I hate this country.

Yeah it's beautiful.

But I hate it.

Why? You may ask, well let me tell you.

This is where my life was ruined nearly beyond repair. Where I was teased and bullied to a severity that rivaled abuse.

This is where my father left my mother and I without warning, without notice. Just left one day and never came back and we never heard from him again

This is where my mother committed suicide. Where I lost the one person that really loved me. Where I lost my best friend.

I swore to myself that I would never step foot in South Korea ever again. Swore it. Yet here I am in this hellhole of trauma and pain. Why the fuck did I agree to come back here? And for my father's funeral no less. Curiosity? Maybe, I don't really know but something deep, really deep, like the unknown depths of the oceans deep, made me buy a ticket and get on the plane.

I'm going to regret this. I know it. I can feel it in my bones, nagging and my scar is aching, increasingly so, which means something bad is bound to happen. My scar is like a sixth sense, a back-up intuition and it always warns me of impending bad news and every time I don't listen to it I end up screwed.

I shouldn't be here. This is a disaster in the making. As I stepped out of the airport the cool wind whipped my loose hair across my face. With my suitcase and carryon I found the town car waiting for me and gave the driver the address to my hotel. On the drive I decided to text my half-sister to let her know I was in the country and she tried, for the tenth time, to convince me to stay with her family.

Abso-fucking-lutely not.

I declined her offer, again, explaining I'd be more comfortable at the hotel I booked. It was very expensive, very fancy and up to my standard of comfort and luxury. As we arrived a well dressed employee handled my luggage while I went to check in. With my key card and welcome packet in hand I decided to stop off at the bar for a much needed drink. I tipped the bellman handsomely before I did since I wasn't going to my room right away.

The bartender asked in English, I know my black side was more prominent but my Asian side was obvious too. Whatever.

"Whisky sour please" I replied in flawless Korean. He blinked his shock away instantly and went to fix my drink. I unwrapped the scarf from my neck and shrugged off my coat, smoothing my hair out of my hair.

I took in the crowd in the bar, not too many people but enough to create a soft murmur of voices. A lot of men and some women, including myself, counted seven of us. My drink was placed in front of me on a black napkin

"Oh, that's good" I said after taking a healthy sip of it. I ordered one and drank at my leisure before deciding to head up to my room.

When I walked in I smelled fresh flowers, I thoroughly examined the room and checked my luggage to make sure there weren't any dents, scratches or tears. Everything looked good so I began to relax after I undressed and took a long hot shower I wanted a bath but was afraid I'd fall asleep. I scrolled through my phone, multitasking emails, social media and work for a while then my body gave in to sleep.

The next day I woke up late in the morning, checked my phone and saw it was near noon so I got up. I ordered breakfast through room service and freshened up while I waited for it to arrive. Only fifteen minutes ticked before I was served an egg white omelette with spinach, mushrooms and feta cheese, a side of kimchi with mineral water and kombucha tea to wash it down. After my breakfast I got dressed in black high waisted pants, a cream satin tank and put a caramel colored cardigan over it. With my accessories on I put on a little makeup and smoothed my hair back into a low ponytail.

Once I was ready I texted Min-ji, my sister, to let her know I would arrive in half an hour to meet my father's other family. I wasn't thrilled about any of this but I came so there is no point in being sour about it, besides as soon as the funeral is over I am out of here! The car pulled up in front of a nice house, nicer than I expected, just outside of Seoul. Before I got out of the car I saw three people standing outside, in front of the home. The first in line was Min-ji, I recognized her from her pictures, the second person was male- I assumed he was my half brother and the third person was a middle aged woman. His wife.

"Ma-Ri" Min-Ji exclaimed when I stepped out of the car. She gave me a hug which shocked me completely that I didn't even respond to it. I couldn't. "Oh, I am sorry I read somewhere that Americans typically hug when greeting people" she jumped back with an embarrassed flush of pink on her chubby cheeks.

"No harm done" I gave her a quick smile then I extended my hand instead "Nice to meet you in person Min-ji"

"Likewise, this is my brother Min-su and that is our mother, Mi-kyung" she introduced them and I bowed respectfully

"Nice to meet you both as well" Min-su looked like he wanted to hug me too but was resisting the urge. Mi-kyung, on the other hand, looked at me with cold eyes like she could kill me right now and not have a second thought about it.

"Let's go inside, it's not exactly warm out here" Minji said leading the way. Once we're inside I took off my shoes and neatly placed them in the designated area then followed them into the living room.

Minsu offered me tea, which I accepted. I was cold and it was the perfect thing to warm me up. I took a generous sip on the hot beverage feeling it warms me up from the inside as it travels down my esophagus. I was staring into my cup when Minji cleared her throat.

"Ma-ri I know you were reluctant to come here but I'm glad you did. I just wish we could have met under different circumstances"

"Yeah, so how exactly did he die?"

"From lung cancer" Minsu answered

"My mother always told him smoking like he did would kill him one day" I sighed and took another sip of tea "Are the funeral arrangements already settled?"

"Almost, the important tasks are done and finalized. We were hoping you could contribute to the floral arrangement. We didn't want you to feel left out of the whole process but I didn't know how involved you wanted to be"

"I'll pay for all the flowers, is that it?" Mi-kyung scoffed, she sat her cup down on the table hard enough for the liquid inside to spill out

"My husband, your father, is dead and you're acting as if you don't care!"

"Honestly I don't. He didn't care about us either. Not only did her lie to my mother, he betrayed her. He was a liar, a coward and a cheater so excuse me for not crying crocodile tears and falling out over the man that left us without as much as a goodbye" I spoke calmly, I refused to let her get a rise out of me.

"Ma-ri I can't understand how you feel about him and I'm sorry he did that to you and your mother but he was still our father" Minsu spoke up sitting on the edge of his seat.

"Hm no, he was your father. He came back to you, I'm sure he apologized to you. The fact that you aren't more upset proves me right. He left you too, he ran to America and met my mom... he cheated on you Mi-kyung and had a child with another woman as a result of his infidelity" I didn't come here to argue or fight, I knew something like this would happen. I should have stayed my half-black ass in the states. "Look I don't want to fight with you all, I am here for the funeral and then I'm back on the other side of the world for good"

"Just because you hated him doesn't mean we should too" their mother huffed

"Just because you loved him doesn't mean I should too" I spat back. I sat my empty cup on the table and stood up preparing to leave. "Thank you for the tea, I'll see you at the funeral"

"Ma-ri, wait!" Minji called out as I was putting my shoes on "Please don't leave like this, it's just hard for her, for all of us to hear him being talked about like that. I know what he did was awful but you have to understand he changed, he was a better person than the one you knew"

"Good for you but I'm not going to sit here and have my feelings invalidated based on your experience with him." My emotions were running over and I felt myself about to cry. My head began throbbing and my scar ached "Shit" I clutched my chest and shook my head trying to fight on the pain

"Are you okay? Ma-ri!" my knees buckled, if Minji hadn't caught me I would have fallen on the floor "Minsu help me!" He ran over and they picked me up and laid me on the floor putting a pillow behind my head

"I'm fine" I groaned, trying to sit up but in the two minutes it took to move my body all my energy drained making my body limp.

"Mom please get a cold towel for her, she is on fire!" I heard Minsu shout. Their voices became muffled and distant like I was underwater, the last thing I heard was someone suggesting calling for an ambulance before I passed out.