When I came to, I was able to deduce I was still at Minji's house, laid out on the floor with her sitting next to me. Thankfully they didn't take me to a hospital, I hate hospitals. I slowly sat up and rubbed my chest that was no longer aching and noticed my cardigan was no longer on my body

"You were sweating so profusely we had to take it off of you. How do you feel?" Minji asked obviously worried about the episode she just witnessed

"I'm okay now, thank you for your help and for not taking me to a hospital"

"You're welcome" I stood up with her help "Why did that happen? Are you sure you're okay?"

"I don't know exactly why, when I get excited or overwhelmed my body just shuts down like that" I shrugged my cardigan back on "Please thank Minsu and your mother for their help as well"

"You're leaving?" Minsu asked coming in from another room

"Yes, I think today was enough for everyone and that I should get back to the hotel" the siblings looked at each other with concern, I'm guessing for me "I really am okay, trust me. It's not the first time and won't be the last. I deal with it"

"Alright. Please contact us if you need anything... Maybe we can grab lunch tomorrow and get to know each other better, in a... less stressful setting" Minji offered with a hopeful smile. I hated feeling like I was being a bitch to her but I had no desire to know anymore about these people than I already did.

"I'll let you know, I'm still working while I'm here so I will be pretty busy for the next two days"

"Oh okay. Well get back safe and we're here if you need us" Mi-kyung appeared as I slipped my shoes on successfully this time Minji and Minsu stood side by side waving me goodbye.

I waved back then left the house, just as I was about to get it the backseat of the car Mi-kyung came out causing me to stop and look to her

"Look, I know you hated your father and I don't care if you and I ever get along but don't punish your siblings because of it. They were so excited to meet you, Minji cried when you agreed to come and planned all kinds of things the three of you could do together. They have both always wanted to meet you and now that they have I fear Minji may regret reaching out to you. I'm not saying you have to become best friends overnight but I hope you give them a chance before completely shutting them out of your life" she expressed. This was her being a mother. She saw her children pained and did what she could to remedy it for them.

Not that I would know but I guess it is true what they say, even when your children are grown and gone a mother never stops being a mother.

"I appreciate you saying that but I think it's just easier if we all go back to not knowing each other after this is over. I'm an only child, always have been and always be"

"No you're not but I won't beg you to accept my children. They've got each other but who do you have?" With that she turned away and went back inside to the warmth of her home and her family.

I climbed in the car and closed the door behind myself, the cold air was blasted away by the intense setting of the heat but I was still cold. Not from the air but from Mi-kyung's words, she was right I had no one. I decided not to dwell on her or my half siblings, the plan was still in effect; attend the funeral and leave. I spent the ride back to my hotel responding to emails, I looked up for a moment when we stopped at a light and saw a huge billboard for BTS.

"They must be like royalty, they are everywhere" I got a strangely familiar feeling the longer I stared at the billboard. Shaking off the feeling when my phone pinged with another email. Ten minutes later I was walking through the lobby to the elevators.

Once I was on my floor and in my room I went into the bathroom to start the shower. While it warmed up I undressed from my sweat stained clothes then washed off my makeup. I stared at myself in the mirror, it didn't take long to see that I am the perfect combination of my parents. I have my father's eye shape and nose and my mother's eye color, big lips and body type, my complexion a well balanced blend of her deep, expensive cocoa colored skin and his almost-honey like pigment. My hair was also a team effort, it was long, thick, ebony and curly, that I often kept pulled back and as straight as it would get which was more of a loose wave than straight.

The longer I looked the more sad I became, I miss my mom so much. It's been 11 years since she took her life but the pain feels as fresh as that day. Every time I think of her I get emotional and I also remember him. I hate remembering my father especially when he so easily forgot about us and moved on like we never happened. I came out of my head and wiped away the silent tears. I stepped into the shower letting the hot water heat me up and mask my crying, the sound of the running water drowned out my sobbing. After I managed to calm down I washed my hair first then my body with the conditioner sat then rinsed that out as well. I left the shower feeling an ounce better and did my face routine.

It was still early in the day so I got dressed again in more casual clothes, this time deciding I would go out and walk around and grab some food to bring back for when I got hungry later.

Seoul is much different than I remember or at least I think it is. Honestly most of my memories of Korea in general are linked to bad times in my life so I could be just now seeing what's really like. I walked for a long time and it felt nice, I didn't think about anything. I allowed my mind to go competently blank. Before long I found myself in Itaewon, so I slowed my stroll to read the names of the different signs for shops and restaurants stopping in front of a little store with a giant poster of BTS plastered on its front window. Again one of the boys in the picture looked so familiar to me but I know I'd never met him before. I went to an all girls school when I lived here so I didn't know any boys but still his face was in my memories somehow.

I kept walking until I came upon a bar so I went in and took a seat. I felt eyes on me immediately.

" A short girl with dark makeup and pink space bins asked with hand motions and a crooked smile

"Hi, I'd like a bottle of soju please" I smiled politely

"Oh! S-sure, coming right up" barely a minute later she set a glass and the bottle right in front of me, twisting off the cap for me

"Thank you" I poured some into the glass and drank it in one swallow. Two women sitting to my far left watched me for several minutes. I tried ignoring their intense glaring but it started to bother me so I looked at them both and raised my glass before downing another shot.

My phone vibrated in my pocket so I pulled it out to see a text from Minji.

Hey Ma-ri, I don't mean to bother you. Min-su and I were worried and just wanted to check on you. Text back if you have time

: Hey, I'm fine. Thanks for checking on me.

: Glad to hear it 🙂

I stuck my phone back in my pocket and poured another glass full of soju. One of the girls was coming my way so I swallowed quickly.

"Choi Ma-ri?" She questioned with her eyebrows nearly to her hairline

"Who's asking?"

"I knew that was you, it's me Song Da-Yeon from school" she threw her arms around me

"Sorry can't say I remember you" I pushed her off of me

"I definitely remember you" she said with a tone less friendly than just a few seconds prior

"Well there weren't a ton half black-half Koren girls so I'm sure you do" I was already irritated with this chick and I sensed she was about to press my buttons if I didn't leave "Thank you for the drink" I laid a few bills on the counter

"Sorry to hear about your dad" she said with a faux frown "Are you in town for his funeral?"

Just walk away Ma-ri.

Just walk away.

I chanted the words in my mind as I walked towards the exit. Just as I reached the door I heard her say something that set me off.

"That's the one whose mom killed herself when her dad left," she said to her friend. I flexed my fingers and marched right over to her and smack her as hard as I could across her face

"Don't you ever fix your over-injected lips to speak on my mother or me even again!" The patrons of the bar went silent

"You crazy black bitch!" She hollered while holding her reddened cheek. I dumped her drink on her head then ran out the bar and kept running until my lungs were depleted of all air.

I wasn't sure of where I was but I had to get out of there before the cops came. I was sure someone called them. I turned the corner to a less crowded area and sank to the ground pulling my knees up to my chest.

Calm down.

Just breathe.

Breathe.

You can't pass out on the street after assaulting someone.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Once my body stopped shaking and my heartbeat resembled a normal rhythm I walked back towards the main street. I began walking back in the direction I initially came from as I walked my stomach grumbled and I remembered I was hungry.

"I can order room service when I get back" before I got another meter it growled again "Maybe I should get a snack or something to hold me over"

A conveniently placed convenience store caught my eye from across the street so I ran over. I popped in, grabbed a whole bunch of junk food, a few cups of instant ramyeon, some cold brew coffees and three bottles of soju, checked out and hailed a cab to get back to my temporary home.