Since I'm abnormal, I didn't admit myself to the hospital after regaining my consciousness when we're travelling back to the village after I collapsed because of exhaustion. I just told Yamato that I'll be going back to the village before them and teleported myself inside my bedroom.

I locked my room and my windows before plopping down on my bed. And there I let every inch of my emotions flowed outside my body. My body shivered when my tears dripped down my face. I had to cover my mouth to cover my sobs. I can't use chakra to activate my sensor to check if Neji's here because I just used my remaining chakra to teleport myself here.

I'm aware of the things that I've said to Sakura and Naruto. I'm aware that I've caused another pain from them but I didn't regret it. What pained me the most was when I saw their pain through their eyes. I felt how Sakura's heart got broken, I felt how Naruto's playful personality disappear after hearing Sasuke's statements.

Damn, do I really need to feel every single pain of them? Do I really need to suffer those? Do I? Really. Why is it always unfair? Why is everything sucks? Was that really because were living in this world full of mixed emotions? I mean, even in Earth has mixed emotions. Why is everything here feels so bad?

Ah. I'm depressed. This is the first time I locked myself and didn't let anyone to know about me. This is the first time I pulled myself away from them. This is the first time I felt so much hurts that... that I can't handle it anymore so I'll let it out.

I cry... and cry again and again but it wasn't enough. The pain is still here. I brought out my cigarette and then light it before starting to inhale everything but still wasn't enough so I pulled another stick. I'm feeling helpless. I began questioning my existence again. I began to doubt myself. I... I began to hurt myself.

I pulled out my kunai and thrust it deeper on my thigh, arms and abdomen. I don't care anymore. It's useless because I can't even feel the pain because of the pain that I'm feeling inside was dominant than this physical pain. It was nothing compared to my doubts! It's nothing compared... compared to... to doubting myself. To feeling guilty of everything! This is nothing!

And no one even understand me. No one CAN! All they did was to scold me, yelled on me, got mad and throw harsh remarks on me when... when all I did was to protect everyone. I didn't care about myself since my guilt didn't vanish from the start. It's there! It's inside me! And it's killing me!

I was avoiding the question 'If ever I get killed, will everything will be alright?' or 'If I didn't just involved myself from the start and didn't get attached to them... will I be happy?'

What am I even doing here? Why am I even transported here? What is my goal?

Ah. I don't care anymore. Shall I leave everything to Naruto? I'm sure... he can do it. After all, he's my little brother. Sakura may be annoying every single time but she's my little sister. And Sasuke may be a foolish but he's my little brother.

I bit my lip to stop myself from thinking negative thoughts. I slashed my arms using my bloody kunai and let myself soak in my own blood. I let out a blow of smoke before weakly pulling another stick of my cigarette.

Damn, there's a lot of maybe's and what if's running through my head. Shit. I'm useless. I don't want to die but... I'm tired. I can't feel the physical pain because I don't care anymore. I'm tired of everything. Maybe a little rest won't be bad.

A sudden burst outside my bedroom made me weakly turn my head.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING!!!!" It was Neji. He immediately throw the kunai on my hands before lifting me like a bride and then the next thing I knew, he's jumping roof by roof and God knows where he's planning me to bring.

I'm tired thinking.

His white attire was stained by my bloods and that actually surprised me since he's a clean freak. Maybe I freaked him out earlier. He just barge and then greeted by my bloodied body.

I'm feeling drowsy.

"Damn, don't you dare close your eyes, Kashina! Don't you dare! We're nearer. Please... please, don't... I can't." What is he talking about? I'm feeling drowsy so I'm going to sleep. After all, I can trust myself to him. He can take care of me even though he dislikes me, he's a very trustworthy man.

Maybe I can make him my boyfriend after saving him from death after the war? What do you think?

"T-take... c-care o-of m-me... I-I'll sleep... now."

"Don't you dare!" He shouted and then shake the hell of my body but I can't take this anymore. I'm sure he'll get mad at me later but I'll just comfort him later. After all, I love seeing him irritated. And I love starting arguments with him.

No. This can't be happening. Please, make it! I fastened my speed to reach the hospital Why our apartment's away from the hospital?!

In the first place, what happened to Kashina? Why... why is she hurting herself? After barging inside her room when I sniffed the scent of her blood, I barged inside. She's holding her kunai that is thrusted in her arms. There's also slash on her abdomen and right thigh. Her eyes were full of pain, anger and... guilt?

She was covered and is soaked with her blood. I didn't waste my time and immediately carried her and made my way outside the house.

This is my first time seeing her like this. Vulnerable. Kashina is always a jolly and a playful person but what I saw earlier was nothing compared to the Kashina I knew. She just broke down in her own and God knows how I wished that I was there earlier! That I was there for her, to hug her or to stay with her! To... to just lessen the pain or the burden she'd felt.

Maybe she got tired. Maybe she wanted to rest earlier. Maybe... maybe if I didn't come she... she's already...

Damn. Why is she always making me worry!

"Please! She's injured!" I told the nurse when I entered the hospital. They brought stretcher so I could lay down her body and then we run towards the emergency room but the nurses just told me to stay outside since I'm panicking so I nodded.

I sat on the bench to lean my head against the wall. I just noticed that her blood stained my clothes but I could care less about that. What important is Kashina's condition. I could feel my knees trembled in fear so I meditate. Nothing good will happen if I freaked out. For now, I had to stay strong for her.

"Neji?" A sudden voice made me stop from focusing. It was Sakura. "W-what happened? Why are you here?" She asked.

