Dear Alex,

I'm sorry i've not wrote to any of you yet. It's not because I've not been thinking about you every minute of the day, because I have been. The only excuse I have is that I don't know what to say to you, or I have too much to say to you that i'm afraid to. Your mother has made her feelings clear to me, and i've had no contact with you or your brothers and sister so I have no idea how you are feeling. That kind of thing can drive someone crazy being locked up in this place. You need to know that I regret what happened. I think about it all the time. It haunts me, Alex. I'm not trying to make what I did okay, because I know it's definitely not. And it's not okay that you had to watch. You shouldn't have even known about all of that stuff, and i'm sorry you did. I'm so sorry.

How is everyone? Is Yasmin still going to her dance class? God, I miss her so much. I hope you are all okay and coping fine – you are such strong kids. I wish I could see you, but I know it's unlikely that your Mamá will allow you to see me. Please write to me. I don't know how much longer I can cope being cut off from the people I love most.

Don't lose your faith.

Dad.

My eyes sting as I stare at the letter in my hands. I want to rip it to shreds, burn it – anything. But I can't.

Faith. The word tattooed onto Santiago's collarbone. What Dad used to say to us every time we had a rough day.

I miss him. I need him. I need help. He has no idea that Caligari has me involved in his business, but I wish he did. I wish he was here and could help me, but if he was here then I wouldn't even be involved. There's no point in him knowing if he's in prison. My feeling of anger starts to take over, the anger that has always been there since I found out what he does for work. He's ruined my fucking life.

My door swings open. "Do you have my-" Ray's eyebrows furrow when he spots the letter. "What's that?"

"Nada. And I don't have anything of yours."

He moves closer and I pull the letter back, crinkling it up in my hands. "Why are you hiding it?"

"Porque no es para que tu lo veas."

"Is it from Dad?"

"No. Fine, yes."

His eyes widen. "Let me read it."

"No."

"Alex-"

"No, Ray. All it is is him feeling sorry for himself. You don't need to read that bullshit."

"Alex, it's Dad."

I close my eyes for a moment and take a breath. "Fine." I give him the letter. "Don't let Carlos see it." He doesn't need to know the whole story.

Ray nods and leaves, and I take off my clothes and get into bed, switching the lights off. Sleep is the only way other than drugs that will stop me from thinking about everything, and I don't plan on going down the drugs route anytime soon.

Except sleep doesn't come easy. It never does. A sigh of relief escapes from me when my door opens and Amelia climbs into my bed.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes." I hold her against me, focussing on her strawberry scented hair instead of anything else until I fall asleep.

+++

"You ratty ass snake!"

If there's one thing Valentino is good at, it's drawing attention to himself. Everyone turns their attention to him as he storms into the cafeteria shouting at a girl.

"What is fucking wrong with you?" He shouts, following her.

"Yeah, what was wrong with me? Hooking up with a cokehead like you? Ray was way better anyway."

"Ahhhhh!" Val screams, grabbing his hair. He picks up a chair and throws it across the floor, giving me my cue to stop him before he does something stupid. Us Fuentes's are known for having a big temper.

I hold his shoulder and he starts jumping up and down. "What happened?"

"I want to name call so bad!"

"Do it somewhere private. Why you so angry?"

"Because that little b-" He screams again and the girl and her friends all look at him weird from their table.

"Val?" Yasmin stands on the other side of him.

"Yas, beat her up because I can't."

"What'd she do?"

"I've been screwing her for months and her friend just told me she's been hooking up with Ray and Max too." He targets another chair, kicking it.

"That's fucked up."

"You've been getting with other girls too," I point out.

"That's different! They're my brothers, like who the fuck does that? I'm so fucking her sister tonight."

I narrow my eyes, thinking. Who the fuck does that? But he's gonna go and do it? Okay Val.

"Max!" Val shouts, going over to where he's sitting with his friends. Yasmin follows him so I do too, and as I expected, she starts flirting with Max's friend Wesley. I pull her back and she shoots me a death glare. Yasmin likes him, but I know for a fact that Wesley only wants in her pants and to tell people all about it.

