The banging on my door sounds for the tenth time until it opens and Yasmin stands in the doorway with a hand on her hip. "It's been three days since you left this room. I'm starting to wonder where the heck you've been peeing?"

"Thanks for the update; you can go now."

"Dinners ready."

"Not hungry."

"Do you want me to send Mom up here?"

"Yasmin, déjame en paz."

"Being alone is the last thing you need."

"You sound like a shrink."

"Maybe you need a shrinks help." She walks over and pulls the covers off of me. "Get up. Now." Moving to my drawers, she grabs a t-shirt and throws it at me. "Do you want me to dress you too?"

"I told you i'm not hungry."

"You know what, Alex? You may feel like your life has gone to shit but there are people who need you, okay? You need to rethink your life choices." I feel bad for her future kids. She walks out, leaving the door open to spite me.

What a fucking diva.

Maybe she's right though. My family needs me, and maybe some other people who are alone and hurt because of me could use my help too. Like Deans's wife. I haven't grown the balls yet to face her, because it's basically my fault her husbands dead. I wonder who's paying her hospital bills now, or if she's even still in hospital.

It's about time I start making things right, even if I can't fix what I did to Amelia, I can do other things.

"Where are you going?" Mom asks as i'm passing the dining table while pulling my sweatshirt hood over my head.

"I'll be back soon."

"You're not going anywhere. Sit down and eat."

"I'm not-"

"Hungry!" Val finishes for me.

"You need food, Alejandro. Sit down right now."

"Lo siento, Mamá," I wince as I walk out the front door and hear her screaming my name. I'm gonna get it later.

"Is there a patient here called Avery Deans?" I ask Julie at the reception desk. We know each other from my time spent the hospital, and she pretty much adores me because, well, who couldn't?

"Let me check," she smiles and starts typing away in her computer. "Yes there is. You're not a relative... are you?"

"No, I was a friend of her husband."

Julie nods once. "She's in room sixteen." After thanking her, I walk through the corridor until I reach Avery's room. The blinds on her window are closed, so I can't see in, and after building up enough courage, I walk in the door after knocking a couple times.

When I see Avery, the first thing I notice is her bright blonde hair and the freckles that bring out her green eyes. She's beautiful, but she has this sadness in her features that i've grown all too familiar with. The book in her hands gets set down, and she looks at me warily.

"Who are you?"

"My names Alex. I, um, worked with Ryan."

From the mention of her husband, Avery sits up in her bed, her eyes widening. "Come in, please." Slowly, I move into the room and pull a chair over to her bed and sit down. "I got told it was the man he worked for who did it – who murdered him." I nod. "And he's gone now too?" I nod again and there is a pause. "He never told me what he did for work."

My eyes downcast and I put my hands in my pockets. What am I supposed to say? Should I tell her the truth?

"Please tell me."

I look at her again, seeing the way she looks I know this must have been driving her crazy not even know what her husband did to get him killed. So I tell her about the drug business and Caligari, and watching her eyes go glossy makes me want to cry like a little bitch because I know she would still be happy with Deans right now if I didn't just do the job I had to with no resistance. Everything would be so much easier if I had Amelia with me every minute of the day as moral support.

Someone shove me off a building and force me to get a grip of fucking something.

"You're so young... What age are you?"

"I'm eighteen."

"And you were involved in all that?" She closes her eyes. "The world can be so terrible sometimes. I'm glad you're okay."

"Thanks," I pause. "And i'm really sorry about Ryan. He was always really nice to me."

She gives me a sad smile. "Thank you. Thank you for coming here – you didn't need to. You better get home to your loved ones. You never know when they could leave you."

I nod, feeling ten times more guilty than I did two seconds ago. "You're right."

Julie smiles brightly when she sees me again. "It was really great to see you again, Alex. Some of the nurses have really been missing you," she jokes but I don't smile.

"Who pays Avery's hospital bills?"

Julie's smile drops and she hesitates before looking at her computer again. "Payments come from her, but she is behind on some. Why do you need to know?"

"I'm paying her bills now."

Her eyebrows furrow. "What? You? Why-"

"I owe her it."

Julie watches me for a moment before going into a desk drawer and taking out a sheet of paper. She places it in front of me with a pen. "Just fill out your details."

I oblige, filling out the boxes with my credit card details and personal details, feeling Julie's eyes on me. I know she has a lot of questions to ask but won't break her professional facade to do so.

"Your girlfriend is very lucky to have someone like you. You really are an amazing young man."

I stop writing. "Who?"

"Your girlfriend? That pretty blonde girl with the gorgeous blue eyes."

"W-what?" Is she taking about Amelia? "How do you know her?"

"She came to visit you while I was working. She seemed very worried about you."

"My g- ex girlfriend never came to see me while I was here. Are you sure this person was looking for me?"

"Definitely. Val also told me about you having a girlfriend who was, as he said, smokin' hot," she laughs.

Of course he fucking did.

"I don't understand. I never saw her once."

Julie shrugs. "Maybe you could ask her."

I assure you that will not be happening.

+++

"You going to school today? Or are you still sick?" Santiago smirks, standing in my doorway.

