"Get here early!" Ryan says somewhat loudly

"Wait Belle whose that?" She questions as Lance and I both smack him upside the head

"Oh just Ace, everyone's excited to see you! It's been way too long"

"Yeah it has, I can't wait to see everyone either. Tell them I miss them and love them and I will definitely be there by tomorrow morning" I hear her laughs lightly over the phone "Okay I have to go but I love ya little ski and I'll see you on Sunday"

"Love you too Elle" I grin before hanging up "You idiot!" I yell at Ryan as Lance smacks him

"Sorry it was just too tempting" he teases before strolling out of the kitchen, Lance just rolls his eyes at his best friend before following him out. "We're going to get some ice cream, we'll be back in a bit!"

Just as the front door closes I hear the garage door open. I swear sometimes this house was just constant opening and closing doors of various people coming in and out.

"Hey are the boys here?" Caleb questions looking around

"It's quiet" I grin softly at him. If it was quiet in the house, that was a surefire sign that the boys weren't home.

"Good. I-uh-I'm sorry about yesterday. I really shouldn't have been so pushy and annoying." he scratches the back of his neck as he bounces in his feet

"No Co it's fine. I was just being stupid and over dramatic yesterday and I shouldn't have taken it out on you." I sigh loudly before looking up at him. He was still worried about me, I could see it in his eyes.

"Nah I think you were pretty reasonable" he grins at me "You just broke up with the first boyfriend you actually liked"

"I liked the other ones!" I laugh at him. I mean the two before were cute but he is right, they were just for fun, it was honestly barely a relationship.

"Dude you barely knew the other ones" he starts to laugh at me. It was true, they were fun people to be around but I don't really know know them like I did Dallas.

"Oh fair" I say with a smile "but I'm still really sorry"

"You don't need to apologize princess," he grins

God I could feel my heart beating faster at that smile.

"Hey do you want to help me make these I still have a lot to bake by noon tomorrow and I only have two batches of chocolate chips done" I question uneasily, I hated having help while I was in the kitchen but for once I wouldn't really mind it.

"Wait-is the Bailey-Belle Kalanski , asking me, Caleb Kazer, to help her bake?" He teases with a grin as he ties the princess apron around his waist just as the doorbell rings.

"Oh shut up smartass and go get the door" I laugh at the stupid apron. I haven't used that since I was six. At this point I don't even wear an apron.

"Hey who" I start to say as I approach the door after a few minutes of silence. I could hear faint arguing so decided to check it out. As I approach the door and see Caleb. Just by the way he was standing, Caleb looked pissed, the I notice he has a hold on Dallas's shirt.

"Co! Stop" I order grabbing his fist and prying it off off Dallas' shirt . "Hey Dallas" I smile softly at him, still holding Caleb's hand

"Hey" He says with a cocky grin as he looks back from Caleb to me. I could feel Caleb's gaze burning in the back of my head. That was one of the things I had liked about him, he wasn't terrified of my brothers or Caleb, even with a giant about to punch him, he still plastered on his cocky smirk. "I just came back to give you back this, you forgot it last night"

He holds out my wallet and hands it to me before offering an actually smiles.

"Oh thanks" Just grin as I say this, the timer for one of the cookie batches goes off "Oh I have to go get that but thank you, I'll uh- talk to you later?"

"Yeah, bye Belle" he nods before hopping down the step and walking back to the driveway

"Okay what the fuck? You were crying over him last night and now you guys are friends?"

"I wasn't crying over him, just other things, and yeah we're friends." I grin at his face. he looked like a confused puppy, it was cute. I was surprised at how Dallas and I broke things off, but I was happy it was like that. I still really liked him as a person even if it wasn't romantically and still wanted him in my life.

"But- He was- I am so confused" Caleb follows me into the kitchen "I thought he made you cry-I was just about to punch him for no reason"

"Oh don't act like you haven't wanted to do it for the passed five months" I laugh. I know him, along with all of my brothers have wanted to punch him for a while now

"Okay fair, but I'm still confused on how he's okay with this. I mean wasn't he the one who was in love with you?"

"Yes. He understands how I feel though, he knows that he's not the one I love. After learning that, he kinda just accepted what he already knew" I explain quickly. It was when he went quiet, I realized what I had said

"Not the one?" Caleb questions

"No, no I meant- that I just, didn't love him, nor anyone else. left it at that and nothing else" I say with a straight face "Okay are you ready to bake, cause we have to have this shit done by tomorrow"

"Uh, Yeah, lets go" He smiles his fake smile before grabbing more measuring cups and bowls.

I could tell he was thinking about something but decided to leave it be. Maybe he'd just let it go?

One could only hope.