"How was I supposed to know you were doing her?"

"She was at our house all the time!" Val picks up a handful of Max's fries and throws them at him.

"What is going on here?" Principal Harris says as he walks over. "I got told you were throwing chairs."

"I'm handling it," I say. "You don't have to do anything."

"Good thing you're here!" Val points at Max. "This guy should be expelled for being so full of shit."

Max stands up and shoves him. "Shut up, man."

"Is this what you call handling it?"

I look back at my two idiot brothers. "Max, sit the fuck down. Val go somewhere else. You're making yourself look like you were in love with the girl."

"Well maybe I was in love with her vag-" Yasmin covers his mouth with her hand before he can finish.

She looks at Harris innocently. "He has no filter."

"Trust me, I know."

+++

Amelia gets into my car and puts her seatbelt on without a word. Uh-oh.

"Everything okay?" I start the car and she doesn't answer. "Amelia? What's wrong?"

"Do you expect me to just tell you everything that went shitty in my day?" She snaps, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Sure."

"No."

"Is there a main reason why you're pissed off?"

"I'm not pissed off."

"Then... What is this?"

"I'm tired, alright? Just because I don't want to talk and be cheerful every second of my life, doesn't mean i'm pissed."

"Okay," I say, unsure.

When we get home, Amelia goes straight to her room and I follow. There is obviously something up with her. She gets into bed and turns the opposite way from me.

"Have I done something?"

"No, oh my god."

"Then why-"

"Please, just fuck off," she rubs her temples and I frown, heading for the door. "Where are you going?" She sits up.

I'm so fucking confused.

"You just told me to fuck off?"

"What guy actually just leaves like that?"

What? "Okay..." I sit down beside her. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

She sighs and lies back down. "I just feel shitty. Can you get me chocolate? Or chinese food. Actually, both."

"Is it that time of month or something?" I flinch when I see the way she looks at me.

"What makes you think that, doofus?"

"I don't know... Because you're being moody and-"

"You're an ass! Just leave." Does she actually want me to leave this time orrrr... ?

"What then? Are you pregnant? Do people get moody when they're pregnant? Shit, is that why you're mad at me-"

"No I'm not fucking pregnant." She rolls her eyes. "Yes, I have my fucking period but i'm not being moody." So she was just asking me why I thought that so she'd have a reason to get mad. I don't understand girls.

"Aww, baby," I take her hand. "You could have just told me."

"No because you're a guy."

"So?"

"It's weird. And most guys are grossed out by it."

"I'm not. Yasmin's guilted me into buying tampons enough times for it to be normal."

"So you thought it wasn't normal?" Her face screws up. There's no winning with this.

"Look, 'Melia, i'm a guy. Blood doesn't come out of my penis so no, it's not normal to me."

She takes her hand out of mine and turns around. "You're so insensitive."

I sigh. I can't cope with this. "Do you want anything?"

"I told you; chinese food and chocolate. Do you listen to anything I say?"

"Holy shit, okay." I stand up, rolling my eyes even though she can't see my face.

"Wait, Alex," she turns around to face me again. "I'm sorry. I'm just having a shit time. I have stomach ache and i'm so tired and i'm getting pimples and being a girl sucks. And I don't want to go to school 'cause people still laugh about that photo and every female there hates me." She puts her hands over her face. "I just want to cry."

"Hey, it's okay. I get it." Kind of. "I'll get you food."

"Wait," she grabs my hand. "I don't want you to leave."

"I'll be quick?"

"Okay." I lean down and kiss her, and she holds me in place in a hug, not letting me go for a good five minutes, and even though i'm at the most awkward angle and the position is so uncomfortable, I stay there. Not to be a sweet and loving boyfriend but because i'm scared that if I move she'll rip my head off.

+++

these chapters are kinda boring but they're just fillers and the main drama is about to begin.

teaser: alex is pushed to the edge and breaks down

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ly

-e