Seokjin (continued)

I woke up feeling numb and groggy, blinking repeatedly to adjust to the light I noticed I was not in my bedroom at home. I was in a hospital room. I tried to move but it hurt and I felt extremely heavy, even trying to reach the call button was a lot. With a heavy sigh I hoped a nurse or doctor would come in soon and closed my eyes, trying to think. It wasn't long before I heard the click of the large door opening.

"Looks like he's still asleep. I'm going to check his vitals but you can stay, I'll only be a moment" a feminie voice said softly. I lifted my lids to show I was actually awake

"Actually he's awake" Namjoon said, pointing to me with a nod of his head

"Oh, Mr. Kim, can you speak?" the nurse asked standing on the left side of the bed where all the machinery was stationed. I tried to talk but my throat was really sore and dry. "It's okay, don't force it. I'm going to check your vitals then I will bring you some water" I nodded

She worked quickly, the room was quiet as she didn't say much and Namjoon hadn't opened his mouth. Once she was gone he leaned over the right side of the bed and I could tell he had been crying and it made my heart sink. I couldn't believe I let my selfishness lead me to this point, where Namjoon cried because of me, where Yoongi and I barely talked anymore, where I was being a dick to my lovers who are also my best friends, and to where I risked my life and Ma-ri's because I was being stubborn; I was hurting the people I loved most in every way.

The redness of his eyes made mine water, he grabbed my hand and squeezed it giving me a weak smile "You had us all so worried but I am so, so glad you're okay" his voice was scratchy

The nurse came in with a cup of water and set it on the bed table. Joon thanked her and then held the straw to my lips, I eagerly siphoned the cool water until I was satisfied. I cleared my throat, no longer dry but still sore and thanked him. He sat the cup back down and caressed my face

"Jin, tell me what's going on"

"H-how is Ma-ri? Is she alright?" I asked feeling guilty

"She is. Tell me" he pulled up the chair to sit and listen

I exhaled then cleared my throat again, "I have a pure connection with Ma-ri," I started and his eyes bulged. Pure connections were always rare and even more so today. "The day her mother died was the day I connected with her, the traumatic experience rocked her so hard that her beacon was prematurely activated. That's when my migraines began and I thought I was dying until one night I was in bed about to drift off and I started getting flashes of weird images in front of my eyes. I thought I was starting to hallucinate but even when I blinked or closed my own eyes I could still see the images as they became a clear picture except it wasn't a picture it was a face. Her face." I paused feeling my emotions rise and my eyes welling up.

"She was standing in front of a slumped over body, with fat tears cascading down her cheeks and dropping onto her shirt. I thought I was having a lucid dream at first, it felt like I was there with her, like I was her because I felt the pain in her chest too. I felt the breaking of her heart, the instant loneliness and the anger that raged inside of her, I felt it all as if it was originating within me. At the same time I felt extreme sadness and pity for her, she didn't see it but she heard her mother kill herself; Ma-ri heard the gun go off while trying to break down the door to save her" My tears were racing down my face and I was nearly sobbing at the awful memory.

"Joon, it was so awful" He silently cried as I talked. "She saw her mom like that with her own two eyes only minutes after it happened. I-I was utterly devastated for her. A few days later I told my parents that I kept having weird dreams and that I was getting severe headaches so they took me to the doctor but they found nothing physically wrong with me so they sent us back home. At the time I didn't know much about soulmates, just that they used to exist and now they don't, or so we thought. Maybe a month later I connected with her again, this time she was having a mental breakdown and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital by her grandmother. That's when I really felt everything, the hurt, the pain, the anguish, the love, the longing and her desire to kill herself"

"Wh-what?" he asked with barely a voice, he wiped his face but fresh tears made new tracks.

"She wanted to end her life" I confirmed for him "With pure connections, soulmates bond in every way equally- physically, emotionally and mentally- and those bonds create a fourth strand in soulmate dna known as the binder. Because soulmates have three strand dna as opposed to the regular person with the double helix form, ours resembles a braid and the binder is wrapped around the braid to keep the connections pure and strong, like a protective guard. This was made known to me and my parents when the migraines didn't stop so they took me to the hospital again and this time I was admitted for full testing. I was there for two whole days undergoing every scan you can think of, getting crazy amounts of blood drawn, urine samples, oral swabs, and anything else you can think of and most stuff came back normal but some of my bloodwork and a brain MRI raised suspicions. A doctor I had not met during my stay at the hospital came in to talk to me and my parents, who were worried sick about me, and that's when we found out I was a soulmate. He was a soulmate scientist, his name is Dr. Moon, and he explained that I was trying to connect with her but in her current state her mind was unknowingly rejecting me which caused my migraines." I explained, seeing him process everything I've been saying

"So you've been dealing with these for nearly twelve years which means you knew Ma-ri was our soulmate this whole time, even before Yoongi started having his dreams"

"I did but it's not that simple. The migraines were becoming more frequent and more intense but none of the treatments worked on me because of my dna. They weren't sophisticated enough to be able to target the migraine alone so after many trials and failed treatments Dr. Moon found out about an experimental drug that was being secretly tested in the US for my exact situation. I was desperate for any sort of relief so I told him I would try the drug if he could access it for me. What we didn't know at the time were the long term effects and how detrimental it was to the soulmate connection and how severe the side effects could be. I had been taking it for years not knowing it was eating away at the binder like a termite on wood. I stopped taking the medication shortly after I found out you all were my soulmates and the migraines almost stopped completely so I figured that connecting with you all was the solution to my problem."