"I brought Kashina here. Anyway, what happened to your previous mission? I think that was the reason why she almost killed herself. " I calmly said.

"WHAT?! W-what, h-how is she? Oh my God! Kashina!" She exclaimed while her tears started to flow in her cheeks. I averted my eyes away when I saw guilt in her eyes. I figured that something happened to their teams previous mission and that made her do things like this. "W-wait, I'm going to call everyone. Wait here Neji!" And then she run away.

Not that I have intentions of leaving her alone. I'm feeling mad on them even though I don't know the story. I'm mad because Kashina will never do things like this if she had enough. Maybe they finally pressed her button. I'm mad at them for making her sad. I'm mad at her for hurting herself. I think I can't even bring myself to hurt her like that.

I can't. Or maybe I will never.

I didn't even notice when did I start feeling something about her. Something about love. I didn't notice that I already started taking notes of her hobbies, like, dislike and everything that irritated her. I didn't notice that I'm already attached.

Whenever she's out for her dangerous missions, I can't help but to always feel nervous. I trust her strength and I have zero doubts to her skills. It's just... I really can't stop worrying about her.

Just what did she do to me?

"NEJI!" It was Naruto who made me back to reality. I was so pre-occupied that I didn't noticed that Kakashi-sensei, Naruto, Sakura, Captain Yamato and Sai are already here.

"What happened?" Kakashi-sensei asked calmly but worry's evident in his eye.

I took a deep breath before answering. "She nearly killed herself. I don't know what happened between your team and her but that made her broke down and... and if I didn't show up..." I swallowed hard to maintain my composure.

"Neji, don't push yourself. I know you're still in shock. We already get it." Kakashi-sensei held on my shoulders to stop me from continuing. I just nodded and didn't bother to say anything. "Anyway, how's her?"

"I got here 20 minutes ago. She's still inside the emergency room and God knows what's happening inside." I told them before sitting back on the bench. I used my palms to cover my face when I felt a pang on my chest. My mind's reminding me back about her bloody situation earlier.

This got me really worried. I think I'm already traumatized and I don't know what I'm going to do the next time I see her in that kind of horrible situation. I can't.

"Don't worry, Neji. Kashina's abnormal. She will definitely bonk us in head if she saw us like this. For now, let's hope that she'll be alright soon." Captain Yamato said so I nodded before facing them again.

Worries evident in our eyes and we can't do anything about it.

Kami-sama, please... please help them healing her. I admit that I can't live without her now. So please, let me help her and stay with her... as long as I can.

I wasn't surprised when my chakra system became stable in no time. I wasn't also surprised when my physical wounds isn't aching anymore. I'm basically abnormal but I'm still feeling well. I know that the joy inside me was replace by sadness but I'm no longer depressed anymore.

I'm not sad or happy. I'm neither and I don't care anymore.

I'll focus myself on saving Asuma-sensei, Jiraiya-sama, Itachi and Neji. I sat down on my bed and didn't mind everyone's presence inside the room. I have no time for jokes or for naught. If I truly want to save them, I should start getting serious. I'm going to change the plot. Sooner or later, Kakuzu and Hidan will infiltrate the Land of Fire and is about to murder everyone from the temple including Asuma-sensei's friend.

"Everyone..." I called them using my weak and cold voice. I could careless about them, they can manage to live without me. I'm going to watch them from a far until I get healed. "Leave the room... now."

"b-but Kashina-chan..." Naruto mumbled. I didn't look on them so I don't know their reactions. I'm surprised that Kakashi's here but still admitted to the hospital. He'll train Naruto soon so I can formulate plan with Shikamaru.

"Naruto... let's leave her for a while." Kakashi said to him when he's about to said something nonsense.

"B-but Kakashi-sensei..." Sakura resisted.

"She needs to rest." And there I thought everyone leaves but Neji stayed.

He just crossed his arms on me. It's unusual for Neji to wear his Jonin attire. He's wearing his black jogger with 3 bandages wrapped around his right thigh. He's also wearing his Jonin sleeves and his Jonin vest with Hyuuga crest patch below the Uzumaki crest on his right sleeve.

I looked down to examine myself. Every physical wounds that I made earlier was already sealed and is wrapped with bandages. I sighed. Just what have I done? Am I really trying to kill myself earlier?

Sigh. "Come here." I tap the side of my bed. I'm asking him to sit with me and he did. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head against his shoulder. I could smell his addictive scent which made me feel high and fine.

We stayed in our position and went silent. "You scared the shit out of me, Kashina." He said when he finally break the silence and uttered that using his low voice.

"I'm sorry." I must have scared him earlier. I didn't mean to do that, It's just I felt tired from everything. I let my emotions took over me and didn't bother to care anymore. So, I apologize. I didn't mean to worry everyone especially him. I just tighten my grip on his waist when I felt my eyes burning again. "I'm sorry, Neji. I... I didn't mean that... I... I was just tired... I'm sorry for making you worried... I'm-"

I was cut off when he hugged me back. My face touched his chest and his arms snaked around my back. He put his face on my shoulders before tightening his grip on mine. I must have traumatized him earlier. That's definitely a bad sight from him.

"Idiot, don't do that again." His lips touched my shoulders when he said that.

"Arara~ is my Neji Hyuuga finally cared?" I teased but he just chuckle and didn't mind my teasing remarks. "I won't do that again..." As long as you're with me, I'll be okay. Maybe his presence was enough for me to continue. Maybe... just maybe.