"He's lovesick!" Val screams from the room beside mine, making me pick up the first thing I can reach which is my charger and throw it at the wall. If that broke it then Val's fucking getting me a new one.

"I'm going," I decide, thinking about Amelia. If she did come to the hospital then maybe she doesn't completely hate me. Maybe she still loves me. Is that possible?

Yasmin walks into the cafeteria with Amelia, and I watch them closely whilst they walk to the lunch line. Yasmin is talking a lot, and Amelia looks like she'd rather be any place but there with her. Finally, Amelia runs a hand through her blonde locks and takes a deep breath, saying something which makes Yasmin smile.

"Staring is rude."

"What?" My eyes snap to Jace, the sound of people around me coming back to my senses.

Jace just raises an eyebrow and looks beside him at Santiago. "Are you having sexual fantasies at our lunch table, Alex?"

I roll my eyes. "If you're gonna say shit like that, then how about you don't even bother opening your mouth?"

"Oops, soz. Don't punch me," he says, referring to the night I hit him, like he has been doing ever since it happened.

"Are you ever gonna let that go?"

"What are you talkin' about? I already did. I'm totally fine with you giving me an ugly black painful eye for trying to help you."

"Are you still going on about that?" Yasmin asks, sitting down at the table. Amelia walks past without turning her head and sits with the Chrissy dude. Gross.

"No, I completely let it go. Why do you guys seem to think otherwise?"

"I don't feel good," Val moans, sitting beside me with a hand over his stomach.

"Welcome to the club," I mumble.

"Black eyes make a guy look sexy," Yasmin shrugs as if she didn't just lighten Jace's world, and she starts eating.

"So you're saying it made me look sexy?"

"No. It only makes you look sexy if you got it from a fight, and all that happened to you was you got hit by a heartbroken baby."

"Santiago, tell her to shut up," I say, rolling my eyes.

"Say it to my face, bitch," Yasmin straightens.

"Guysssss," Val moans.

I lean over the table, closer to Yasmin. "Shut up."

"Don't tell a girl to shut up," Jace defends, making Yasmin mad at him.

"Why the fuck not? You think 'cause i'm a girl i'm gonna go cry under my bed because a boy told me to shut up? If I had a fucking dollar for every time one of my brothers told me to-"

"Alexxx," Val grabs my arm and leans over. "I'm gonna barf."

"Go to the fucking restroom then."

"If I move I'll puke."

I stand up in case he's sick on me, and pull his arm up so he stands, making him moan. "Just walk slowly." Walking behind him and pushing his back, I make him walk to the door.

"Want me to puke on Chrissy?"

"Yes. I mean no."

As soon as we're out the cafeteria, Val gasps. "I'm not gonna make it!" He takes off in a run to the restroom, and I walk after, going inside to hear him puking in a stall.

"Did you eat something?"

"I've ate a lot of things I shouldn't have."

"Nice to know."

I hear the choking noise of more sick coming out of him. "Uh god, you think i'm pregnant?"

"Could be. You should take a test."

"Really?"

"Val," I say in a serious tone, really hoping he's joking.

"You said it so seriously I didn't know what to think!" He starts coughing then vomits again, making me screw up my face with disgust. Finally, the door opens and Val comes out, his skin looking grey.

"Did you take something today?"

"It's probably just the after effects of last night." He leans against the sinks and sighs. "So you know the party tonight?"

"I have no interest in it."

"Whatever. Amelia's maybe comin'. I mean coming. I mean – she's attending. She could be coming in that other way too though-"

"Shut the fuck up you vulgar little freak."

"Can we go back to the days I could say worse things than that and you wouldn't get all offended?"

"I'm not offended. Just don't fucking say shit like that about her."

"Sure thing. So you happy about her comin'?" He grimaces at his words but makes the right choice not to comment on it again.

"Don't care."

"Yeah right."

"What's the point in this party? It's a waste of money and a waste of time."

"You sound like Enrico. And the reason i'm doing this, is 'cause I want Montana to come." He groans, "I mean attend! I hate my mind."

"So do I. But why? Just go to her place if you want to see her?"

"Never again."

"Because you had sex?"

He leans his elbows on the counter and puts his face in his hands. "It's been so fucking weird ever since that and it wasn't supposed to be."

"That's what happens when you screw your best friend. You always said she was gross and like your sister-"

"I know! I know but it's done now. It's like she's been mad at me ever since though, and I don't get why 'cause it takes two to tango."

"Talk to her about it?"

"No, that's awkward. I'll throw up from nerves. Then she'll be even more mad if I puke on her and it'll be your fault."

"Text her instead then." When the fuck did I become his guidance councillor? All the little fuck does to me is annoy the shit out of me and call Amelia hot.

"Can you talk to her?"

"Get Yasmin to."

"She said she's not getting involved because she likes Montana."

"Get Santiago to."

"I'm not telling him we did it."

"Then you fucking talk to her!" I shout, my hands forming fists. "God," I mumble, fed up with him.

"Don't bring religion into this."

I give him a blank look before walking out.

+++

my life is shitty right now can I drop out of school yet

teaser: amelia gets into a scary situation

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