"So when did you start taking it again?"

"Almost a year ago, a few months after Yoongi's dreams started. At first it was because of the migraines because they started coming more often, by then I was well aware of the effects it had on my bond but I did it anyway because of Ma-ri. I know what I'm about to say sounds terrible but it was how I felt at the time and I was being irrational. I didn't want Ma-ri here because of the pain she was going to bring me. I didn't want to hurt like that again so I kept quiet about her, hoping against all odds that she would never find us. But she did and everyone was so enamored with her instantly and it upset me that I was the only one that suffered like I did even though I knew she didn't know it was happening and it wasn't her fault. Remembering the pain and agony I felt for so long because of our connection made me resent her as my soulmate. The medication altered my thinking and mood because it was once again eating away at the binder and negatively affecting my connections with all of you. I know I was wrong but starting the meds again seemed like the only way to not suffer so that's what I did. I realized how selfish and stupid I was being so I stopped taking them over three weeks ago but it's not completely out of my system, my body is going through withdrawal and that's why I'm here, like this right now." My eyes stung from all the crying and my body was still weak but I also felt ten times better getting that off my chest and conscience. "I threw out the rest of the pills so I wouldn't be tempted no matter how bad they got. I know I have to apologize to Ma-ri along with a lot of groveling and pleading and pray like a monk that she'll find it in her heart to forgive eventually. She's my cure and I love her, I want my relationship with her"

"You said you stopped taking them about three weeks ago, right?" he asked with a puzzled look on his face, like was still putting the pieces together to see the finished picture

"Yeah, a few days after her craving actually"

"Is that why you hugged her last week?" I nodded "She told me about it and asked me what I thought it meant but I wasn't sure what to tell her but now it makes sense."

"That moment was so nice and then I fucked it up the very next day" I wiped my face with the palms of my hands "I was such a jerk and I'm sorry" Joon stood up from his chair and leaned over the bed rail to kiss me

"Jinnie, I forgive you" he said pulling "And Ma-ri will too. She will understand"

"I hope so. Where is she?"

"A few doors down, Yoongi, Taehyung and Jungkook are with her right now. Jimin and Hobi are waiting to see you, would you like me to get them?"

"Please" he snatched a few tissues from the box on the table then passed it to me so we could clean our faces. He left, coming back not even a minute later with them in tow. I could tell they had also been crying

"Oh my god Jin!" Jimin exclaimed, throwing his body on mine "Are you okay? I was so scared"

"Oof!" I groaned on impact

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm just so happy you're finally awake" he sniffled, lifting his weight off of me. Hobi smiled at me with tears in his eyes then leaned in for a hug

"I'm really glad you're okay" he whispered in my ear then pulled back

"Thanks, and I'm sorry for putting you all in this predicament. I made a stupid decision but I promise I'll never do something so reckless again"

"It's okay baby, we all make mistakes. We love you and we are here for you, always" Joon told me with Jimin tucked under his arm

"What was the stupid decision?" Hoseok's confused face looked from me to Namjoon

"I'll explain when we're all together"

"Alright"

"How long have I been here?"

"Since last night, it's only been a day," Joon answered "Your parents are on their way to Seoul, Jungkook called them"

"Hm. My mom's going to tear me a new one" I chuckled "Not that I don't deserve it"

"Don't go beating yourself up Jin, I told you she'll understand"

"Is she really okay? I don't know what was happening to her"

"She's absolutely fine now, she said she had some chest pain and a splitting headache so they rushed her in with you. After running some tests the doctors said she experienced a pretty bad migraine and gave her some meds for it but other than that she's been good" Jimin explained. I felt much better knowing she was okay.

Even though I had just woken up I still felt tired and sleepy, I guess my body needed more rest. I yawned and sank even further into the hospital bed. I didn't want them to leave but I was going to fall asleep whether I wanted to or not.

"Now that we know you're okay we are going to let you rest. You should be able to come home tomorrow so we will come back then. I'll check in with mom and dad too" Hoseok spoke while rubbing my head

"Okay, thanks Hobi" after a round of hugs the three of them left my room making it quiet again.

Although I had yet to speak with Ma-ri I was feeling better without that burden weighing me down. My main concern now was how she'd react to everything once I told her the truth. I could only hope she was as understanding as Namjoon said and be willing to forgive me. I was willing to do whatever it took to get in her good graces and show her how much she really meant to me. I couldn't wait to tell her how much I loved her.

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Ahhhhhh! Jin has finallly revealed why he's been acting like a dickhead. What do you guys think? Tell me your honest opinions. Were his actions justified? How do you think Ma-ri will respond when he tells her? Writing this chapter made me emotional, I actually cried writing some of it (I've cried while writing several chapter of this book).

I hope my "science" sounded believable. I know almost nothing about DNA and genetics, etc. so I spewed some nonsense that sounded good to me lol

I was going to delay posting this until next weekend but I could not leave y'all hanging like that. I really do spoil y'all 💝